April Fools

Ah, April Fools. My time to shine. People like me only get one day out of the year, April First, and we try to make the most out of it. Throughout the day, I'll be updating this post, telling you of my misadventures pranking my loved ones.

The day started off alright. I went downstairs and told everyone I had to go brush my teeth in the bathroom... only I didn't do it. Hehehe, April Fools, fuckers.

Next, I went into the living room. Greeted Lando... WITH A SWIFT KICK TO THE STOMACH!!


APRIL FOOLS, FUCKERS!!

Then he got on the computer a few minutes later... too bad he didn't see me hiding behind him. I snuck up on that April Fool and and hit him in the back with a broom ^_______^ April Fools!!

To be continued...

-M

UPDATE- Went outside where the dog, Tobey, is in a fence thing. I walked up to him and told him I was going to pet him. He jumped up and wagged his tail. I reached out to pet him... then pulled my hand away and yelled "APRIL FOOLS!!"

Tobey cocked his head to one side, then jumped up and started barking and crying.

More later- M

UPDATE NUMBER TWO- Went outside again. Picked some wild onions and knocked on the front door. My little brother answered and I threw the onions in his fucking face. APRIL FOOLS, FUCKER!!

-Maynard

UPDATE NUMBER THREE- Went to the park. We found this steep hill and decided to roll down it. When Lando rolled down it, he lost his shoe. I ran up, grabbed the shoe and threw it with all my might. "APRIL FOOLS!!", I yelled. Then he rolled down the hill again and got all muddy and really hurt himself.

^____________________^

-M

UPDATE NUMBER FOUR- Saw Lando talking to Bada on MSN. Lando went to the bathroom, so I got in his chair and typed "Fuck me. Oh man, fuck me." Big laugh from me.

Then we went to the store. On the way I kept swerving into the other lane yelling "APRIL FOOLS!!" Another big laugh. From me.

-The Always Classy... Maynard

UPDATE NUMBER FIVE (FINAL UPDATE)- Time for the biggest prank of them all. Time for the shocking twist ending. The one that will be remembered years from now... I've been lying all day long. Kind of.

I did brush my teeth this morning. I was unable to kick Lando in the stomach because he blocked my attack. Also, I didn't hit him in the back with a broom. He took most of the hit on his shoulder. I didn't even bother Tobey today. When I threw the onions at my brother, it missed his face and went over his shoulder. I did throw Lando's shoe, but I didn't throw it with all my might. Plus, the wind caught it, so it barely went anywhere. When I wrote "Fuck me" to Bada, I actually only wrote "Kiss me." While we were driving, I did swerve a little, but never crossed over the line and never did it while traffic was coming.

Does this shock you? The Usual Suspects, The Sixth Sense and The Empire Strikes Back can kiss my ass. Biggest. Shock. Ever.

For you see, dear reader, the prank has been on YOU all along.

April Fools, fuckers.

-M

Bada's Take On Wrestlemania 24.

Firstly the ordering of the matches were pathetic in my opinion.

JBL v Finlay.
Money In The Bank.
Batista v Umaga.
Kane v Chavo Guerrero.
Shawn Michaels v Ric Flair.
Beth Phoenix & Melina v Maria & Ashley Massaro.
Randy Orton v John Cena v Triple H.
Floyd Mayweather v Big Show.
Edge v Undertaker.

Orton v Cena v Triple H should of been the main event really.
Money In The Bank should of been put near the end.

Also i never realised the Citrus Bowl actually had no roof and shit. The fans must of got soaked. It looked like a storm was brewing as far as i could see.

Here's my take on the matches.

JBL v Finlay, it was an alright fight. Lots of weapons were involved so it made quite decent. Eventually though JBL won with the clothesline from hell.

Money In The Bank, no Money In The Bank could ever top the very first one done. It was a pretty poor Money In The Bank match to be honest. MVP look like he was about to win it with all the rest of the superstars down. Matt Hardy comes out of the crowd (like no one saw that coming) Matt Hardy bascially admitted that he would interfere. Matt Hardy was asked when he would return to the ring. Hardy commented by saying, "tonight's a good night." So he screwed MVP. CM Punk and Jericho was on the ladder battling then Jericho got his foot caught and was upside down on the ladder and CM Punk gets Money In The Bank. Pretty poor really.

Batista v Umaga, i think it was fairly obvious who would win this fight, i'm going to tell you why exactly. Everyone knows Raw is better than Smackdown, so why not let Smackdown win the brand battle. That's what happened Batista beat Umaga.

Kane earlier won the battle royal which meant he would face Chavo Guerrero for the ECW Title.

Kane v Chavo Guerrero. This is how it played out, Kanes music went, Chavo was in the ring waiting for him. Kane appeared behind Chavo out of nowhere then Chavo turned around and BANG Chokeslam, new ECW Champion, the match lasted a whole 6 seconds. Why bother in the first place?

Shawn Michaels v Ric Flair. Apparently this could of been the main event but Flair declined the idea. We all knew what was going to happen. Seriously, Hall Of Fame Night, Flair was talking for like an hour in his speech when he got inducted in the Hall Of Fame, thanking everyone, he was crying, wrestlers had tears in there eyes. I think it was fairly obvious that Flair would lose and then retire. How ironic that Ric Flairs last match was a pretty darn good one. Michaels and Flair gave everything. Flair kicked out of Sweet Chin Music, Michaels had the figure four leg locked in him at least twice and still got out of it. Then when Flair was groggy from the first Sweet Chin Music, HBK went all gay and went "I'm sorry" BANG another Sweet Chin Music 1,2,3. One of the best matches on the night though. Flair is 59 when he retired, god does this mean Undertaker is going to be around for another 10 fucking years. AHHH.

Beth Phoenix & Melina v Maria & Ashley Massaro. No one cares about these matches? We just want to see PUPPIES. They had a power failure in this match. It was pretty funny. lol. Anyway it was pretty pathetic really, the match. Santiago or whatever the fuck is his name. He came to ringside distracted Maria, then Jerry Lawler decided to punch Santiago, while all this happened Maria got pinned by Beth Phoenix. Then Santiago got in the ring and was bothering Maria or shit. Then Snoop Dog got in the ring and gave Santiago a clothesline and then made out with Maria.

Randy Orton v John Cena v Triple H. This fight, it seemed like it last like 10 minutes. I think it got cut short because of the power failure. Obviously i could see shit because i was watching it on tv but no ideas about the actual fans there. Then the power sorted itself out. In the end, Triple H predigreed Cena then went for the pin 1,2, then Orton kicked Triple H in the head and pinned Cena to retain his belt. One of the worst triple threat matches i have ever seen. The crowd seemed fantastic though. Cena and Triple H were throwing punches. Everytime Cena punched The Game he got booed, everytime The Game punched Cena the fans cheered.

Floyd Mayweather v Big Show. God, awful, absolutely awful. Mayweather was thinking this was a boxing match, he went to the corner and took some water like they do in boxing and i guessed that pissed the Big Show off. Then Floyd was trying to leave with his posse. Big Show took out his posse. Then back to the ring Big Show was about to finish Mayweather off then one of his posse got a chair and hit Big Show, then Mayweather started hitting Big Show with the chair and got brass knuckles and hit Big Show in one punch. KNOCK OUT. 40-0 i guess now for Floyd Money Mayweather.

Undertaker v Edge - Main Event. I hate Undertaker so bad, but this was a pretty darn good fight as well. I love fights when there is lots of counters and wrestlers are kicking out of other wrestlers finishing moves and shit. Edge countered bascially everything in the early going, Last Ride, Old School, Edge speared Undertaker, i thought the streak was over but no Undertaker kicked out. It was like that the whole match. Then Edge speared Undertaker again and went for the pin but Undertaker got his legs around Edges head, some submission move, it looked like Taker was getting a blow job really. Edge then tapped. 16-0. It's pathetic, i really hope Undertaker loses at Wrestlemania sometime soon. Good match though. Then fireworks went off but some fireworks went into the top tier. Lucky no one was seriously injured.

Overall it was alright, wasn't the best Wrestlemania and wasn't the worst. It's amazing how it broke records though.


-Bada.

The Great One.

The Rock Returns - Hall of Fame 2008 Part 10
Uploaded by JabroniHotel99

He will return one day. I guarandamnteeit.

Prison Break.

I started watching Prison Break like a month ago. I thought it would be lame but i'm really into it. I was pretty pissed when i started watching Season 3. Sara Tancredi was killed off. Her head was found in a box by Lincoln. I had my suspicions. You only got to see the head for like a couple of seconds and LJ heard screaming but he was infact blindfolded. So he probably assumed that it was infact Sara screaming. I just had a gut feeling, i don't know why, that infact Sara was still alive, well my friends and fans, i am here to tell you that infact my gut feeling was correct, it wasn't her head. It's confirmed that Sara Tancredi will be back in Prison Break Season 4. This is wonderful for me. She's one foxy lady. MEOW.

-Bada.

Wrestlemania 24.

I haven't watched Wrestling in quite a long time. I lost interest when The Great One left. (The Rock). But finally Bada is going to watch Wrestling again. It will start at WM24. So i'm going to do some predictions for WM24:

BunnyMania Lumberjack Match: Ashley & Maria vs The Glamazon & Melina.

I don't really care much for this match. I hope some divas get undressed though. ;) Maria sure does look fine in her PlayBoy pictures. :) Ashley & Maria for me though.

Finlay v JBL - Belfast Brawl.

Probably a sucky fight, i don't really like either wrestler. I'm going for Finlay though considering it's a Belfast Brawl.

24-Man Battle Royal - Winner Faces ECW Champion.

Raw: Snitsky, Brian Kendrick, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, Hardcore Holly, Cody Rhodes, Val Venis, Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

Smackdown: Mark Henry, Chuck Palumbo, The Great Khali, Deuce Domino, Jesse, Festus, Kane, Jamie Noble, Jimmy Wang Yang, Shannon Moore.

ECW: Elijah Burke, Matt Striker, The Miz, Tommy Dreamer, Kofi Kingston.

The most obvious choice to pick for this match up would be The Great Khali, but i have a feeling they will all try and get him out first. I'm going for Kane.

Smackdown vs Raw: Batista vs Umaga.

They are both completely useless. Batista for the win.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match.

Mr Kennedy, Chris Jericho, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito, Mvp, John Morrison and CM Punk.

I love the ladder matches, probably one of the most exciting matches at WM24. I hope it doesn't disappoint. I'm sure CM Punk is supposed to get a push. So CM Punk for me, i wouldn't count out Chris Jericho though.  

Career Threatening Match.

Ric Flair v Shawn Michaels.

Why, oh why does Shawn Michaels keep getting put in these pointless fights. He should be going for the WWE title. When is Ric Flair just going to retire all ready. It wouldn't surprise me if Ric Flair wins this match with the figure four leg lock. I'm going for some Sweet Chin Music though for HBK.

Floyd Money Mayweather v Big Show.

The greatest boxer ever? against the largest. I think Floyd Mayweather will pull out the win. It will be something stupid like the Big Show will get disqualified. 

World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs Undertaker.

I hate The Undertaker so bad. He's so overrated. He's a poor wrestler. How he has this undefeated record at WM, it amazes me. Why are the WWE so stupid? I see The Undertaker winning again though, i hope i am proved wrong.

Triple Threat Match For The WWE Championship.

Randy Orton v Triple H v John Cena.

Cena is making a movie, so this could well be a reason why he won't win the belt, I seriously don't see Randy Orton retaining his title. Which could well see Orton v Triple H feud while Cena is making his movie. So i guess that means Triple H will be champion BUT on the other hand. I'm not counting out John Cena based on the fact that he only has to turn up to RAW so he has 6 other days to shoot his movie. 

My predictions are obviously in the bold and italics. They are probably all wrong but who cares? I hope it's a good WM24, considering i'm paying for it off of the Sky Box Office.

Also THE ROCK is returning to WM24, unfortunately only to induct some of his family into The Hall Of Fame. It will be interesting to see if The Rock and John Cena crosses paths. 

-Bada.

Grand Theft Auto 4 Street Map?

my guess? sure. why not?

-L

I Must OWN!!

Which makes a better T-shirt?


or


I like the second one, Lando likes the first one. I'm sure he'd wear either, if I bought one. He's always wearing my shit. And he gets shit all over them. Every single time he wears my shirt, I know it'll just end up ruined. Chilli sauce, ice cream, milk, doesn't matter... it all ends up in the shirt. Today he wouldn't even get off the couch to get himself a bottle of water... then he ate my mother's cup cakes and I had to go buy her some more.

Which shirt is better?

-Maynard

What the...

What in the hell happened to Bill Richardson? I'm not gay or anything, but I saw him last night on t.v. and he went from looking like this-



To this-



Looking sharp, my nigga. I think you and I both know he has only one place to go after that...



Tell me you wouldn't want this man to be your Vice President. You can't tell me that, cause we both know it'd just be a lie.

Stay Classy,

-M

Top Ten: Songs of the 60's

Time for another one. I messed up last time when I did the top ten songs of the 70's. I didn't put Roxy Music's "More Than This" anywhere... so I took a little longer making this list, hoping I got it just right.

10. I Just Wasn't Made for These Times
9. It's Alright, Ma by Bob Dylan
8. The Weight by The Band
7. Sunday Morning by The Velvet Underground
6. Mr. Tambourine Man by The Byrds (Dylan's version is good, but The Byrds outdid him)
5. The Village Green Preservation Society by The Kinks
4. Subterranean Homesick Blues by Bob Dylan
3. Like a Rolling Stone by Bob Dylan
2. The Night They Drove Ole Dixie Down by The Band
1. Heroin by The Velvet Underground

So there you have it. Yeah... I'm a big Dylan fan.

EDIT: Yes, stupid moron that I am, I meant "Heroin" by The Velvet Underground, not "Heroine."

MVP!!

I'm officially supporting Chris Paul for this year's MVP award. I was kind of skeptical until I saw this.

He fucking destroyed the Bulls. Of course, they deserved to lose for wearing those atrocious green uniforms.

Paul is averaging 21.6 PPG and 11.3 APG. Steve Nash won two MVP awards and he didn't play as well as Paul. Where were these guys last year? Nowhere, that's where. Paul has lifted them into the elite. He's playing better and is more important to his team than either Kobe Bryant or LeBron James.

Chris Paul for MVP (high five)

I Got My Ass Kicked

In my sleep. Or something. Cause I woke up feeling like shit (not to be confused with "The Shit")

I've been staying up far too late lately. The past three days I've woken up past noon, which is not good for me. Today I had to force myself to get up at 12:30. When I stood up I was all wobbly and almost fell over. I tried to walk down the stairs and almost tipped forward, which would have resulted in my death. I went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror and was appalled by the person I saw staring back at me. My eyes were all puffy and it looked as if someone and taken the liberty to kick my head in while I slept.

This isn't exactly anything new for me. It happened a few years ago too. I'd wake up with bruises and stuff all over me. One time I woke up and there was tiny little blood droplets all over my bed, although I could never find any cuts or scratches on my body. Best I could figure is that whoever did it probably cut themselves and let it drip all over my bed. Why? Fear tactic.

Funny thing is, the most likely suspect has always been Lando. And I'm not gonna take this shit anymore. I feel like I'm about to die.

Let's just say Lando's gonna have a lot to write about tomorrow morning, heheheh. Cause I'm gonna kick his ass in his sleep tonight, hehehehe. Or not. But I'm going to get to the bottom of this shit. Cause I am sick of it. I shouldn't have to deal with this bullshit. It's not fair.

-M

More Lost stuff

Awesome. Totally awesome.

So I'm back after a few weeks of taking a break from talking about Lost. At least on this site. So we'll have to get this shit together. Instead of talking about the episodes themselves, which have all been pretty strong, I'm gonna just talk about the characters and what they're up to. Enjoy.

Jack- Remember how at the beginning of this season Jack was all macho and kicking ass and taking names on a somewhat regular basis? What happened? I've always defended Jack, but I could also always see what bothered people so much about him. He's, at times, kind of a push over. And it seems he's back to doing just that. He didn't push Juliet for any answers in "The Other Woman." He just kissed her. Lame.

He also doesn't seem too concerned or even interested in the whole "time is different on the island" theory. I don't think he's mentioned it once since Faraday brought it up in "The Constant." Perhaps it's just me, but I'd probably talk non-stop about that if I were on the island. I'd want to know everything Faraday knows. Jack, on the other hand, seems to be just sitting back and taking it easy for the most part. What's the deal? When are they gonna give this guy something to do?

Claire- Speaking of giving a character something to do... I like this season. A lot. We've gotten more answers in the last 7 episodes than any other period in the shows history. But with all this non-stop action, something seems to have been lost. Character development. She's had nothing to do all season long. She's just... there. Because they haven't developed her this season, they've kind of turned her into a bitch, you know? Doesn't it seem like she got over Charlie's death pretty quickly? That makes it seem like she never even cared for the poor limey bastard. I wouldn't be surprised if she were the character to die next week. I'm not sure she will be, but it wouldn't surprise me.

Kate- What a bitch. If any woman smacked me the way she smacked Sawyer, I'd have layed that bitch out. NO QUESTION.

Sawyer- Another casualty of the non-stop action. He hasn't had it easy this season. The last few episodes of last season, Sawyer was the undisputed MVP. He had an actual story. He had finally turned into the lovable leader, only to be sucked into the deepest, darkest time of his life after killing Anthony Cooper.

Now? Well, he's back to being a lovable follower. Which kind of sucks. I liked the dark Sawyer angle. I liked the thought of him vying to be a leader. All that has gone out the window in order to make room for him and Hurley playing horseshoes. Lame.

Hurley- Hurley has become more interesting for the most part. We learned Jacob wants to have a sit down with him, but why? No idea. That storyline has taken a back seat. They might not get to it this season. He seems to be happy following Locke.

Locke- Aw man, I knew this shit would happen. They're making Locke a bumbling fool. He's frustrated and confused. He's letting Ben run the show. I hear that Locke will be heading for better days soon, but I don't know. I hope so. He's too good a character to be reduced to playing the fool.

Ben- He's always got a plan. BECAUSE HE'S LIVED THROUGH THIS BEFORE!! He's always a step ahead of the rest because he already knows everything that's gonna happen. I think. Either way, he's doing what he does best- pulling everyone's strings. As Harper said, "Ben's right where he wants to be." This makes me so scared for Locke. We still haven't learned why Hurley said he should have gone with Jack instead of Locke, but we're moving ever closer (and I'm almost positive Ben will play a part in it).

I also found it interesting that Ben had such a crush on Juliet. Frankly, I don't see the appeal. But whatever. Here's my new theory (which everyone else has already come up with, I'm sure) Ben got Annie pregnant. She died on the island. Ben spends the rest of his life trying to fix it. He brings Juliet to the island. Juliet looks just like Annie. Ben loves Juliet.

Or something like that. I forget.

Miles- Where's he at?

Faraday- Best of the new characters, needs more development.

Charlotte- Another bitch.

Frank- Last night, I was talking with Lando about how they should have had Jeff Bridges play him. He could play it like The Dude!! "Look, uh, man, I'm trying to help you!! I'm on your side, man!!"

Sun and Jin- Jin, you're a bitch. What was that shit? Forgiving your wife for cheating on you only like an hour after you found out? My ass.

Sun, you should have been the one to die. Okay, okay, I'm sorry. That's a little extreme. But seriously, that's bullshit. Jin is too good for you!!

I wonder if Jin is really dead? Probably. But there is a good chance he's still on the island. We know some people got left behind and the Oceanic 6, for some reason, had to make a pact to lie to the world about what happened. Perhaps they had to tell the world Jin was dead. It would explain why Sun was so sure Jin would show up at the hospital. Sort of. I dunno. I'm not entirely ready to call him 100% dead just yet. But then, if he wasn't the 6th member of the Oceanic 6, who was? That shoots a hole in my theory. He's probably dead. Fuck it.

I'm sleepy. Goodnight. Or morning. Whichever.

-M

Let's talk Running-Mates

I got me the politics fever again. This shit is bananas!!

So we know who the Republican candidate will be (unless he dies)- John McCain. I kind of like McCain. We agree on many things and disagree on a couple of key issues (like Iraq). I can't see myself voting for him though. If he were a younger man, sure. But this bastard is 71, folks. That's the only thing stopping me for fully supporting him. Well, that and the fact he bitched out for Bush back in 2004, even after all that shit Bush pulled in 2000. Too biased towards his own party.

If there were one thing that could make me change my mind, it might be a good running mate. But he's a Republican, so that's impossible to find. BOO YAH!!

But since we're talking running mates, I guess we better get this out of the way. I'm pretty sure it'll be Charlie Crist. He's young-ish and he's a leader of one of the most important states in the election (Florida). His age will re-assure voters that if McCain eats it before his four years are up, they'll still have a fifty-something Republican to fuck the country up for the remainder of his term. Kidding, kidding. He might not be so bad. But... he probably will be.

Clinton- What's this bitch trying to pull? She's behind Obama and she's talking about letting him be VP. Whatever, bitch. We all know she'd love to have him on the ticket, cause they really would be all but unbeatable. Too bad Obama has already shot down that idea. So that leaves Evan Bayh, my main man from Indiana. I love Bayh. The man is my political hero. He'd be the only thing that might make me consider voting for her. If Clinton gets the nomination, I'm pretty certain Bayh will be her running mate. The Clinton's have been big on him for years now.

Obama- Still the front runner for the Democrats. But he's gotta be smart when it comes to picking a running mate. I'd love nothing more than for him to run with Bayh, but with Bayh being such a Clinton supporter, I think it might be doubtful. Still, I can dream, right? I really think Bayh could help any Democrat. No Republican could ever accuse him of being too liberal. He's got a ton of experience in things that actually matter. He could help carry Red-state Indiana, ect. He's the perfect running mate!! But like I said, I don't think he'll run with anyone but Clinton.

Let's imagine for a minute McCain does pick Crist to be his running mate. Crist is going to help McCain big time in battle state Florida, so Obama would probably strike back in similar fashion. I'd guess Sherrod Brown from Ohio. They have a lot in common. Both against the war. Both...

Well, I'm just guessing he'll pick Brown. Unless he wants to go with John Edwards. If he does, it'll only be because Edwards is a "name." We learned in 2004 he can't really help anyone win anything, so that'd be a waste of a running mate. So it'll either be Brown or Edwards, with Bayh as an outside shot (outside shot of course meaning "my wishful thinking") Yeah... he'll probably pick Edwards. Damnit. But he could have several really decent running mates. Bill Richardson (my second choice after Bayh), Jim Webb (someone I'm thinking has a really strong chance), ect. He won't need to look for long.

So there you have it. Which do you think has a better shot of winning the election? McCain/Crist or Obama/Edwards (or possibly Brown, Richardson or Webb, among others)? or Clinton/Bayh?

-M

EDIT: Okay, I should have done this before I made this post, but I did a little research on Brown and this guy seems to not be the most beloved politician. So... maybe we can rule him out? I dunno. Just gotta wait and see.

Kicking Ass and Taking Names

So last night i went to my sisters to get drunk and play Call of Duty 4, things did not start off well we had to go pick up my Brother-in-Law frankie teardrop who was walking home because he thought that my sister (saucy sally)told him that he could stay there and she was going home.

I really don't know what was going on because i was not listing, but it was kind of funny you see saucy sally made frankie go to this little party thing (at his brothers)he did not want to go, but she believed that if he did not his family would get mad at her and say she does not let him live his own life and stuff like that.

anyways we picked him up and you could tell he had already been drinking (frankie teardrop is an alcoholic) he is such an alcoholic he had to make his own drink when he got home. he made a sort of variation of coach mcguirks "yeast infection". it had Vodka milk coke and a lot of stuff just hearing what was in it made me feel sick, but that did not stop me from drinking

anyways we started playing Call of Duty 4 and drinking frankie's "yeast infection" and it made me play way better we were playing teams my team was me and some jerk off named tony price$ AKA o_O from that one lame blog >_< Vs. o_O and frankie and sally on the other team we had to score 250 points to win and one game i believe the score was 30-250 i was on fire all night long

then frankie wanted some candy so he made sally drive him to the store i did not go with them but from what i hear he was falling all over the place and almost broke his hand that was pretty funny

and after all that we stayed up watching anime the rest of the night and tony price$ and frankie got into a fight about who would win out of the bad guy from final fantasy 7 and kingdom hearts 2

then the next morning when we got up we played the game again and then i came right home to make a blog about my night

thats about all i have to say to you so i am out of here


with painful love


Lando

The GOP will eat her alive

With shit like this


Hopefully Obama can still win the Democratic nomination. Who wants to be the one to tell their kids they didn't vote for that guy? With Hillary in the running... I just don't see her winning. John McCain and the Right will tear her apart, and we all know how Hillary responds when under stress.

This is going to be really interesting from here on out.

-Maynard

Perhaps I spoke too soon?

Remember yesterday when I said certain things should never be made into movies? Of course you do. One of the things I mentioned that should never be made into a film was Watchmen, Alan Moore's graphic novel. It's too big and unwieldy to be made into a decent movie. I honestly think, if someone simply HAS to film this, it should be made into a mini-series. Give it a good 8 hours for it's story to unfold. It would be worth it.

But, of course, it's being made into a feature length movie. Fine. I still don't like the idea. It just can't work.

That's what I thought yesterday. Today, stills featuring all the major characters (except Dr. Manhattan, who is a bit harder to put on screen) have finally hit the web, and I gotta say, they're not half bad.

COMEDIAN looks pretty awesome. Just how he should.


NITEOWL looks about right too. Maybe not schlubby enough, but I think he looks alright. He's a boring character anyways, so I won't be too upset if he sucks.


OZYMANDIAS looks alright, except for one thing- he's too young. This dude is supposed to be in his 40's. But I guess I can't be too picky. He looks good.


RORSCHACH is one I'm not digging. His mask looks like it's made of cotton. They better not fuck him up, he's the most badass of all graphic novel characters. But then again, I guess it is kind of hard to get him just right.


SILK SPECTRE looks pretty good. She was the most boring character anyways, so who cares?


So there you have it. Did I speak too soon? Probably not. It'll still more than likely suck, but these pics give me a little more hope. I wonder what Dr. Manhattan will look like? Can't wait to see pics of him.

That's all for now, suckers.

-Maynard

Dragon Ball Z movie delayed

Yeah... Dragon Ball Z rules. Forever. What of it? So as you might expect, I'm super pissed the movie has been delayed until April 2009. Just kidding. I'm quite pleased.

Look, this movie shouldn't be made. It's gonna suck. And sucky movies should not be made. There are certain pieces of storytelling that should not and cannot be made into films that will do the originals justice. Kafka's The Metamorphosis, Alan Moore's Watchmen (which is also being made into a film due out next year), and Dragon Ball Z. In each of their own formats, they're as good as can get. Try to put them on film and you'll fuck up everything that made them great. Anyone who has seen Street Fighter knows that.

So what am I getting at with this post? No idea. It's happening one way or the other. I guess... uh... just go out and buy season 4, now on DVD. And don't see this when it comes out. It'll suck.

I warned you.

-M

So... I suck at video games

Pretty badly. Pretty REALLY badly.

So I unexpectedly went to a sort of cook out today at my sisters. We'll call her... Saucy Sally. She's married to this guy, who we'll refer to as Frankie Teardrop. Sally and Frankie enjoy video games. I used to as well, up until the good game systems came out. Then it got too confusing for me and I gave up, becoming obsessed with movies and music instead. Every time I play games I get slaughtered. Today was no exception.

Lando was hanging out with them all day and the way he explains it, Saucy Sally and Frankie Teardrop spent the entire day trying to track down a game called Call of Duty 4. So this evening we all went over and decided to play. I knew it was a bad idea for me to even try because I have no idea how to even use those controllers. I sat and watched everyone playing and I thought- "Shit son, this looks easy. I could smoke these jokers."

So I tried. And sucked. Within the first few minutes, I was killed 8 times, if memory serves. I got in a few lucky shots, but that wasn't skill. Just random shooting. Every time I got a kill I tried to gloat over the fresh victim, and the damn body would explode right as I was trying to step on their face!! That happened like 5 times, maybe more. Plus I couldn't get a handle on the controllers. I'd get someone in my sights and I wouldn't be able to kill them because I'd shoot right next to them. It sucked. Everyone else was having a great time. I almost put my fucking foot through their television set. Luckily (for them) I contained my composure. I may not be able to kill them in a video game, but I could damn sure ki.... never mind.

Video games are fucked anyways. They should have just stopped making them after Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest came out. What's the point? After you beat that game, your life is complete. That game was awesome.

-M

New Job

Well maynard and i got a new job the other day at a place i hate and i pretty much quit. its not hard work or anything it just sucks. i am stocking stuff at a store in the mornings. i have to get up at 5 in the morning its BULLSHIT! i hated it right from the start when nobody would tell me what i was doing or how to do it so to get them back i hid alot of stuff and put everything in the wrong place ^____^ it was great.

they pretty much just let me and maynard do whatever we want. today this lady came and asked me something and i had no idea what to tell her. she kind of followed me around so i walked her over to this lady and made her show her everything.

oh yeah and there are some nice looking chicks there also i have my eye on one of them SLUTS! >=~D today one of them came up to me and started talking. she knows a good deal when she sees it. but what she doesn't know is that i am a bad risk who won't have a job by morning most likely. fuck it, man.


i will be fired soon. thats all thats been going on in landoland so see you suckas another time

Cat Wars: Final Battle

This is it. The battle to end all battles. Good vs. Evil. Who will claim ultimate victory?

Japan is sick

Sick meaning awesome, of course. Back in the 90's.



- The Always Classy,
Maynard

The Classiest Thing I Ever Saw

Dwight Howard at last years slam dunk contest. he should have won then. he won this year though, but he didn't have anything as classy as this.



EDIT: Further proof that Dwight Howard is a beast.

-L

Lost: Some thoughts and theories

Man, I'm addicted again. I don't think there's ever been a show as addicting as Lost. I need help. You want to know the thing that scares me most about the thought of dying? That I might not get to finish that damn show.

Enough of that, let's get on with this. WARNING- Spoilers follow.

So, tonight's episode, The Economist, kicked as much ass as the other two episodes this season. In fact, it was the best one yet. It was Sayid centric and that had me worried at first. I've never been a huge fan of the character. I've found him to be boring most of the time. But after this episode, I can't wait to find out more. What was he talking about when Ben said "you know what happened last time you thought with your heart instead of your gun?" (it was something like that).

My theory- someone got killed. Probably Claire. I don't know how yet. I think if anyone dies this season it will be her. Because as most of us know, Aaron ends up with Kate in the future. That could just mean that Claire gets left behind, but I don't think so. Usually, when a character dies, it's someone who serves the least amount of purpose. I think Claire fits that bill. Maybe Rose or Bernard. But I'll say it's Claire, just because Aaron ends up with Kate.

As for Kate, well, she wasn't as annoying in this episode. It was mostly about her feelings for Sawyer and or Jack. It might be just me, but I find the romantic stuff to be the most boring thing about Lost. Hopefully that'll end sooner rather than later ;)

Jack didn't have a lot to do either. He mostly sat around and watched Daniel. Have I mentioned how much I like these new characters? Well, all except Charlotte. I love Lost, but they seems to be unable to write interesting female characters. Ana Lucia was interesting, but... no one else thought so. Maybe that means I'm the one who's wrong? Pssh, whatever man.

As for the new characters. I think I like Daniel and Miles the best. Miles- he's funny, can talk to ghosts, ect. Plus I've always liked Ken Leung. And Daniel just makes me laugh. He looks a lot like my hillbilly Uncle Snake. And he acts like Lando whenever he gets around strangers (especially female strangers.) Frank seems interesting. He seems to be a great pilot. But how did he get all those cuts and bruises if he made that great landing?

Anywho, back to the action. So, Daniel's experiment. Proof that there is some sort of time disturbance? I think so. But it appears to be only a few minutes. I would have guessed much longer.

On the Hurley front, what's up with that, man? You betrayed your homies. But I liked his joke about Sayid's break dancing moves. So is he in with Locke now or what? In the last episode, Hurley made a comment about a certain cabin that seems to interest both Locke and Ben a great deal. If they both know that Hurley is "special", who does that help the most? Probably Ben. I don't think Locke wants Hurley to be as special as him. But then again, the same could be said of Ben. He shot Locke because he heard Jacob, after all. The only thing we know for certain is that things do not end well, as Hurley told Jack that he made a mistake by going with Locke. Am I the only one who really doesn't like what they're doing with Locke? He's my favorite character, but they're fucking him up I'm afraid. They're making him a dick. He never used to be this selfish. It looks like they're turning him into an egomanic. Please, Lost team, don't turn Locke into something that simple.

Oh, and Ben. Well, it's safe to say he survives the island and Locke. Who exactly is it that he's having Sayid hunt down and kill? And why?

Theory- Widmore people. Don't ask me why, but I think Widmore has a lot to do with this fucking shit. YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF, WIDMORE!! I guess that's not much of a theory though, is it? More of a hunch. Oh, and I'm betting big money that Ben's person on the boat is Michael. I don't know why he'd be working for him though... gotta think about that one a bit.

Well, that's about it for now. I didn't give myself any time to gather my thoughts with this one, so you'll have to forgive me for not touching on more subjects. Although I would like to add one more thing- why was Sayid all cuddled up with that chick like that? He was laying on her shoulder... kind of like a woman. That... disturbed me.

That's all for now folks.

-M.

My thoughts exactly

-Maynard

B... Bada?

Well, I guess Bada went through with the bet he made with Lando. He's dead. How could he not be? No one has seen him since the Superbowl. To refrsh your memories, Lando and Bada made a bet that Bada would have to kill himself if the Patriots lost, and... well, I don't have to remind you what happened.

None of us actually thought he'd go through with it. He and Lando make these bets all the time and he's never killed himself before. But I guess his favorite team going 18-1 was just too much for him. Either he can't live in a world where the Patriots don't win the Superbowl, or he can't live in a world where Lando wins. At anything. I feel sort of the same way. Me and Lando would play chess sometimes and he'd almost always win the first game. This would cause the chemicals in my brain to go all off-balance, ect. forcing me to challenge him to another game, where I would crush him into the ground with zero mercy >:D

But there can be no other game for Bada. The flaw with his bet was that he himself could not affect the outcome. That's why I never bet my life on football games. Too much can go wrong.

Ah well, forget it. I guess it's back to just me and Lando. Patrick is a dead man anyways. That guy causes so many problems I can't even believe it. Forget him too.

Just forget everything.

-M

TOP TEN: Favorite albums

I haven't done a top ten in a little while, so here's a new one. Again, if you don't agree with this list, maybe you should go listen to your brand new Kid Rock CD, FAG!!

1. OK Computer by Radiohead. Basically the best album ever made. It's hard for me to put into words exactly what it is. I look at this album as the beginning of an entirely new era in music. It changed everything. It's as close to perfect as you can get.

2. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot by Wilco. The American version of OK Computer. Or at least that's what they say. I think it's similar (especially in sound), but different in many other ways. OK Computer can at times seem distant and cold, but YHF always seems so personal and, even though the songs sound sad, there's a bit a hope in nearly every tune.

3. In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel. I can't think of a single album that I connect more to my childhood. It's funny though, because I didn't hear this album until I was, like, 21. But I'm not the only person who connects with it this way. Read any (possitive) review and you'll hear the same thing. Jeff Mangum's songs are very personal, but they're a type of personal everyone, especially young men I think, can relate to.

4. Loveless by My Bloody Valentine. Out of all the albums I've ever heard, this is the one that I simply cannot figure out how it was made. It seems impossible that anyone could get those instruments to make those sounds, no matter how much they're played with in the studio. It's the most dense album I've ever heard. But none of that would matter if the songs sucked. Thankfully, they don't. Far from it.


5. You Forget It In People by Broken Social Scene. It kind of reminded me of Loveless for this decade when I first heard it. This one is the hardest to pin down. It sounds like My Bloody Valentine having rough sex with Sonic Youth. That's as close as I can get to decribing it to someone who's never heard it.

6. Kid A by Radiohead. Radiohead's big "Fuck You" to everyone. So many people wanted them, NEEDED them to be the new U2 after OK Computer. Radiohead had other ideas. Devoid of guitars for much of the album, Radiohead instead decided to make a pop version of an electronic album. Some people say Radiohead shouldn't be hailed for this album because it sounds like other artists albums, namely Aphex Twin, but those people couldn't be more wrong. Aphex Twin could never make this album. There's too much humanity in Radiohead's electronica.

7. Anodyne by Uncle Tupelo. Before Wilco, Jeff Tweedy was the jr. partner of Uncle Tupelo, along with future Son Volt frontman Jay Farar (and some other guy no one cares about anymore). Listening to this album though, you'd have no idea the big ideas these guys would eventually be throwing around in their music. That's not a complaint though. This album sounds like three guys sitting around, singing sad songs about love and death, ect. But the songs are among the best either man ever wrote, and put them together and you've got perhaps the greatest alt country album ever. I love Wilco to death and I think they're the best band in American history, but if Uncle Tupelo could have gave us another couple of these albums, I wouldn't have complaned.

8. Highway 61 Revisted by Bob Dylan. A legend's very best album. Simple as that. Why are The Beatles considered to be the best of the 60's? They never made anything that could touch this album.

9. The Bends by Radiohead. Radiohead at their most British. For once, that's not a bad thing. Although the lyrics are downbeat and depressing (one reviewer suggested that Thom Yorke would be the next rock star to kill himself after listening to this album), the music is anything but. It is the guitar album of the 90's.

10. Doolittle by The Pixies. To put it simply, music today would be very different without this album. You can hear The Pixies influence literally everywhere you go. This is their most mature, and their most fun and funny album ever.

-M

"You always be tryin' to eat somebody's burger!!"

Happy Black History Month



-Maynard

Pre-order your copy now

Avalible April 8, 2008. Go to Amazon.com to pre-order yours today ^_____^

So how's it going with you? I'm alright. So remember how I told you my mom hit a deer? No? Well, she did. And she got a loaner car from her dealer (car dealer, not drug) and she's been driving it around for like a week. Today I was driving with her downtown when all of a sudden this cop pulls up behind her and flashes his lights. We pull over and he asks for lisense and insurance, ect. She tells him the car is a loaner car until she gets her's back from repair. The cop acts as if he doesn't believe her and says "Your dealership lent you a car without registration?" Yeah, turns out they gave us an illegal car pretty much. So that was pretty wonderful. He let her go with a warning and all that. Tomorrow is the time for revenge though. Muhahaha.

Also, me and Lando might, MIGHT be moving again. We'll find out tomorrow. Only thing is, it's a lot more expensive than the place we're in now. Plus we don't have a clue where to go to get our internet turned on, or even if we can afford to have it turned on right away. Either way, this house is nice and if we get in we will probably starve to death trying to keep up the payments. So if you don't have any updates from us for awhile, you'll know that either A: We couldn't afford to get our internet on or B: We're dead.

That's it for now. Don't forget to order the damn book.

Love,
-M

Lost: The Beginning of the End

Yeee hawwwwww!! Lost is back!! I've waited so long and it didn't disappoint. Exactly. I mean, there were some things I wasn't thrilled about. Like, how was Hurley able to find Jacob's cabin so easily? That seemed cheap. But I liked it.

Now, time for my sort of review/questions that must be asked.

Hurley- It was a Hurley episode so most of the questions will be about him. Why was he able to see Jacob? Locke only caught a small glimpse of him. Locke was only able to see him because he was "special." Does this mean Hurley is special too? Even more special than Locke? The only real mystery he's had until now was the numbers. The numbers= special? The numbers = JACOB?! Probably not.Why was Hurley able to see Charlie off the island? Cause he's really crazy or... what? Wait a sec, I just remembered something. Remember when Ben told Locke that "Jacob is not a person you go see, he's a person who summons you"? It was something like that. So... Jacob wanted to see Hurley? As Hurley tried to run away, the cabin appeared in front of him once again and the door opened slowly... Jacob inviting Hurley inside for a little chat? Why is Hurley important to Jacob? The mystery deepens...

Jack- Not a lot going on on the Jack front in this episode. He was pissed at Locke. Tried to murder him. Thought about growing a beard in the future. Other than that... he was boring.

Kate- Kate is always boring, this episode was no exception.

Locke- Locke is in an odd situation. Locke knows the people coming are no good, but, well, no one is going to listen to him. He killed Naomi (sooner or later). He blew up the submarine. He blew up the hatch. History is not on his side. And neither is the future, apparently. Hurley said he should have gone with Jack, so that leads one to believe things don't turn out so great for Team Locke. I hope they don't screw Locke over. He's my favorite character but they seem to love having him fuck up.

Sawyer- What's going on here? He seems to be pretty much back to normal. Last season, near the end, he kept getting darker and darker after killing Cooper. What happened to that? Charlie's death shook him back to his senses? Lame. I want dark Sawyer back!! He was way more interesting. He did end up leaving with Locke, and thus leaving Kate behind. Good for him. He can do better.

Desmond- Not much going on with him. He told everyone about Not Penny's Boat and then kind of looked upset when Hurley told Claire about Charlie's death. I'm thinking this season will be a lot about him feeling bad about Charlie. I wonder what they're going to do about his future sight?

Sayid- Boring, as usual. Although I hear he's got some very interesting stuff coming up soon ;)

Ben- Got beat up by a woman. I can't wait til the ball's back in his court. He's one of the best villians ever, but he can't be bad ass if he's tied up and getting beaten up by women. Although he doesn't seem too worried really. Perhaps because he's... ALREADY LIVED THROUGH THIS ONCE BEFORE?!

Claire- Boring. Was it just me or did she seem only kind of upset about Charlie? I mean, she was upset, but... it seemed fake. Bad acting, perhaps?

Alright, that's it for now. It was a good first episode back and it's to my understanding that it only gets better from here. It just sucks there's only going to be 7 more episodes and then it's going off air again. Ah well, better enjoy it while we have it.

-M

REVIEW: Juno by Maynard

Ok, first thing's first: I know I'm way late with this. It feels like the movie has been out for a year now already. But I didn't see it until recently and then I had to work out exactly what it was that I thought about this film and I think I've got it, although I probably won't be able to explain it how I want to.

Juno was nominated for 4 Academy Awards recently and that's probably what makes me feel the way I do about it. I'll just get it out of the way and say that it is very overrated. This is not one of the 5 best movies of the year, or even of the season. Now, if Juno had grossed 10 million dollars and got snubbed by the Oscars I really think I'd feel differently. But when it grosses 100 million (so far) and starts winning awards and getting all sorts of nominations and things, it starts getting certain expectations attatchd to it. And this movie just doesn't live up to them.

My main complaints with this movie are the same ones you've all heard already. The characters are fake and unrealistic. The dialouge is fake and unrealistic. None of the actors give anything above a good performance. Juno is supposed to be quirky and a rebel but listening to punk rock from 1977 doesn't make you quirky and what exactly is she supposed to be a rebel against? She seems exactly like every single girl with a myspace page, ever. Of course the girls aren't like that in real life, just on myspace. Again, this movie just isn't true to life.

I guess the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that it got so big. I can admit that. But what makes this film such a huge hit when better, funnier, more original comedies like Rushmore or The Royal Tenenbaums or Punch-Drunk Love or The Squid and the Whale get left behind? I asked myself the same question last year when Little Miss Sunshine started cleaning up. It's like people are finally starting to love the quirky comedies, but they're loving the wrong ones. Juno won't be nearly as remembered as those films have become in 5 years.

I gotta give this a 6/10. But like I said, if no one had ever really heard of this movie, it probably would be a 7/10. Over hyped.

Anna Paquin is a hot piece of ACE

Mmmm, delicious.

Their sadness empowers me

Here's a bunch of lonely women wearing their bridesmaid dresses to the fantastic* new movie, 27 Dresses. Goodness, this is funny. Look at them. No man wants them so they go to the movies together. Because they have no one to love. Here's a hint, ladies: Stop being the type of woman who wants to see 27 Dresses and maybe things will pick up. Or you can fuck off, I don't care.

^_____________________________^

* And by "fantastic", I mean "not fantastic."

-M

You stay classy, Best Buy

It always warms my heart to see something as tacky as this. Nothing makes a better profit than death, right? I mean, am I right or what? (High fives all around)

- The ALWAYS Classy Maynard

R.I.P. Heath Ledger.

This generations best actor died today :( That sucks, man. This guy was on his way to becoming the next Marlon Brando at best, Johnny Depp at worst. Now he's the new James Dean (or at least River Phoenix)

It just sucks so bad. He really had what it took to become an acting legend like DeNiro or Pacino or Day-Lewis. I know a lot of people like to make fun of Brokeback Mountain, but that will always be one of my favorite movies, if for no other reason than his performance, which was amazing. And I'm not saying this cause he died, he really gave probably the best male performance of this decade (so far)

This is gonna be awkward when The Dark Knight comes out. "That which doesn't kill us makes us stranger..." ...hmmmm, can't wait to hear all the lame, tactless jokes when that one comes out.

Such a waste of talent :(

Thoughts and prayers to his family.

R.I.P

-M

The Oscars suck (predicted winners)

Atonement? Michael Clayton? Juno? Ok, I actually don't have a whole lot against those films, but come on. No Into the Wild? I was predicting that would be one of the biggest nominations winners.

Ah well, todays nominations prove something I've been saying for a few months now- it's all between No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood. I'm guessing-

Picture- No Country for Old Men
Director- The Coens for No Country for Old Men
Actor- Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Actress- Julie Christie, Away from Her
Supporting Actor- Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men
Supporting Actress- Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone
Original Screenplay- Juno
Adadpted Screenplay- No Country for Old Men
Editing- No Country for Old Men
Cinematography- There Will Be Blood
Art Direction- There Will Be Blood
Costume- Atonement
Make-Up- La Vie en Rose
Score- Atonement
Song- "Falling Slowly" from Once
Sound- Transformers
Sound Editing- Transformers
Visual Effects- Transformers
Animated Movie- Ratatouille
Foreign Film- Beaufort
Documentary- No End in Sight

Yeah... so this year they really screwed us. There Will Be Blood's score totally deserved it, but they wouldn't let it in. Probably because they don't like rock stars (Jonny Greenwood from Radiohead did the score).

Atonement got in. Am I the only one who's sick of this whole "British thing"? As in... you know, British people?

Michael Clayton? Come on now. Come on.

AH well, like I said, at least I can take solice in the fact that the only two movies that stand a chance are No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood.

-M

Bada Could Die

hello people lando here with some great news


first off we all should know by now that maynard and I hate the New England Patriots and so i am now backing the NY Giants in the Superbowl


and i made a small bet with our Patriots loving friend Bada


if the Giants win the Superbowl this year then Bada must kill himself on web cam for all to see and if the Pats win then i dont have to do anything

Badas life is in the hands of Tom Brady now and im hoping like hell Brady cant pull it off

i dont want Bada to die but i dont want the Pats to win either

oh yeah and Dungy will be coming back to coach the Colts in the 2008 season

so get ready for NEXT YEAR!!

-L

And Pats fans wonder why everyone hates them

Ok, so Indianapolis gets knocked around for booing a 14 year old girl wearing a Patriots jersey. Well, wait till you get a load of this from a witness of the Pats vs. Jags game.

“I was wearing my Teddy Bruschi jersey and my friend Jeff had a Tom Brady shirt on,” Brian Wormstead said. “But my cousins, who flew up for the game from Jacksonville, were wearing Jaguars gear. Suddenly, two guys behind us start mouthing off, just being obnoxious. So I turned around and said, ‘C’mon, we just won the game. These are my cousins from Florida. Let’s just have a nice night, OK?’ ” Then he turned back.

Tanya Watson, 35, Brian’s cousin, describes what happened next. “They hit him from behind,” she said. “And when Jeff stepped in, they knocked him to the ground. My husband Chris was walking ahead of us; when he saw what was happening he came running. So Chris gets one of these guys in a headlock, trying to pull him away, and while they’re on the ground, someone else kicks him in the head. That’s how he got the black eye and swollen cheek. My husband never got hit by the ones who started it; he got hit by the ones passing by.”

What's worse, America? Booing a girl who had it coming, or beating the shit out of some guys for wearing a Jags jersey? You decide.

-Maynard

Still Here

Hey people remember me? i am Lando i have been taking some time off from this bitch because i had nothing to talk about at all

But now i will try to find some things and make a post 2 or 3 times a week because i know you all need it and want it but remember that i do not need you the truth is i always have something better to do then post a blog for my fans

but like i said i will try to make with the funny a few times a stupid week





enjoy me

-L

I'm a sick liar (plus updates)

I am a sick, sick man. For today, anyways. I don't know what happened, but I woke up feeling like 10 lbs of shit stuffed in a 5 lbs bag. :) My head hurts, my stomach is queasy, I have cotton mouth and the inside of my mouth taste metallic. Probably not a good sign right there. Ah well, at least it's not blood.

The thing is though, I actually had some important stuff I had to take care of this morning. I had a super secret meeting with some people at 8:30 that I totally missed because of my illness. So when I finally woke up, I ambled on down stairs and give those suckas a call. Only thing is, I didn't feel like telling them the reason I didn't come in was because I was sick, if you want to know the truth, so I came up with a half true story to lay on them. I told them I was on my way to the meeting, but I hit a deer and had to turn around.

Like I said, this is only half true. The other day my mother was driving the car when she smashed into a deer, killing it instantly. Then she let a couple of hillbillies take it home with them because they said it still had a lot of good meat. Then some other hillbillies tried to take the deer, all sneaky like... I don't want to get into a whole thing here. Point is I lied for no reason at all, and that's awesome.

Now for some updates. I know none of us (especially Lando or Bada or our supposed new member, Patrick), have really been keeping up with anything lately. Fact of the matter is, there's nothing to talk about. Ummm, lemme see, lemme see. I might be getting my own place soon, I might not. I was gonna rent this place with Lando, but we don't trust the guy renting it out. Then when we started looking for a new place, I found out about this place that pays you to drive their vans and deliver stuff all around American and Canada. So now I want to do that. Cause it's like they're paying you to go on road trips. And that's awesome as well.

So there you have it. I'm gonna get something to eat now and then go to bed. Or not. I don't like to plan that far ahead, most of the time.

-M

Best scene in Extras history

The complete series of Extras is coming out on DVD soon. It was a pretty good show, I guess. I guess I found it a little disappointing because it came after The Office, which is one of the best shows ever. Andy Milman was nowhere near as complete a character as David Brent. It seems like they saved all the really hilarious stuff for the special guest stars, and no moment in the shows entire run was funnier than this scene here, from the Extras Special. I didn't really like the special all that much- what was with all the dramatic music and life lessons? Fuck off, man. But anyways, this scene is great. Enjoy.



Love,
M

Fucking Colts.

That was the biggest bullshit I ever saw in my fucking life. Those fuckers. The Chargers didn't beat us, the Colts beat themselves.

The defense played like they played last season. How the fuck could that even happen? The Chargers two best players were out pretty much the entire second half, and the Colts just let their replacements run all over them. Bob fucking Sanders. You're supposed to be the best defensive player in the league. What was that shit? Marvin Harrison, you're a son of a bitch. You don't play for fucking months, then the first time you get your hands on the ball your fumble? And that fumble lead to a score. I'm pissed at all the Colts, but none moreso than you. You fucked us. The defense fucked up as a whole, but the offense didn't do so bad. But if you wouldn't have tried to do the fucking little spin move and just dropped down, they never would have gotten that score.

Bada will be happy cause now his team gets a clear path into the Superbowl. The Chargers aren't going to be shit to the Pats. Thanks a lot Colts. You let all your fans down.

... Ah well. Next year. And as long as an NCF team wins I'll be alright.... Fucking Colts. Drop dead.

-M

P.S. Oh yeah, I forgot. Even though it was painful to see my hometown team lose, it was funny as fuck to hear the fans boo that little girl. Hilarious, you might say. I'd like to take this chance to induct my home city of Indianapolis into The Classy's. It took a lot of the good stuff to do that.

Golden Globes predictions

I know. Whatever. I'm gonna make some predictions on the winners anyways. It doesn't make me any less of a man.

UPDATES!! 8 right, 6 wrong. My worst outing ever. Not... in a gay way. I'm not gay.

PICTURE, DRAMA- No Country for Old Men. I was wrong

PICTURE, MUSICAL OR COMEDY- Juno. Wrong again

DIRECTOR- Joel and Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men. Wrong AGAIN.

ACTOR, DRAMA- Daniel Day Lewis, There Will Be Blood. Right

ACTOR, MUSICAL OR COMEDY- Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd. Right

ACTRESS, DRAMA- Julie Christie, Away from Her. Right

ACTRESS, MUSICAL OR COMEDY- Ellen Page, Juno. Wrong

SUPPORTING ACTOR- Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men. Right

SUPPORTING ACTRESS- Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone. Wrong, and glad.

SCREENPLAY- Juno. Wrong

SCORE- Atonement. Right

SONG- "Guaranteed" from Into the Wild. Right

Foreign Film- The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Right

Animated- Ratatouille. Right

There. I have now correctly predicted the Golden Globes. Enjoy it, baby.

Chuck Norris beats women

thats the stuff

-L

Yo mama, Obama. Richardson FTW!!

Well well well. I never thought I'd see the day. Barack Obama, the only clean, bright half black man in the union (or so I hear)... completely dissmissing Painful Love and their support of his campaign. I guess he thought we'd be cool with it or something. Like, we can say we're backing him and that's that. Wrong my friend. When Painful Love backs a motherfucker, we expect him to back us too. I expected hits for this site to soar today. I thought Obama would be a dude and at least mention us, like we mentioned him. I don't think you can deny the fact that we have helped out him immensely. I just thought he'd do the same...

But whatever man. I watched those debates last night and I found a new man to back. And that man's name is Bill Richardson (D). I haven't heard much buzz for him since last night which was a little surprising. I don't think there was any doubt that he "won" the debate (if there can actually be a winner). He was the calmest, the most intelligent, laid out his plans clearly for the future, and was fucking funny. Seriously, people always talk about how boring debates are. To them I say- "You've never seen a Bill Richardson debate, muthafucka!!" Just check out these quotes.

"MR. GIBSON: I will let you off on specificity -- (laughter) -- of take-backs since we're running out of time.

Governor Richardson?

GOV. RICHARDSON: Well, I've made a lot of them. One that I particularly remember -- I think it was here in New Hampshire, the first debate -- I was asked who my favorite Supreme Court justice was, and I said, dead or alive? (Laughter.) I said -- I should have -- I should have stuck to the alive because I then said, "Whizzer" White, because I idolize John F. Kennedy and I figured if he appointed "Whizzer" White, this was a great Supreme Court justice. Well then I find out that "Whizzer" White was against Roe versus Wade, against civil rights -- (laughter). You know, so that's -- that wasn't a good one. (Laughter, applause.)"

"You know, what I've said is that if I'm elected president, I'm going to have a Cabinet of Republicans, Democrats and Independents. Now, I won't overdo the Republicans, but -- (laughter)

"Well, I've been in hostage negotiations that are a lot more civil than this. (Laughter, applause.)" - After Hilary Clinton got all pissed off.

On to Clinton and Edwards- I think they kind of fucked up, but Clinton did it moreso. I guess she's under the impression that people want her to act like a stereotypical man or something. She got angry easily, was on the verge of shouting a few times even. She lost Iowa so of course she'd want to come out swinging, but Obama and Edwards were clearly on the same side. They double teamed that bitch and sent her home to mama with a rolling DDT, so to speak. I think she really fucked herself up. The people of New Hampshire aren't going to vote for an angry lesbian looking dame. They're not that kind of people. Edwards, well, what happened to him? He seemed angry too. That's not who he is and I think everyone knows it. His charm is being the smiling, nice southern boy. I didn't see that last night. He acted kind of like a dick from time to time. Again, I think this is a mistake on his part and will hurt him in the long wrong.

Obama seemed flustered. He didn't seem presidential to me. He seemed fidgety. He stuttered and mumbled during difficult questions. Add that to the no mention of our site and you've got a real double negative. Here's was an exchange that made me giggle-

" SEN. OBAMA: I just want to add I agree with John, which is why I prohibited lobbyists from buying meals for members of Congress --

MR. EDWARDS: Good idea.

SEN. OBAMA: -- because -- and some of them complained. They said --

MR. EDWARDS: Maybe they'll get a little --

MR. SPRADLING: Well, with all due respect --

SEN. OBAMA: -- they said, where am I going to eat?

MR. SPRADLING: They can now buy food for members of Congress if the members of Congress are standing up. (Laughter.) That's my understanding what the rules have changed. You can't sit down and eat, but you can stand up and eat.

SEN. OBAMA: Yeah, well, the --

MR. SPRADLING: Tell me why that's changed. (Laughter.)

SEN. OBAMA: Here's -- here's -- here's -- here's what we did. They can't buy meals, they can't provide gifts; they can no longer lend corporate -- (off mike) --"

Richardson, on the other hand, seemed calm, collected and relaxed. He knows he doesn't stand a chance, so he decided to enjoy himself. He was cracking jokes all night, baby. The moderator didn't mention his numbers in the polls, and he mentioned it as kind of a joke on himself. He knows his numbers are low. He went out there with the mind frame of "Hey, I got nothing to lose anyways, might as well make the most of it." And he did. I'd like to see him gain more traction as thing thing goes on, but I think it's too late now. Maybe it's for the best. He doesn't look like he can handle stress, real stress, well. 2 years into this job and he'll be suffering his second heart attack. Maybe our backing him isn't a good thing, because his numbers are going to skyrocket now. Ah well, fuck it. If he dies, there's no blood on my hands.

Vote Bill Richardson. (Sorry, I thought I had a pic of him, but this feline will do)

-M

REVIEW: 2007 by Maynard

2007. Wow, what a year. Right? Right. When I cared about Myspace, I wrote one of these for 2006. 2004 and 2005 were terrible years for me, and 2006 was one of the best. 2007 was distinctly average. Things started off pretty great for me, with the Colts going on their run that eventually lead to their Superbowl win. The Colts came to Indianapolis, the city I was born in, the same year I was born, so I feel like their "my" team. So them winning was pretty much like I won. I still feel like a winner by proxy.

Then The Departed won a bunch of Oscars, including Picture and Director. This isn't exactly a big deal, except that I proved to myself and others how awesome I am at predicting the Oscars, cause I knew it would win all that shit back in December 2004. So I won there.

So far, so awesome. Then from March to June it was just a blur. Nothing really special. June I got a job at a factory, which did not end well. In late July, I moved into these apartments, started being a life guard or whatever, ect. Lando was there the whole time, making my life hell. He never stops complaining. Wait, that was winter. September came and we started this blog. Then Bada joined in November or December, I can't remember. Patrick joined today. But that's 2008. So we'll talk about him next year.

Music, it was the year of the Stripped Down sound. Wilco, Kevin Drew, Radiohead, ect. all had new albums and they were all different from their last albums, just because they sounded so small. I think that was a trend this year. Small and intimate.

Movies on the other hand, were big and bold, with There Will Be Blood, Sweeney Todd and No Country for Old Men, ect. I think NCFOM is probably the best movie I've seen this year.

In just regular entertainment... a lot of women got really annoying really quickly. And that's all that happened, apparently.

I dunno how I feel about this year. I'm not sad to see it go, I guess. I've got big plans for this year. None will come to fruition. But whatever. Hope you all have a great 2008, but I hope my 2008 is better.

-M

PPPPPP All the Way

Who am I? What am I? I am P. What is "P"? P can mean Patrick. But I demand it mean other things! P that stands for Powerful or Politics. How about Pears and Plums? How about Pigs and Porcupines? I want to finish this another time so for now just call me P !

I hereby declare myself leader of this group!

Let's Talk Politics!!

YEE-HAH!! Iowa!! Caucus, that is. What an interesting evening. I didn't, like, follow it all that closely, but I found out enough to be going on with, thank you very much. Clinton came in third, Obama came in first, and Huckabee likes to play bass.

(Sigh)... I just don't know anymore. I remember in 2004, I was so excited about the possibilities of the future. Then Bush won again and I was crushed. This year... there's not many people I'm very excited about. I love Obama, but let's be serious... how long until some redneck "takes matters into his own hands, son"? Hopefully that won't happen, but I'd be afraid every day that I'd wake up to news like that. John Edwards... I don't have anything against him, exactly, he just doesn't strike me as presidential.

Hilary... well...

Yeah...

As for the Republicans, I just don't care. Ron Paul would be awesome, except he's crazy. He's the kind of guy you only want to lead for ONE DAY, not 4 years. Plus I'd be afraid every night before I go to bed that I'd wake up and turn on the t.v. and found out he died. He's old, man.

Everyone else on the Right... I dunno. It'd be like replacing Bob Barker with Drew Carey. Stale and boring. And kind of over weight.

Alright... Painful Love is officially backing Barak Obama for President. Hopefully he'll mention that when he goes to New Hampshire.

Offical prediction- Democrats will pick Obama and Evan Bayh and the Republicans will pick Huckabee and Romney. BOO YAH!! Dig it.

-M

Top Ten: Funniest T.V. Shows

As always, if you don't agree with the list, it's probably cause you're a moron or something.

10. Curb Your Enthusiasm. Has there ever been a show that has each and every episode wrap itself so neatly together from beginning to end? Probably not. And has there ever been a guy who gets more screwed over than Larry David? Probably only George Costanza, who was based on David in the first place.
BEST MOMENT- The ending of season 6, where Larry and the Blacks decide to stay together.

9. Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I wanted to put it higher on the list, but these last few seasons... well, anyways, the first 3 seasons should put it on anyones list. It concerns the adventures of 3 living, walking, talking food products- Frylock, Master Shake and Meatwad, along with their neighbor Carl.
BEST MOMENT- Shake knocking the drinks out of Ol' Drippy's hand, then getting chased out of the house by Meatwad.

8. Space Ghost Coast to Coast. I'll be honest- this might be my favorite show ever. But it has too many moments were they simply fuck with the audience to be any higher than it is. It's about 60's embarrassment Space Ghost, who gets his own talk show with the help of Moltar and Zorak, two of his captured enemies.
BEST MOMENT- Space Ghost getting sued by Jan and Jace. "LAWSUIT!!" (Spits water into the camera)

7. Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. This is easily one of the funniest shows ever, and it probably would have been in the top 5 if it had lasted longer. The thing is, it only had 6 episodes. But those 6 episodes were awesome. The show is about a group of actors who, back in the day, made a television show called Darkplace. The show within a show was about a hospital where all kinds of crazy shit happened. If you can find it, watch it.
BEST MOMENT- Dean Learner always looking directly into the camera.

6. Home Movies- The show about a group of kids who act more like adults, making home movies about the stupidest shit ever. It makes the list because of the great writing and all that, but it would have made the list anyways just because of Coach McGuirk and Jason.
BEST MOMENT- Dressing Melissa's grandfather up as a woman and filming it.

5. South Park. Another show that I basically had no choice but to put it on the list. I have a few problems with the show, namely their love of relying on fart jokes and such, but I can't deny the greatness of this show. Cartman is a legend.
BEST MOMENT- Cartman getting that Scott kid to eat his own parents.

4. Seinfeld. Here's the thing- I've seen this show so many times, it's lost a tiny bit of it's magic. If it was still new to me, it'd be number 2, maybe even number 1. But alas, it's just not "fresh" anymore. But no one can deny it's impact. And it still makes me laugh, so...
BEST MOMENT- George getting robbed by the prostitute.

3. The Office (the British version). I've come to really enjoy the American version. But comparing the two isn't apples and oranges as some will tell you. Comparing these two is like comparing the new Star Wars trilogy to the old one. You can see plenty to like about the new one, but come on, be real. The original is the best. This show, like the American show, focuses on a group of people who work for a freakishly self-involved boss, David Brent. The British version is much, much more reality based though and I think that's what makes it so great. I shouldn't have to explain this one though. If you've seen it, you'll know why it's amazing.
BEST MOMENT- David Brents freestyle dance.

2. The Simpsons. Okay, I would just like to make this clear once again- The Simpsons, at it's height, was the best show ever made. But I can't just forget the bad (the last 10 years) and just focus on the good. That wouldn't be fair. So, considering how badly the show has sucked recently (and it just keeps getting worse. Really, end it already), I have no choice but to make it number 2. But damn, when it was great, nothing could touch it. I remember when I was a kid watching it and I thought it was hilarious, and now that I've grown up, it's even funnier cause I understand it so much more.
BEST MOMENT- "Whoa! I'm seeing double! 4 Krusty's!"

1. Arrested Development. Remember when I said no show ever tied itself together so neatly as Curb Your Enthusiasm? I lied. The only other show that tops it is Arrested Development. But they didn't just have running themes for 1 show or even 1 season, this show had 3 whole seasons worth of in-jokes. If you didn't see every episode, you'd miss a quick reference. You'd think that was annoying, but it wasn't. The more it went on, the more fans became rabid (in a good way). It's probably the smartest comedy ever. And the best.
BEST MOMENT- "Banger in the mouth"

Honorable mentions- Saturday Night Live, Futurama, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, King of the Hill

Yours truly-
M

Cat Wars: "This could be the end"

Things are heating up on the Cat Wars front. As you'll recall, last time out all the evil cats in the world went batshit insane and let loose and all their human dictators. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (aka the good cats) held a secret meeting to discuss what to do... before it's too late



Cat of the left: WE MUST ACT!! Assemble The League!! This could be the end!

Cat on the right: NO! No, if we tip our hand too soon, all will be lost.

COTL: You fool! You've always been a fool! Ruling with your mind instead of your heart!

COTR: Wuh?

COTL: I forget... moving on... looks like you got a little dirt on ya. Lemme just... lemme just (starts licking)

Happy New Year, everyone.

Top Ten: Songs of the 70's

First things first, the results of the last two polls.

90's-
Smells Like Teen Spirit- 9 (total votes)
Sometimes- 6
Paranoid Android- 6
Sabotage- 4
All Apologies- 3
No Surprises- 3
Unravel- 3
Karma Police- 2
Jane Says- 1
Sunken Treasure- 1

80's-
Love Will Tear Us Apart- 8
Don't Stop Believing- 6
Where Is My Mind?- 5
This Must Be the Place- 4
Teen Age Riot- 4
It's the End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)- 2
Just Like Honey- 1
This Is the Day- 1
Making Plans for Nigel (which I just learned is a 70's song)- 0
Down Under- 0

Ok, now for my favorite songs of the 70's

10. Metamorfose Ambulante by Raul Seixas

9. Judy Is a Punk by The Ramones

8. Pink Moon by Nick Drake

7. Idiot Wind by Bob Dylan

6. Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

5. Cosmic Dancer by T. Rex

4. Heroes by David Bowie

3. Kaze Wo Atsumete by Happy End

2. Street Hassle by Lou Reed

1. Here Comes the Warm Jets by Brian Eno.

Now shut up and vote.