Lost, baby!! Damn, this season has been a monster roller coaster ride, eh? Sure, there have been some glaring continuity issues (remember when Jack said that Locke told him lots of bad things happened when he left the Island and that he needed to go back to save everyone? Turns out that never happened...)
But one thing is for sure, everyone loves Desmond. He's about the only character on the show, besides Hurley, that everyone loves. Everyone is on his side. Everyone except this lady who is suing him for sexual harassment. From TMZ.com-
"According to a lawsuit filed today in Los Angeles Superior Court, Chelsea Stone claims that while working on the show, Cusick placed his hand on her buttocks and caressed the back of her body while making moaning sounds.
She also claims Cusick 'placed his face on top of [her] breasts, moving his face from side to side.' He then squeezed her breasts with his hands."
Smooth. That's how I get laid all the time. I thought big famous actors were supposed to have more game than that. He moved his face from side to side? Like in shaking his head no? Like he was touching her but fighting his inner demons at the same time? I guess the demons won. I dunno man. Why didn't her lay some smooth Scottish lines on her?
"You know what the best part of taking a shower with a 16 year old girl is?"
"What?"
"When her hair gets wet she looks 14."
"...What?"
(Grabs breasts and shakes head from side to side)
-M
Friday, April 24, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Lessons from Frankie
Frankie Teardrop is a legend in his own time. Just ask him. He's one of the baddest and best looking motherfuckers of all time. He's a sage warrior. A manic poet.
He's also chalk full of advice. I'm going to pass some of his words of wisdom on to you, faithful reader. Enjoy the realness.
1. Never spend and entire day eating and smoking and drinking beer and then smoke some pot. You'll throw up.
2. Simon and Garfunkle suck. But it's also cool to drive around blasting "The Sound of Silence".
3. The best way to do a push up is to pretend you're having sex.
4. It's always important to make friends with foreigners, that way when shit goes wrong they can be blamed for it.
5. Asian men are sexually inadequate.
6. The best way to pass a drug test is to say you have kidney stones. Then when you have to pee in the cup, just pee a little, then give yourself a nosebleed and somehow get the blood in the cup with the urine, then clean yourself up, then give them the pee. You might get sent home from work.
7. Every single movie ever is better when high. Like "Troll 2".
8. Puerto Rico is just Mexico, except and island version of Mexico.
9. Killing dogs senselessly is hilarious... okay, I made that one up.
Anywho, I love Frankie Teardrop. Everyday is a new adventure. A racist, pot fueled adventure. Truly a man of his time.
-M
He's also chalk full of advice. I'm going to pass some of his words of wisdom on to you, faithful reader. Enjoy the realness.
1. Never spend and entire day eating and smoking and drinking beer and then smoke some pot. You'll throw up.
2. Simon and Garfunkle suck. But it's also cool to drive around blasting "The Sound of Silence".
3. The best way to do a push up is to pretend you're having sex.
4. It's always important to make friends with foreigners, that way when shit goes wrong they can be blamed for it.
5. Asian men are sexually inadequate.
6. The best way to pass a drug test is to say you have kidney stones. Then when you have to pee in the cup, just pee a little, then give yourself a nosebleed and somehow get the blood in the cup with the urine, then clean yourself up, then give them the pee. You might get sent home from work.
7. Every single movie ever is better when high. Like "Troll 2".
8. Puerto Rico is just Mexico, except and island version of Mexico.
9. Killing dogs senselessly is hilarious... okay, I made that one up.
Anywho, I love Frankie Teardrop. Everyday is a new adventure. A racist, pot fueled adventure. Truly a man of his time.
-M
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Flop-A-Mania.
So it was Wrestlemania time again. This was my take on it:
Money In The Bank Ladder Match.
CM Punk v Mark Henry v Mvp v Finlay v Benjamin v Kingston v Christian v Kane.
This match was pretty poor and seemed to fly by quickly. In my opinion it's stupid putting Mark Henry in a Ladder match. Anyway CM Punk won Money In The Bank once again. -YAWN- Why have the same wrestler winning Money In The Bank again. Complete pointless. I don't really like Christian or Mvp but why not give them a title match?
Then Kid Rock performs, which last about 10 minutes or just under. Utter crap. They could of added the 10 minutes of the shit what was Kid Rock to actually make a decent Money In The Bank match.
25 Diva Battle Royal.
This was a complete joke. Santina dressed up as a woman. Wins the Battle Royal. What a joke.
Elimination Match.
Chris Jericho v Roddy Pipper, Jimmy Snuka & Ricky Steamboat with Ric Flair.
Another reason why the WWE sucks so badly now. They keep bringing back the ancient people who are past it. It was completely obvious that Jericho would win and he did win the match. Then Mickey Rourke got into the ring and danced about like he was a boxer and punched Jericho in the face. BORING! So predictable.
Jeff Hardy v Matt Hardy.
This was probably the 2nd best match. Ladders, Chairs and Tables were involved. I was pretty pissed though because Jeff laid Matt on a table outside the ring and then put another table on top of the table that Matt was lying on. I thought to myself, get the Ladders out and jump from the top. Instead he only got on the turnbuckle and jumped on the tables. It was pretty cool though what Jeff did next. He set up the two ladders in the ring while Matt was laying down on the mat. The smaller ladder was behind of the big ladder and he leapfrogged over the big ladder and did a leg drop but Matt moved out the way. In the end Matt Hardy won the match.
IC Title Match
JBL v Rey Mysterio.
The match lasted a whole of 21 seconds or something. I mean what's the point in making a match which lasts this long? Utter pointless. There entrances took up more time than the actual match. Rey won with the 619.
Shawn Michaels v The Undertaker.
Best match in my opinion. The only reason why it was so good was because of HBK. The Undertaker is just LAME. If it wasn't for HBK the match would of sucked big time. Anyway HBK kicked out of the Chokeslam, The Tombstone, The Last Ride also i think. HBK was kicking out of everything and reversing everything. Undertaker kicked out of the Sweet Chin Music, then eventually HBK tried to do a Lionsault move and The Undertaker caught him and gave him a Tombstone. Match over. Lame Taker wins. The thing that annoys me so much is that of all the wrestlers in the business, they give the Lame Taker an undefeated record. He's LAME. I hate him so much. He is never going to lose at Wrestlemania, it's a complete joke.
World Heavyweight Championship Match
Edge v Cena v Big Show.
Usually i think triple threat matches are decent. Not this one. It was utter crap. The best bit about the match was when Cena gave Big Show the Attitude Adjustment. Yes, that's right, his finishing move has been renamed. It is no longer allowed to be called the FU. For whatever reason i do not know. (Hadn't watched wrestling for a while before Wrestlemania). Anyway THE CHAMP IS HERE. Yeah, Cena won. So predictable again.
The Hall Of Fame members came out.
Then Stone Cold left, while the other HOF members were there. I thought to myself, how disrespectful. Then he came out on his little buggy/jeep thing and came down to the ring and started to toast beers. I guess he had to give the fans one last memory now that he has sold out and won't wrestle ever again.
WWE Championship Randy Orton v Triple H.
The rules got changed to who ever gets DQ. The other person would win the title. I thought something cool has got to happen then. I was thinking of a screwjob. I was wrong. The referee got knocked out and Triple H used advantage of the situation and gave Orton the Sledgehammer to the head, then Pedigree. GAME OVER. Pathetic last match.
Overall Wrestlemania was a total utter bull crap. A complete waste of money.
-Bada.
Money In The Bank Ladder Match.
CM Punk v Mark Henry v Mvp v Finlay v Benjamin v Kingston v Christian v Kane.
This match was pretty poor and seemed to fly by quickly. In my opinion it's stupid putting Mark Henry in a Ladder match. Anyway CM Punk won Money In The Bank once again. -YAWN- Why have the same wrestler winning Money In The Bank again. Complete pointless. I don't really like Christian or Mvp but why not give them a title match?
Then Kid Rock performs, which last about 10 minutes or just under. Utter crap. They could of added the 10 minutes of the shit what was Kid Rock to actually make a decent Money In The Bank match.
25 Diva Battle Royal.
This was a complete joke. Santina dressed up as a woman. Wins the Battle Royal. What a joke.
Elimination Match.
Chris Jericho v Roddy Pipper, Jimmy Snuka & Ricky Steamboat with Ric Flair.
Another reason why the WWE sucks so badly now. They keep bringing back the ancient people who are past it. It was completely obvious that Jericho would win and he did win the match. Then Mickey Rourke got into the ring and danced about like he was a boxer and punched Jericho in the face. BORING! So predictable.
Jeff Hardy v Matt Hardy.
This was probably the 2nd best match. Ladders, Chairs and Tables were involved. I was pretty pissed though because Jeff laid Matt on a table outside the ring and then put another table on top of the table that Matt was lying on. I thought to myself, get the Ladders out and jump from the top. Instead he only got on the turnbuckle and jumped on the tables. It was pretty cool though what Jeff did next. He set up the two ladders in the ring while Matt was laying down on the mat. The smaller ladder was behind of the big ladder and he leapfrogged over the big ladder and did a leg drop but Matt moved out the way. In the end Matt Hardy won the match.
IC Title Match
JBL v Rey Mysterio.
The match lasted a whole of 21 seconds or something. I mean what's the point in making a match which lasts this long? Utter pointless. There entrances took up more time than the actual match. Rey won with the 619.
Shawn Michaels v The Undertaker.
Best match in my opinion. The only reason why it was so good was because of HBK. The Undertaker is just LAME. If it wasn't for HBK the match would of sucked big time. Anyway HBK kicked out of the Chokeslam, The Tombstone, The Last Ride also i think. HBK was kicking out of everything and reversing everything. Undertaker kicked out of the Sweet Chin Music, then eventually HBK tried to do a Lionsault move and The Undertaker caught him and gave him a Tombstone. Match over. Lame Taker wins. The thing that annoys me so much is that of all the wrestlers in the business, they give the Lame Taker an undefeated record. He's LAME. I hate him so much. He is never going to lose at Wrestlemania, it's a complete joke.
World Heavyweight Championship Match
Edge v Cena v Big Show.
Usually i think triple threat matches are decent. Not this one. It was utter crap. The best bit about the match was when Cena gave Big Show the Attitude Adjustment. Yes, that's right, his finishing move has been renamed. It is no longer allowed to be called the FU. For whatever reason i do not know. (Hadn't watched wrestling for a while before Wrestlemania). Anyway THE CHAMP IS HERE. Yeah, Cena won. So predictable again.
The Hall Of Fame members came out.
Then Stone Cold left, while the other HOF members were there. I thought to myself, how disrespectful. Then he came out on his little buggy/jeep thing and came down to the ring and started to toast beers. I guess he had to give the fans one last memory now that he has sold out and won't wrestle ever again.
WWE Championship Randy Orton v Triple H.
The rules got changed to who ever gets DQ. The other person would win the title. I thought something cool has got to happen then. I was thinking of a screwjob. I was wrong. The referee got knocked out and Triple H used advantage of the situation and gave Orton the Sledgehammer to the head, then Pedigree. GAME OVER. Pathetic last match.
Overall Wrestlemania was a total utter bull crap. A complete waste of money.
-Bada.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Trent Reznor... Funny?
track list:
1. intro skit
2. everybody's doing it (featuring chris martin, jay-z AND bono)
3. black t-shirt
4. pussygrinder (featuring sheryl crow)
5. coffin on the dancefloor
6. this rhythm is infected
7. slide to the dark side
8. even closer (featuring justin timberlake and maynard james keenan)
9. on the list (she's not)
10. clap trap crack slap
11. laid, paid and played (featuring fergie of the black eyed peas and al jourgensen)
12. feel like being dead again
13. still hurts (featuring alicia keys)
14. outro skit
This dude has been a dick for a long time. Nice to see he's got a decent sense of humor after all. That leather jacket and those sunglasses killed it.
-M
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The Illest
I'm sick. Flu and viral pneumonia. Got a week off work though. I'm not sure what viral pneumonia is. How's it different from regular pneumonia? Either way I feel like I'm going to die. And the doctors were really weird. And there was this midget asking me questions :( I hate being sick.
-M
-M
Monday, March 16, 2009
Tv Shows.
So i have noticed that on a lot of Tv Shows that i like, they seem to be killing a lot of characters off. I'm not even going to try and guess who.
Chuck:
Number of deaths: 1
24:
Number of deaths: 2 (at least)
Smallville:
Number of deaths: 2
Heroes:
Number of deaths: 3
Supernatural:
Number of deaths 1 (at least)
Lost:
Number of deaths 2 (at least)
Ghost Whisperer:
Number of deaths 1
Prison Break:
Number of deaths 2 (at least)
What the hell is going on here?
Bada.
Chuck:
Number of deaths: 1
24:
Number of deaths: 2 (at least)
Smallville:
Number of deaths: 2
Heroes:
Number of deaths: 3
Supernatural:
Number of deaths 1 (at least)
Lost:
Number of deaths 2 (at least)
Ghost Whisperer:
Number of deaths 1
Prison Break:
Number of deaths 2 (at least)
What the hell is going on here?
Bada.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Is This True?
'“In return for a pen holder carved from the timbers of the sister ship of the one the White House desk is made from and a first edition of a seven-volume biography of Winston Churchill, the Daily Mail is appalled that “Barack Obama, the leader of the world’s richest country” gave Brown a box set of 25 DVDs selected by the American Film Institute. These, it says, include Raging Bull, Casablanca, Psycho and The Graduate. It is, the Mail says, “a gift about as exciting as a pair of socks”.'
Just read this somewhere online so you know it's 100% true. Whoa. Whose gift is worse? A pen holder vs. 25 DVDs? Raging Bull was an awesome movie. I love the scene where Joe Pesci threatens to stab his son with a knife and then DeNiro barges in and beat the living shit out of him. 25 DVDs. That's hours on entertainment. A fucking pen holder? Worthless. Just put your pens on the floor and forget about them like I do.
-M
Just read this somewhere online so you know it's 100% true. Whoa. Whose gift is worse? A pen holder vs. 25 DVDs? Raging Bull was an awesome movie. I love the scene where Joe Pesci threatens to stab his son with a knife and then DeNiro barges in and beat the living shit out of him. 25 DVDs. That's hours on entertainment. A fucking pen holder? Worthless. Just put your pens on the floor and forget about them like I do.
-M
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Just One More
Okay, gonna lay off the racist stuff for awhile. But seriously, what the hell is this?
-M
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Fucking Mexicans
I don't have a problem with Mexicans, but some of my Mexican friends do. Take my dear friend Paula. Yesterday at work, she say waiting and waiting for something very important. But when the Mexican fork lift driver finally brought it, he put it in the wrong place, far from where she needed it.
"Fucking Mexicans," she whispered, "FUCKING MEXICANS!!"
Made my day.
So what's new with you?
-M
"Fucking Mexicans," she whispered, "FUCKING MEXICANS!!"
Made my day.
So what's new with you?
-M
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Homosexual Madness
So I rent my big ass t.v. Yeah. And every week I have to go make a payment. The other day I went in to make a payment but no one was at the front desk. I could hear giggling coming from the back room... I sat at the front desk, listening to the giggling for a little while. I figured someone would come to help me in a minute or two. But no one ever came. So I followed the sound of the giggling as it lead me to the back room. The door was open. I peered inside. I saw the weird white guy that works there and the weird black guy that works there playing with a basketball. The basketball got away from the black guy and when that happened the white guy run up behind him and got him in a bear hug. It was beyond gay. I knocked on the door and asked, "Am I interrupting?" The black guy ran out of the room and to the front desk, while embarrassingly explaining to me that they were simply, "playing with that ball."
Sure man. Whatever. As I was leaving I noticed him hurrying back to his embrace. He wanted it bad.
-M
Sure man. Whatever. As I was leaving I noticed him hurrying back to his embrace. He wanted it bad.
-M
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Obama bin Laden
Obama bin Laden... so, they've finally decided to use science to track black people. Awesome.
-L
God of War 3: Blood Harvest
Okay, I don't think it's actually going to be sub-titled "Blood Harvest", but come on. Now I have to get a PS3. And a girlfriend would be nice. A car, maybe. Fuck it.
-L
-L
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Radiohead>The Beatles
This is going to be a tough one. I expect to convince absolutely no one. But with this post, I will do my very best to explain why Radiohead has passed The Beatles for title of all time greatest band in history ever.
There's no doubt The Beatles are the more important band. The more popular band. The more successful band. I'm not going to argue that one. I'd lose. But just because a band is more popular doesn't make them better. Britney Spears is just about the most popular musical entity this past decade, but does anyone (except teenage girls and gay guys) really think she can compete for title of "Best" this past decade? Hell no.
Before we go any further I think I need to make it clear that I love The Beatles. I simply believe Radiohead are a better band. So if I say anything bad about The Beatles you'll have to forgive me because it's not coming from a place of hatred.
Okay, first let's start with impact. I know I said I couldn't argue Radiohead is as important as The Beatles and they're not. Without The Beatles Radiohead wouldn't exist. Well, so what? Without Brando, Pacino and DeNiro and Day-Lewis wouldn't exist (as far as their acting goes, I mean. I'm not suggesting Brando fathered all of them). I think an argument could be made that those three actors have surpassed Brando, but because Brando came first, he'll always be considered the best. Same with The Beatles. They were first so they'll always be considered the best. Whether or not a band is actually better doesn't matter to most people because they'll always throw out the argument that without The Beatles, said band wouldn't even exist. I hate that argument. It's too easy. Too simple.
Yes, The Beatles are the biggest influence in rock history, but let's not downplay Radiohead's influence. They're the most important band of the last decade. You can hear them everywhere. Coldplay, TV on the Radio, Arcade Fire, Travis, Elbow, etc. Even their contemporaries like Wilco have obviously been influenced by Radiohead. But I have to give this one to The Beatles. Everyone has been influenced by them, whether they know it or not.
But speaking of contemporaries, let's talk about that some more. The Beatles hit during the 60's. Most would consider this the greatest decade in musical history. It was a time when a band could be good and still sell records. It's hard to find any great bands nowadays selling millions of records. Today's musical giants are dominated by the likes of Kid Rock and Nickleback or whatever the hell people listen to these days. I think this makes Radiohead's mega stardom all the more impressive. I'd be willing to bet that the average person on the street couldn't name one Radiohead song outside of "Creep", yet their albums almost always debut at number one. If nothing else it proves how diehard their fans are. Their newer songs are rarely ever played on mainstream radio stations yet their one of the most consistent forces in popular music.
Of course their success can't compare to The Beatles. And The Beatles had to compete against the likes of Bob Dylan, The Beach Boys, The Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, etc. Ask anyone who the most popular and important musical entity of the 60's were and you'll get The Beatles. But come on. Look at that competition!! The HAD to be great because there were so many other great bands waiting to take their place. If Radiohead released a bad album, who could take their spot? Coldplay sell more records but does anyone think they'll ever be as good as Radiohead? TV on the Radio have the potential to be as great as Radiohead, but will they ever sell as many records? Radiohead are big fish in a small pond. The have no great rivals. (If anyone says U2 I will personally stick a fork in your throat. It's been over 20 years since they were really a great band). Sure, for about 8 years they had Wilco, but Wilco dropped the ball big time with Sky Blue Sky, and their best album (Yankee Hotel Foxtrot) was clearly inspired by works like OK Computer and Kid A. Not to take anything away from Wilco of course, who are a great band, but we're not hear to talk about them today.
Let's look for a moment at what each band has actually DONE. The Beatles started out singing songs about holding hands and secretly loving some girl. That's what was cool back in the early 60's. Radiohead started out much the same way, but in a grungier way. That was cool back in the early 90's. Then The Beatles started getting better, stronger, faster. Rubber Soul and Revolver set them apart from everyone. The songs got more complex. Deep. Stranger. Suddenly everyone else was struggling to keep up. This explosion lead to some of the greatest music ever. Brian Wilson has admitted for four decades now that Pet Sounds was directly influenced by the two albums I just mentioned. So then The Beatles released Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, The White Album, Abbey Road, etc. No mater what anyone else did The Beatles were simply ahead of the curve. The Beatles did it, then everyone else followed suite.
Radiohead have done a lot of the same recently. What would music today sound like if they never released OK Computer? Or Kid A? It's interesting how Radiohead have followed The Beatles formula so closely. Go from writing poppy love songs, then go for something more meaningful. Just look at how much they changed from Pablo Honey (guitar rock about being lonely) to Kid A (hardly a single song with any guitars in it). And look at how every other band has spent the years trying to catch up.
But here's where I think Radiohead tops The Beatles. Songs. The Beatles have some of the greatest songs of all time, but most of the time they seemed like they were just messing around. I like Yellow Submarine as much as the next guy, but seriously? Maxwell's Silver Hammer? Is it just me or does alot of their stuff sound, well... jokey? Like a novelty band. They rarely sang about anything of great importance. John Lennon didn't become the working class hero until after the band broke up. Radiohead have always tackled hard issues with no easy answers. Sure, sometimes they fall flat on their face, but at least they try.
As far as musicianship is concerned there is no debate. Radiohead easily tops The Beatles. The Beatles were all good musicians but Radiohead are all GREAT musicians. The Beatles had some complex songs but I would attribute a lot of that to their incredible producer, George Martin. Although I guess some could say the same about Radiohead and Nigel Godrich. But come on, could John Lennon ever lay waste to a guitar the same way Johnny Greenwood can? Could either Lennon or McCartney reach the vocal heights Thom Yorke can? Can Ringo Starr beat the shit out of his drums the way Phil Selway can? The answer to all these questions is no. As far as sheer talent goes, Radiohead is above the them.
Now on to the all important topic- albums. The Beatles have what many consider the have the greatest albums of all time- Rubber Soul, Revolver, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, The White Album and Abbey Road. Radiohead are no slouches either with The Bends, OK Computer, Kid A and In Rainbows all getting great ratings as well (I'd also consider Amnesiac as one of the best albums ever, but I know I'm in the minority on that one.)
Here's the thing, when Radiohead make an album, you know it's an ALBUM. The Beatles, a lot of times, seemed to just throw songs together. The White Album is the perfect example of this. What the hell was that album supposed to be? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy that album as much as most people, but is it really one of the best of all time? How? The majority of the songs are sort of nonsense with no rhyme or reason. Just random songs randomly thrown together. You can't find a single Radiohead album that has the same problem. Nearly every song is good/great (yes, they do have some clunkers), but you can tell their place on each album is put where it is for a reason.
Sgt. Pepper's is often referred to as the best album ever made. I love the album, but I don't see what everyone is talking about. Some great songs, but a lot of them are only is the "good" category. Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite? She's Leaving Home? Within You Without You? None of them are anywhere near great. Shouldn't a great album be filled with great songs? There are a few masterpieces in the album, which is more than most albums can claim, but still. Radiohead's best album, OK Computer, is the opposite. Name a bad song from that album. Hell, I even like Fitter,Happier. Of course it's a little ironic that Paranoid Android, OK Computer's most epic song, was inspired by Happiness Is a Warm Gun, from The White Album.
But this brings us full circle, right? Just because The Beatles did it first, does that really mean someone else can't do it better? Sure, when it comes to writing great melodies, no can can touch The Beatles. But when they really set out to experiment, they failed, while Radiohead excelled. What is Revolution 9 supposed to mean? Nothing. Such is the case with many Beatles songs. Yes, they have some classic, world changing tunes, but mostly they just seem to be funny little stories. Radiohead never mess around. Every time out they try to make a song mean something. Can the best Radiohead songs match or top the best Beatles songs? I would say yes, but many would say no. Can the best Radiohead albums match or top the best Beatles albums? I'd say they have already surpassed them. Nothing The Beatles have ever done is as good as OK Computer OR The Bends OR Kid A. That's because Radiohead is an album band, whereas The Beatles seem more like they write great songs and just throw them together with little care about how it would make the album sound.
But maybe this is a fool's errand. I know nothing Radiohead will ever do will change people's opinions about The Beatles. Hell, The Beatles did everything they did in under ten years, whereas Radiohead aren't far removed from their twenty year anniversary. Radiohead have been at it longer and have had more of a chance to explore their sound. I personally think much of The Beatles best work came after they broke up. John Lennon as a solo artist is better than John Lennon as a Beatle.
It's been roughly 40 years since The Beatles broke up and they're as popular and influential as ever. Radiohead's influence is still being felt today and they're still making music as great as they were ten years ago. I think Radiohead are probably just the next obvious step. The Beatles influenced the last 30 years and it wouldn't surprise me in the least to find that Radiohead are the most influential band of the next 30 years. Most musicians today would tell you they were more closely influenced by Kid A than by Abbey Road. Only time will tell if Radiohead will enjoy the same level of reverence as The Beatles. Certainly they're the most respected band of this generation. I personally think they're a better band, with better songs and better albums, than The Beatles. I think it's just that we're too close to Radiohead now. Wait till they hang it up and call it a day. Once they're gone, that's when people will really compare these two bands.
In 50 years, who knows what people will think? Maybe I'm ahead of the curve in what will one day be common knowledge ;)
-M
There's no doubt The Beatles are the more important band. The more popular band. The more successful band. I'm not going to argue that one. I'd lose. But just because a band is more popular doesn't make them better. Britney Spears is just about the most popular musical entity this past decade, but does anyone (except teenage girls and gay guys) really think she can compete for title of "Best" this past decade? Hell no.
Before we go any further I think I need to make it clear that I love The Beatles. I simply believe Radiohead are a better band. So if I say anything bad about The Beatles you'll have to forgive me because it's not coming from a place of hatred.
Okay, first let's start with impact. I know I said I couldn't argue Radiohead is as important as The Beatles and they're not. Without The Beatles Radiohead wouldn't exist. Well, so what? Without Brando, Pacino and DeNiro and Day-Lewis wouldn't exist (as far as their acting goes, I mean. I'm not suggesting Brando fathered all of them). I think an argument could be made that those three actors have surpassed Brando, but because Brando came first, he'll always be considered the best. Same with The Beatles. They were first so they'll always be considered the best. Whether or not a band is actually better doesn't matter to most people because they'll always throw out the argument that without The Beatles, said band wouldn't even exist. I hate that argument. It's too easy. Too simple.
Yes, The Beatles are the biggest influence in rock history, but let's not downplay Radiohead's influence. They're the most important band of the last decade. You can hear them everywhere. Coldplay, TV on the Radio, Arcade Fire, Travis, Elbow, etc. Even their contemporaries like Wilco have obviously been influenced by Radiohead. But I have to give this one to The Beatles. Everyone has been influenced by them, whether they know it or not.
But speaking of contemporaries, let's talk about that some more. The Beatles hit during the 60's. Most would consider this the greatest decade in musical history. It was a time when a band could be good and still sell records. It's hard to find any great bands nowadays selling millions of records. Today's musical giants are dominated by the likes of Kid Rock and Nickleback or whatever the hell people listen to these days. I think this makes Radiohead's mega stardom all the more impressive. I'd be willing to bet that the average person on the street couldn't name one Radiohead song outside of "Creep", yet their albums almost always debut at number one. If nothing else it proves how diehard their fans are. Their newer songs are rarely ever played on mainstream radio stations yet their one of the most consistent forces in popular music.
Of course their success can't compare to The Beatles. And The Beatles had to compete against the likes of Bob Dylan, The Beach Boys, The Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, etc. Ask anyone who the most popular and important musical entity of the 60's were and you'll get The Beatles. But come on. Look at that competition!! The HAD to be great because there were so many other great bands waiting to take their place. If Radiohead released a bad album, who could take their spot? Coldplay sell more records but does anyone think they'll ever be as good as Radiohead? TV on the Radio have the potential to be as great as Radiohead, but will they ever sell as many records? Radiohead are big fish in a small pond. The have no great rivals. (If anyone says U2 I will personally stick a fork in your throat. It's been over 20 years since they were really a great band). Sure, for about 8 years they had Wilco, but Wilco dropped the ball big time with Sky Blue Sky, and their best album (Yankee Hotel Foxtrot) was clearly inspired by works like OK Computer and Kid A. Not to take anything away from Wilco of course, who are a great band, but we're not hear to talk about them today.
Let's look for a moment at what each band has actually DONE. The Beatles started out singing songs about holding hands and secretly loving some girl. That's what was cool back in the early 60's. Radiohead started out much the same way, but in a grungier way. That was cool back in the early 90's. Then The Beatles started getting better, stronger, faster. Rubber Soul and Revolver set them apart from everyone. The songs got more complex. Deep. Stranger. Suddenly everyone else was struggling to keep up. This explosion lead to some of the greatest music ever. Brian Wilson has admitted for four decades now that Pet Sounds was directly influenced by the two albums I just mentioned. So then The Beatles released Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, The White Album, Abbey Road, etc. No mater what anyone else did The Beatles were simply ahead of the curve. The Beatles did it, then everyone else followed suite.
Radiohead have done a lot of the same recently. What would music today sound like if they never released OK Computer? Or Kid A? It's interesting how Radiohead have followed The Beatles formula so closely. Go from writing poppy love songs, then go for something more meaningful. Just look at how much they changed from Pablo Honey (guitar rock about being lonely) to Kid A (hardly a single song with any guitars in it). And look at how every other band has spent the years trying to catch up.
But here's where I think Radiohead tops The Beatles. Songs. The Beatles have some of the greatest songs of all time, but most of the time they seemed like they were just messing around. I like Yellow Submarine as much as the next guy, but seriously? Maxwell's Silver Hammer? Is it just me or does alot of their stuff sound, well... jokey? Like a novelty band. They rarely sang about anything of great importance. John Lennon didn't become the working class hero until after the band broke up. Radiohead have always tackled hard issues with no easy answers. Sure, sometimes they fall flat on their face, but at least they try.
As far as musicianship is concerned there is no debate. Radiohead easily tops The Beatles. The Beatles were all good musicians but Radiohead are all GREAT musicians. The Beatles had some complex songs but I would attribute a lot of that to their incredible producer, George Martin. Although I guess some could say the same about Radiohead and Nigel Godrich. But come on, could John Lennon ever lay waste to a guitar the same way Johnny Greenwood can? Could either Lennon or McCartney reach the vocal heights Thom Yorke can? Can Ringo Starr beat the shit out of his drums the way Phil Selway can? The answer to all these questions is no. As far as sheer talent goes, Radiohead is above the them.
Now on to the all important topic- albums. The Beatles have what many consider the have the greatest albums of all time- Rubber Soul, Revolver, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, The White Album and Abbey Road. Radiohead are no slouches either with The Bends, OK Computer, Kid A and In Rainbows all getting great ratings as well (I'd also consider Amnesiac as one of the best albums ever, but I know I'm in the minority on that one.)
Here's the thing, when Radiohead make an album, you know it's an ALBUM. The Beatles, a lot of times, seemed to just throw songs together. The White Album is the perfect example of this. What the hell was that album supposed to be? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy that album as much as most people, but is it really one of the best of all time? How? The majority of the songs are sort of nonsense with no rhyme or reason. Just random songs randomly thrown together. You can't find a single Radiohead album that has the same problem. Nearly every song is good/great (yes, they do have some clunkers), but you can tell their place on each album is put where it is for a reason.
Sgt. Pepper's is often referred to as the best album ever made. I love the album, but I don't see what everyone is talking about. Some great songs, but a lot of them are only is the "good" category. Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite? She's Leaving Home? Within You Without You? None of them are anywhere near great. Shouldn't a great album be filled with great songs? There are a few masterpieces in the album, which is more than most albums can claim, but still. Radiohead's best album, OK Computer, is the opposite. Name a bad song from that album. Hell, I even like Fitter,Happier. Of course it's a little ironic that Paranoid Android, OK Computer's most epic song, was inspired by Happiness Is a Warm Gun, from The White Album.
But this brings us full circle, right? Just because The Beatles did it first, does that really mean someone else can't do it better? Sure, when it comes to writing great melodies, no can can touch The Beatles. But when they really set out to experiment, they failed, while Radiohead excelled. What is Revolution 9 supposed to mean? Nothing. Such is the case with many Beatles songs. Yes, they have some classic, world changing tunes, but mostly they just seem to be funny little stories. Radiohead never mess around. Every time out they try to make a song mean something. Can the best Radiohead songs match or top the best Beatles songs? I would say yes, but many would say no. Can the best Radiohead albums match or top the best Beatles albums? I'd say they have already surpassed them. Nothing The Beatles have ever done is as good as OK Computer OR The Bends OR Kid A. That's because Radiohead is an album band, whereas The Beatles seem more like they write great songs and just throw them together with little care about how it would make the album sound.
But maybe this is a fool's errand. I know nothing Radiohead will ever do will change people's opinions about The Beatles. Hell, The Beatles did everything they did in under ten years, whereas Radiohead aren't far removed from their twenty year anniversary. Radiohead have been at it longer and have had more of a chance to explore their sound. I personally think much of The Beatles best work came after they broke up. John Lennon as a solo artist is better than John Lennon as a Beatle.
It's been roughly 40 years since The Beatles broke up and they're as popular and influential as ever. Radiohead's influence is still being felt today and they're still making music as great as they were ten years ago. I think Radiohead are probably just the next obvious step. The Beatles influenced the last 30 years and it wouldn't surprise me in the least to find that Radiohead are the most influential band of the next 30 years. Most musicians today would tell you they were more closely influenced by Kid A than by Abbey Road. Only time will tell if Radiohead will enjoy the same level of reverence as The Beatles. Certainly they're the most respected band of this generation. I personally think they're a better band, with better songs and better albums, than The Beatles. I think it's just that we're too close to Radiohead now. Wait till they hang it up and call it a day. Once they're gone, that's when people will really compare these two bands.
In 50 years, who knows what people will think? Maybe I'm ahead of the curve in what will one day be common knowledge ;)
-M
Friday, February 13, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Yesterday
Lando and I were driving around, keeping it super fucking real as usual, when we saw this white rapper looking guy. He was strutting around like he was the shit or something. Me and Lando starting laughing our asses off at him. We were all like, "YO, BOIIII!!"
As we drove up closer, we realized he was no white rapper guy, he was just a retarded person.
:(
-M
As we drove up closer, we realized he was no white rapper guy, he was just a retarded person.
:(
-M
Monday, February 9, 2009
Random Racism
I love it when black guys are standing outside of some store and they try to sell you shit. They're always like "Excuse me, sire, can I interest you in some candy this fine evening?"
Awesome.
-M
Awesome.
-M
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Frankie Teardrop Jr.
I swear this kid has to be related to Frankie somehow. A conversation with Frankie is EXACTLY like the conversation in this video. "Is this real life?" Yes, Frankie, it's real life. Whether you want it to be or not.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Sports Related Nonsense
Sorry I haven't been keeping up on the sports front lately. I haven't been able to work up much enthusiasm. Colts lost a heart breaker to those fucking Chargers again. Tony Dungy retired. Ugh... this season was just kind of boring to me. As much as I hate Tom Brady, I think I also need him playing to make things more exciting. The beauty of the NFL this decade has been Manning vs. Brady and this season was a letdown because they didn't get to go at it. But I'm really worried for our future. I don't know shit about our new coach. Most of our best players are really getting on in years now (just retire, Marvin), etc. I think we've got another good two or three years, but after that, who knows?
On to the NBA. My favorite sport. Too bad the Pacers are as bad as ever. But we do have one huge, gigantic bright spot and that is Danny Granger. This guy is fucking amazing. He's the second best small forward in the game right now, after LeBron James. I just hope the Pacers can build a solid team to surround this guy with in the next few years. And I know this will sound nuts, but I think they need to start tanking games. Maybe they already have. But I'd like them to get in a good position for next years draft. Get a good, healthy point guard like Ricky Rubio. T.J. Ford has been excellent when healthy, but he's hardly ever healthy, so... and how about that Jarret Jack? I knew he'd be a good addition, but I'm still pissed we had to lose Jarryd Bayless. And Bayless rarely gets played on his team anyways. So I'd love to get Rubio next year. Or Blake Griffin or Greg Monroe. That guy would probably be my top choice, now that I think of it.
Ah well. Screw it. I'm still guessing a re-match between the Celtics and the Lakers for the Finals this year, LeBron will win MVP in a cake walk. I'm already done with this season. I'm looking ahead to next year and the year after. Maybe the Pacers will be a contender again.
-M
On to the NBA. My favorite sport. Too bad the Pacers are as bad as ever. But we do have one huge, gigantic bright spot and that is Danny Granger. This guy is fucking amazing. He's the second best small forward in the game right now, after LeBron James. I just hope the Pacers can build a solid team to surround this guy with in the next few years. And I know this will sound nuts, but I think they need to start tanking games. Maybe they already have. But I'd like them to get in a good position for next years draft. Get a good, healthy point guard like Ricky Rubio. T.J. Ford has been excellent when healthy, but he's hardly ever healthy, so... and how about that Jarret Jack? I knew he'd be a good addition, but I'm still pissed we had to lose Jarryd Bayless. And Bayless rarely gets played on his team anyways. So I'd love to get Rubio next year. Or Blake Griffin or Greg Monroe. That guy would probably be my top choice, now that I think of it.
Ah well. Screw it. I'm still guessing a re-match between the Celtics and the Lakers for the Finals this year, LeBron will win MVP in a cake walk. I'm already done with this season. I'm looking ahead to next year and the year after. Maybe the Pacers will be a contender again.
-M
Monday, January 19, 2009
Lost Season 5 Wish List
Lost is back, baby!! I love this show. But I think we can all agree that at times it has let us down (remember how awesome Sawyer used to be? And awesome is currently is not?) So here's my wish list for some things that I want, and want not, to happen in the upcoming season.
1. Make Locke cool again.
I love the mythology of this show. It would be the number one reason I tune in every week if not for one thing that I place above it, and that one thing is John Locke. Locke is by far the decades best character in any medium. No one character has been so compulsively watchable moreso than Locke. So you can understand why season four was sort of a drag for me. Let's do a quick re-cap.
1. Locke uses Charlie's death to gain political power over the group. He splits them in half because he feels they will be safer with him, but he did it in an underhanded fashion.
2. Locke acts like an overbearing dick.
3. Ben fucks up Lockes shit, Locke looks stupid.
4. Pretty much everyone that went with Locke died.
5. Christian tells Locke someone's got to move the island.
6. Locke dies.
Lame. So we know one thing Locke's got coming this season- his fucking death. So... things are not looking up. I just want to hold out hope though. I mean, it's not like he can be worse than he was last season. Hopefully season four was just a growing phase for Locke and whatever capacity he has this season, he'll kick ass in that capacity.
2. Enough of this love horseshit.
I don' give a fuck who Kate ends up with. No, don't let me be misunderstood now. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO SHE ENDS UP WITH. And most of the hardcore fans don't care either. Any major dude will tell you the worst part of Lost is that horrid love triangle. Or quadrangle or whatever the fuck it is. Kate could have been a cool character. But her girlish wavering has made her so tedious... just let it end. End it this season. I just can't handle it anymore.
3. It's titled "Lost", not "Ben".
Look, I love Ben as much as anyone. Last season was his season, baby. There's not a better villain on t.v. (if he IS a villain... okay, he pretty much is. But I don't think he's 100% PURE evil.)
But enough is enough. Ben should not be the centerpiece of the Lost universe. The more time they devote to Ben, the more they take away from Locke's or Jack's or Sawyer's importance. There has to be a balance. Season four was so far in the Ben zone that a similar season five would reduce someone like Jack (who USED to be the star of the show, mind you) to a secondary character. We get it, Ben's smart. Ben's always one step ahead. Ben's always got a plan... but what about everyone else? Let's get back to the old days, the way things used to be, where what everyone did effected everyone else, as opposed to whatever Ben does effects everyone, everywhere.
4. Hey, remember those freighters?
Those guys seemed cool, especially Daniel and Miles. Let's, I dunno... do something with them this season? I know they didn't get to be as fully fleshed out as they were supposed to be last season because of the writers strike, but that's the past. It's time for these characters to step up to the plate and really bring it. Besides Locke, I don't think there's a character I'm more interested in right now than Miles. So let's fucking get to it fast. I don't want to have to wait until the thirteenth episode or whatever to get to see more about him.
5. Locke.
Seriously. Don't fuck up with Locke.
-Maynard
1. Make Locke cool again.
I love the mythology of this show. It would be the number one reason I tune in every week if not for one thing that I place above it, and that one thing is John Locke. Locke is by far the decades best character in any medium. No one character has been so compulsively watchable moreso than Locke. So you can understand why season four was sort of a drag for me. Let's do a quick re-cap.
1. Locke uses Charlie's death to gain political power over the group. He splits them in half because he feels they will be safer with him, but he did it in an underhanded fashion.
2. Locke acts like an overbearing dick.
3. Ben fucks up Lockes shit, Locke looks stupid.
4. Pretty much everyone that went with Locke died.
5. Christian tells Locke someone's got to move the island.
6. Locke dies.
Lame. So we know one thing Locke's got coming this season- his fucking death. So... things are not looking up. I just want to hold out hope though. I mean, it's not like he can be worse than he was last season. Hopefully season four was just a growing phase for Locke and whatever capacity he has this season, he'll kick ass in that capacity.
2. Enough of this love horseshit.
I don' give a fuck who Kate ends up with. No, don't let me be misunderstood now. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO SHE ENDS UP WITH. And most of the hardcore fans don't care either. Any major dude will tell you the worst part of Lost is that horrid love triangle. Or quadrangle or whatever the fuck it is. Kate could have been a cool character. But her girlish wavering has made her so tedious... just let it end. End it this season. I just can't handle it anymore.
3. It's titled "Lost", not "Ben".
Look, I love Ben as much as anyone. Last season was his season, baby. There's not a better villain on t.v. (if he IS a villain... okay, he pretty much is. But I don't think he's 100% PURE evil.)
But enough is enough. Ben should not be the centerpiece of the Lost universe. The more time they devote to Ben, the more they take away from Locke's or Jack's or Sawyer's importance. There has to be a balance. Season four was so far in the Ben zone that a similar season five would reduce someone like Jack (who USED to be the star of the show, mind you) to a secondary character. We get it, Ben's smart. Ben's always one step ahead. Ben's always got a plan... but what about everyone else? Let's get back to the old days, the way things used to be, where what everyone did effected everyone else, as opposed to whatever Ben does effects everyone, everywhere.
4. Hey, remember those freighters?
Those guys seemed cool, especially Daniel and Miles. Let's, I dunno... do something with them this season? I know they didn't get to be as fully fleshed out as they were supposed to be last season because of the writers strike, but that's the past. It's time for these characters to step up to the plate and really bring it. Besides Locke, I don't think there's a character I'm more interested in right now than Miles. So let's fucking get to it fast. I don't want to have to wait until the thirteenth episode or whatever to get to see more about him.
5. Locke.
Seriously. Don't fuck up with Locke.
-Maynard
Friday, January 16, 2009
Where the Wild Things Are
Stumbled across these new pics of the Where the Wild Things Are movie. Spike Jonez is fucking awesome, right? This movie was supposed to have already come out, but it's been pushed back until October of this year. Apparently they had a screen testing sometime last year and it freaked a bunch of little kids out. Word on the street (I am very familiar with the word on the street, keep in mind) is that the monsters were just too fucking scary for little kids. I think they look pretty fucking cool. But whatever, it's like I always say- "Kids don't know shit. They don't even have jobs!!"
-M
-M
Thursday, January 15, 2009
REVIEW: Slumdog Millionaire
It's hard not to start this review off by citing the overwhelming love this movie is feeling. It's the front runner to win the Oscar for Best Picture and Director. It's on every major critics top ten list for best films of 2008 (and in many, many cases, it's actually their number one film of the year)
Frankly- I don't get it.
I won't get into the plot much, because there's really not much there to begin with. Jamal is a poor kid from the slums of Mumbai India. He's currently a national phenom because of his performance on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Jamal is one question away from winning the ultimate prize. How'd he do it? He cheated. Not really. But everyone seems to think he did, so the story is told in flashback, revealing how he came to simply know the answers.
And it's bullshit. The coincidences get bigger and more absurd as the story progresses. Jamal knows who invented the revolver because he saw some dude get shot by one? Bullshit.
I'm not a cynic. I loved Forrest Gump, and the coincidences in Gump are at least as absurd as those in Slumdog, but the difference here is the writing. Gump was funny. Gump gave us characters we cared about. When something completely unbelievable happened in Gump, at least they made it funny and charming. Slumdog has no charm. Slumdog has some of the flattest, least lively characters you'll see in a film this year. Dev Patel's portrayal of Jamal is so dull and lifeless one can't help but wonder either A) Why was this kid chosen for this movie? or B) Why was an entire movie based on this character? I don't know who's the blame- the actor or the writer? The answer is probably both.
The worst part of the movie is by far the love story. You see, the whole reason Jamal is even on the show is so the love of his life, Latika, will see him. He's trying to find her, blah blah blah. Won't get into it. But basically, these two have zero spark. They seem more like a brother and sister than two star crossed lovers. And you can't help but wonder what Jamal sees in her anyways. It's not like they know each other all that well. They knew each other when they were kids, but after that they barely ever see each other. I can understand him wanting to save her from her horrible situations, but love her? He doesn't know her anymore. And she knows even less about him.
But none of that matters, cause Love Conquers All. They love each other because they love each other. That might be good enough for some people, but after they get together at the end (and I don't think that counts as a spoiler, since everyone knows how it's going to end anyways... did I mention how utterly predictable this movie is?) I couldn't help wondering, "Now what? After a month these two people are going to be sick of each other. But Latika will stick around for the money."
So the acting and writing sucks. But there are a few good points. Nice cinematography (despite the fact that anytime it shows them in the slums they completely rip off City of God), some fancy editing (which also looks a lot like City of God's editing... this movie is City of God-lite), etc. But techs can only take a movie so far. At the end of the film you're forced to face the facts- this is just an unbelievable fairytale with boring characters and a paper thin love story.
5/10.
-M
Frankly- I don't get it.
I won't get into the plot much, because there's really not much there to begin with. Jamal is a poor kid from the slums of Mumbai India. He's currently a national phenom because of his performance on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Jamal is one question away from winning the ultimate prize. How'd he do it? He cheated. Not really. But everyone seems to think he did, so the story is told in flashback, revealing how he came to simply know the answers.
And it's bullshit. The coincidences get bigger and more absurd as the story progresses. Jamal knows who invented the revolver because he saw some dude get shot by one? Bullshit.
I'm not a cynic. I loved Forrest Gump, and the coincidences in Gump are at least as absurd as those in Slumdog, but the difference here is the writing. Gump was funny. Gump gave us characters we cared about. When something completely unbelievable happened in Gump, at least they made it funny and charming. Slumdog has no charm. Slumdog has some of the flattest, least lively characters you'll see in a film this year. Dev Patel's portrayal of Jamal is so dull and lifeless one can't help but wonder either A) Why was this kid chosen for this movie? or B) Why was an entire movie based on this character? I don't know who's the blame- the actor or the writer? The answer is probably both.
The worst part of the movie is by far the love story. You see, the whole reason Jamal is even on the show is so the love of his life, Latika, will see him. He's trying to find her, blah blah blah. Won't get into it. But basically, these two have zero spark. They seem more like a brother and sister than two star crossed lovers. And you can't help but wonder what Jamal sees in her anyways. It's not like they know each other all that well. They knew each other when they were kids, but after that they barely ever see each other. I can understand him wanting to save her from her horrible situations, but love her? He doesn't know her anymore. And she knows even less about him.
But none of that matters, cause Love Conquers All. They love each other because they love each other. That might be good enough for some people, but after they get together at the end (and I don't think that counts as a spoiler, since everyone knows how it's going to end anyways... did I mention how utterly predictable this movie is?) I couldn't help wondering, "Now what? After a month these two people are going to be sick of each other. But Latika will stick around for the money."
So the acting and writing sucks. But there are a few good points. Nice cinematography (despite the fact that anytime it shows them in the slums they completely rip off City of God), some fancy editing (which also looks a lot like City of God's editing... this movie is City of God-lite), etc. But techs can only take a movie so far. At the end of the film you're forced to face the facts- this is just an unbelievable fairytale with boring characters and a paper thin love story.
5/10.
-M
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
LOL OMG IMHO >:-D
Here's a video I found of news reporters getting "pwned", as it were.
Compilation of Reporters Getting Owned - Watch more News Videos
That old guy fighting with the dog is quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen.
-M
Compilation of Reporters Getting Owned - Watch more News Videos
That old guy fighting with the dog is quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen.
-M
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Laid Off
Laid off from work for a week. Pretty amazing. Except, with all this time on my hands, I've come to realize just how boring my life is. I've got nothing to do or look forward to anymore. I generally sleep until 6:00 p.m. and then I play Call of Duty, or watch old Simpsons DVD's.
The other day I found out that someone did a mash-up of Jay-Z and Radiohead and that was about as excited as I had been in a month or so. Then I started listening to The Smiths for the first time in my life... they're pretty good.
Then... I went to Wal Mart at 4:00 a.m. last night. Started spying on all the babes. Then I went home.
I need this lay off to be over. I've got fucking nothing going on.
-M
The other day I found out that someone did a mash-up of Jay-Z and Radiohead and that was about as excited as I had been in a month or so. Then I started listening to The Smiths for the first time in my life... they're pretty good.
Then... I went to Wal Mart at 4:00 a.m. last night. Started spying on all the babes. Then I went home.
I need this lay off to be over. I've got fucking nothing going on.
-M
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Sir Charles is Class Incarnate
What follows is a police report from Charles Barkley's arrest a few days ago.
I haven't inducted anyone into The Classy's in awhile, but damned if Barkley doesn't deserve to be in my very own Hall of Fame. This guy has class coming out the ass. I love that fat, sweaty bastard.
-M
I haven't inducted anyone into The Classy's in awhile, but damned if Barkley doesn't deserve to be in my very own Hall of Fame. This guy has class coming out the ass. I love that fat, sweaty bastard.
-M
Friday, January 2, 2009
Friday, December 26, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
So... we have a deal?
We have a deal.
Sorry.
So there's this guy at work, Tex. He's from Puerto Rico. He's about 5 feet tall. 48 years old. Total pothead. So it turns out his wife, who I understand is really religious, is also a drug dealer. Just pot. She also only has 4 regular costumers, so Tex thought I might be interested. So he set up a date for me to come buy some weed. I wasn't interested though, so... what? Okay, maybe I would like to come over, watch some football and drink some beers? Sure.
But I never went :) He has grandkids and shit and said if they were there I shouldn't come over. Because he was going to try to sell me drugs and doesn't want his grandkids to know what he's up to.
His wife sounds a little bit like a bitch too. He says he likes to smoke almost every night, but since it's his wife's stuff, he has to get it from her. And she makes him pay. "Business before family," she says.
Fuck it. I'm turning this guy in. Then maybe he'll stop asking me for money all the time. He borrowed 5 bucks from me one time and now I'm convinced he used it to buy pot from his wife.
-M
Sorry.
So there's this guy at work, Tex. He's from Puerto Rico. He's about 5 feet tall. 48 years old. Total pothead. So it turns out his wife, who I understand is really religious, is also a drug dealer. Just pot. She also only has 4 regular costumers, so Tex thought I might be interested. So he set up a date for me to come buy some weed. I wasn't interested though, so... what? Okay, maybe I would like to come over, watch some football and drink some beers? Sure.
But I never went :) He has grandkids and shit and said if they were there I shouldn't come over. Because he was going to try to sell me drugs and doesn't want his grandkids to know what he's up to.
His wife sounds a little bit like a bitch too. He says he likes to smoke almost every night, but since it's his wife's stuff, he has to get it from her. And she makes him pay. "Business before family," she says.
Fuck it. I'm turning this guy in. Then maybe he'll stop asking me for money all the time. He borrowed 5 bucks from me one time and now I'm convinced he used it to buy pot from his wife.
-M
Monday, December 8, 2008
Top Ten: Songs of 2008
Here we go-
10. "Eraser" by No Age
9. "Sec Walkin'" by My Morning Jacket
8. "Innà mér syngur vitleysingur" by Sigur Ros
7. "Frankie's Gun" by The Felice Brothers
6. "Vox Celeste" by Deerhunter
5. "Dinosuar on the Ark" by Esau Mwamwaya & Radioclit Are the Very Best
4. "Dancing Choose" by TV on the Radio
3. "Nothing Ever Happened" by Deerhunter
2. "OMG!!! FMV!!!" by Fake Male Voice
1. "Crying" by TV on the Radio
Yeah, it was TV on the Radio's year.
Now go download this shit until I feel un-lazy enough to try to post them on here myself.
Worst song of the year is either "Highly Suspicious" by My Morning Jacket (who are usually a great band, really), or "So What" by Pink. I'll let you decide that one.
-M
10. "Eraser" by No Age
9. "Sec Walkin'" by My Morning Jacket
8. "Innà mér syngur vitleysingur" by Sigur Ros
7. "Frankie's Gun" by The Felice Brothers
6. "Vox Celeste" by Deerhunter
5. "Dinosuar on the Ark" by Esau Mwamwaya & Radioclit Are the Very Best
4. "Dancing Choose" by TV on the Radio
3. "Nothing Ever Happened" by Deerhunter
2. "OMG!!! FMV!!!" by Fake Male Voice
1. "Crying" by TV on the Radio
Yeah, it was TV on the Radio's year.
Now go download this shit until I feel un-lazy enough to try to post them on here myself.
Worst song of the year is either "Highly Suspicious" by My Morning Jacket (who are usually a great band, really), or "So What" by Pink. I'll let you decide that one.
-M
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thanksgiving Madness
Wow!! What a day. Thanksgiving. White folks and Indians and all that. We don't care about that shit in my family. My family only cares about causing as much trouble as possible.
The day started... as soon as I woke up. I got on my Myspace to see a new message from my beloved sister, Saucy Sally. The title of this new message was "She's drinking".
...
But who could she be referring to? I'll be honest- the first thought that popped into my mind was that she was simply referring to herself in the third person. Nope. She was referring to our mother. Apparently, my mom woke up at 7:00 a.m. and started drinking. She said she was allowed to drink because it was also her birthday.
So she went to Saucy Sally's house and started... acting drunk? I dunno. The details were vague. All I got was that Sally had to kick mom out of her house and that mom was scaring Sally's children.
So that caused a commotion. Talk of people canceling Thanksgiving and all that. Lots of people mad at one another. Just like every other holiday. No big deal.
Then we had our dinner. No big deal here either. Sally has a 2 year old and they taught her to scream "No! Please, help me!!", which was very amusing to all of us for awhile.
Then came the nighttime antics. Me and Lando decided we wanted to go out. So we borrowed my moms car. We went to buy new socks. Need em' bad. Blah blah blah. We get back and there's fucking cops everywhere. We try heading into our place, minding our own business when my mom starts running up, screaming. Apparently, when we were backing out of our parking space, we hit another car. I don't remember hitting anyone, but they say they had witnesses and there was, in fact, a dent in our back bumper. So I was fucked, basically. But the cop was cool about it. He said I didn't seem like the type of guy to hit another car and then drive off on purpose. Apparently I got there just in time though, cause they said if I wasn't back by the time he finished writing the report, they'd have to file it as a hit and run and I'd be arrested. Which would have been cool, really. The dudes at work would have loved that one. But anywho... I went and said sorry to the lady who's car I hit. She acted like she fucking loved having her car hit. She was all laughing and smiling and shit. She said all she wanted was an apology. I checked out the damage to the car... turns out there was no damage to her car. I saw some marks on her bumper that looked more like dirt than anything else. My mom said she wiped the same mark and it was just dust. So basically, they called the cops for NOTHING. Our car had more damage than theirs.
But before I got there there had been a big fight or something. My mom and sister were arguing with the people. I guess they were blaming them for what I did. Some dude called my sister a nigger. Even though he himself was black... then some fat chick called my mother a smartass because my mom said I'm not the type of person so hit someone and drive away. That got everyone pissed and everyone called the cops I guess. Some Mexican dudes came out to tell everyone that they didn't see anything. Thanks for nothing, Mexicans. Then the black dude and Sally got into it. The cops had to tell them to go back to their houses and shit. The black guy almost got clubbed from what I hear. Anywho, they all seemed pretty cool when I went to apologize. No one seemed mad at all. Of course, there was nothing to be mad about since there was NO DAMAGE to their car.
Fuck them.
So I guess the question I must ask myself is this... were the socks worth it?
Yes.
-M
The day started... as soon as I woke up. I got on my Myspace to see a new message from my beloved sister, Saucy Sally. The title of this new message was "She's drinking".
...
But who could she be referring to? I'll be honest- the first thought that popped into my mind was that she was simply referring to herself in the third person. Nope. She was referring to our mother. Apparently, my mom woke up at 7:00 a.m. and started drinking. She said she was allowed to drink because it was also her birthday.
So she went to Saucy Sally's house and started... acting drunk? I dunno. The details were vague. All I got was that Sally had to kick mom out of her house and that mom was scaring Sally's children.
So that caused a commotion. Talk of people canceling Thanksgiving and all that. Lots of people mad at one another. Just like every other holiday. No big deal.
Then we had our dinner. No big deal here either. Sally has a 2 year old and they taught her to scream "No! Please, help me!!", which was very amusing to all of us for awhile.
Then came the nighttime antics. Me and Lando decided we wanted to go out. So we borrowed my moms car. We went to buy new socks. Need em' bad. Blah blah blah. We get back and there's fucking cops everywhere. We try heading into our place, minding our own business when my mom starts running up, screaming. Apparently, when we were backing out of our parking space, we hit another car. I don't remember hitting anyone, but they say they had witnesses and there was, in fact, a dent in our back bumper. So I was fucked, basically. But the cop was cool about it. He said I didn't seem like the type of guy to hit another car and then drive off on purpose. Apparently I got there just in time though, cause they said if I wasn't back by the time he finished writing the report, they'd have to file it as a hit and run and I'd be arrested. Which would have been cool, really. The dudes at work would have loved that one. But anywho... I went and said sorry to the lady who's car I hit. She acted like she fucking loved having her car hit. She was all laughing and smiling and shit. She said all she wanted was an apology. I checked out the damage to the car... turns out there was no damage to her car. I saw some marks on her bumper that looked more like dirt than anything else. My mom said she wiped the same mark and it was just dust. So basically, they called the cops for NOTHING. Our car had more damage than theirs.
But before I got there there had been a big fight or something. My mom and sister were arguing with the people. I guess they were blaming them for what I did. Some dude called my sister a nigger. Even though he himself was black... then some fat chick called my mother a smartass because my mom said I'm not the type of person so hit someone and drive away. That got everyone pissed and everyone called the cops I guess. Some Mexican dudes came out to tell everyone that they didn't see anything. Thanks for nothing, Mexicans. Then the black dude and Sally got into it. The cops had to tell them to go back to their houses and shit. The black guy almost got clubbed from what I hear. Anywho, they all seemed pretty cool when I went to apologize. No one seemed mad at all. Of course, there was nothing to be mad about since there was NO DAMAGE to their car.
Fuck them.
So I guess the question I must ask myself is this... were the socks worth it?
Yes.
-M
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Hell Yeah!!!
HELL YEAH!!!!
my life sucks so bad lately. i mean its almost Christmas and i cant get any work. i mean i go in everyday and they send me home or give me some shit job that does not even need to be done. i mean i was watching a machine to make sure it does not clog and it never did. 12 HOURS OF MY LIFE GONE!
then my glasses broke. it will cost 60$ for a new frame but i have no money because i can not get any work.
then i get up this morning and Maynard hit me in the fucking face. i mean he was playing around (or so he says) and he really fucking hit me.
but dont worry.....dont worry people im going to get maynard back very soon.
HELL YEAHHH!!!
-L
His Legend Begins...
So... Joaquin Phoenix is a rapper now. Or so I hear. He quit acting to be a singer. But I thought he meant like... a country singer or something. According to these pictures, he's a rapper now. You can tell how hardcore he is because Casey Affleck is there and he also brought some black guy to DJ for him.
Bring da mutha fuckin' ruckus, Joaquin.
Apparently they're making a documentary about his transition from actor to hardcore rapper.
Seriously, this guy is doing more crack than is humanly possible.
-M
Bring da mutha fuckin' ruckus, Joaquin.
Apparently they're making a documentary about his transition from actor to hardcore rapper.
Seriously, this guy is doing more crack than is humanly possible.
-M
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Call Of Duty World At War.
So there is this Zombie mode in the game which is pretty awesome. I plan on becoming the best. Here are some tips and stuff i have noticed to try and become the best.
Often when i play with other people in Zombie mode, they say not to open the door to hell or go up the stairs. They are wrong, the further rounds you get on, it is virtually impossible to just kill all the Zombies by just staying in the one room. I've also noticed that if your 3 members are down but you're still alive. You don't actually have to revive them. As long as you get past the Round they come back to life in the next Round.
Round 1
There are 4 Zombies to kill before you go on to Round 2. I use the Colt M1911 to kill those 4 Zombies. This way, your points go up more/so you can buy a better gun or even go through the hell door/up the stairs.
Round 2
9 Zombies to kill, you'll survive by just using the M1 Carbine or Kar 98 k gun. It's all about anticipating the Zombies moves. Move around a lot. Try to stick to the walls.
Round 3
There are roughly 13 or 14 Zombies to kill in this Round. It's your choice whether you go through the door hell or up the stairs. I stuck it out in the same room and survived. Try to get all the Zombies to one side of the room and throw grenades and basically shoot, run and dodge.
Round 4
This is the perfect time to open the door to hell or go up the stairs. There is 18 or 19 Zombies to kill. Basically you'll need a better gun for this. If you go through the door hell, you don't have to worry about the Zombies breaking the hole in the wall, plus you can get the Thompson gun which is pretty good to shoot Zombies from afar. If you decide to go up the stairs, then the M1897 Trench Gun is the perfect gun to kill the Zombies close up with 1 shot.
Round 5
Things start to get tricky now. 22 - 24 Zombies you have to kill in this Round. You also have to worry about the Zombies breaking the whole in the wall, if you chose to open the door to hell earlier on.
Round 6
23 or 24 Zombies to kill, they get faster as well, the further you get on. As i opened the hell door, i stick to the far wall where the Thompson gun is, so i can get ammo for it easier when i run out. I run side to side, again, it's all about anticipating the Zombies moves, checking out of all the Windows from time to time as well.
Round 7
The further the Rounds, the more Zombies there are. 24 or 25 Zombies to kill i think. I was too busy trying to kill them all without counting. This is as far as i got on my own, (i can possibly get further though) but with 4 other members with good guns, and you have a chance to go really far.
Round 8
I'm going to go out on a lim here and say that there is going to be more Zombies at a faster pace, but i don't know for certain for now.
Now this is probably the most important bit of the story.
Every Round, what you do is leave 1 Zombie left. You'll know when there is just 1 Zombie left, by the numbers in each round above. When there is 1 Zombie left, this is the perfect time for you to barricade all the windows/hole in the wall up, dodging past the Zombie. No other Zombies come as long as you leave 1 Zombie left. Then when all the windows/hole are barricaded up, then you kill the Zombie. It will give you a perfect opportunity for the next round to gear up on ammo and get in position!
That's my tips, i hope it's some help.
Ps i call the door hell because it's my story! (i think it secretly says help though).
-Bada
Often when i play with other people in Zombie mode, they say not to open the door to hell or go up the stairs. They are wrong, the further rounds you get on, it is virtually impossible to just kill all the Zombies by just staying in the one room. I've also noticed that if your 3 members are down but you're still alive. You don't actually have to revive them. As long as you get past the Round they come back to life in the next Round.
Round 1
There are 4 Zombies to kill before you go on to Round 2. I use the Colt M1911 to kill those 4 Zombies. This way, your points go up more/so you can buy a better gun or even go through the hell door/up the stairs.
Round 2
9 Zombies to kill, you'll survive by just using the M1 Carbine or Kar 98 k gun. It's all about anticipating the Zombies moves. Move around a lot. Try to stick to the walls.
Round 3
There are roughly 13 or 14 Zombies to kill in this Round. It's your choice whether you go through the door hell or up the stairs. I stuck it out in the same room and survived. Try to get all the Zombies to one side of the room and throw grenades and basically shoot, run and dodge.
Round 4
This is the perfect time to open the door to hell or go up the stairs. There is 18 or 19 Zombies to kill. Basically you'll need a better gun for this. If you go through the door hell, you don't have to worry about the Zombies breaking the hole in the wall, plus you can get the Thompson gun which is pretty good to shoot Zombies from afar. If you decide to go up the stairs, then the M1897 Trench Gun is the perfect gun to kill the Zombies close up with 1 shot.
Round 5
Things start to get tricky now. 22 - 24 Zombies you have to kill in this Round. You also have to worry about the Zombies breaking the whole in the wall, if you chose to open the door to hell earlier on.
Round 6
23 or 24 Zombies to kill, they get faster as well, the further you get on. As i opened the hell door, i stick to the far wall where the Thompson gun is, so i can get ammo for it easier when i run out. I run side to side, again, it's all about anticipating the Zombies moves, checking out of all the Windows from time to time as well.
Round 7
The further the Rounds, the more Zombies there are. 24 or 25 Zombies to kill i think. I was too busy trying to kill them all without counting. This is as far as i got on my own, (i can possibly get further though) but with 4 other members with good guns, and you have a chance to go really far.
Round 8
I'm going to go out on a lim here and say that there is going to be more Zombies at a faster pace, but i don't know for certain for now.
Now this is probably the most important bit of the story.
Every Round, what you do is leave 1 Zombie left. You'll know when there is just 1 Zombie left, by the numbers in each round above. When there is 1 Zombie left, this is the perfect time for you to barricade all the windows/hole in the wall up, dodging past the Zombie. No other Zombies come as long as you leave 1 Zombie left. Then when all the windows/hole are barricaded up, then you kill the Zombie. It will give you a perfect opportunity for the next round to gear up on ammo and get in position!
That's my tips, i hope it's some help.
Ps i call the door hell because it's my story! (i think it secretly says help though).
-Bada
Friday, November 21, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
When Will It Stop?
Okay, I'm still holding out hope that this is not true, but it's looking more and more likely that Will Smith and Steven Spielberg are teaming up with the dude who wrote I Am Legend (the 2007 film starring Smith) to re-create one of this decades best and most interesting films- Oldboy.
Now, I know Frankie Teardrop wasn't a fan, but screw him. He listens to Alan Jackson all day long, I assume. Oldboy was so fucking awesome I couldn't even believe what I was seeing.
It's become less and less often that Americans make a film quite as awesome as Oldboy. Every now and then we'll get something, but the coolest films are being made in Asia. The Departed is one of the coolest movies from the last five years and it was a remake of Infernal Affairs. Lost in Translation is my favorite movie of this decade so far, but the influence In the Mood for Love had on it is undeniable.
Okay, back to Oldboy. I like Smith. I like him more than most film fans (film fans are not the same as movie fans, as I'm sure you know). The dude is talented. Moreso than most people like to admit. But frankly, it'll be a stretch to see him in this role. The main character of Oldboy is pretty unlikeable. Smith loves playing the hero. The guy everyone loves. This will be a much different role. Unless they just change the entire movie, which is pretty impossible. The whole reason the dude was kidnapped was because he was a dick (I'm trying not to really get too into the plot, lest it be ruined for those of you who've never seen it)
Then there's Spielberg. Why not just get Ron Howard to direct it? Spielberg is another talented guy, but come on. He's not dark or tough enough to make this right. Munich was his hardest film, but I think it may have been a fluke. Yes, Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan were hard to sit through during some moments, but Spielberg has a way of fucking up his endings. Case in point- Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan. Just go back and watch those two endings and try not to gag a little. If there's one ending that CANNOT be fucked with, it's the ending to Oldboy. You have to have it or else everything that came before was all for nothing. With Smith and Spielberg... can they do that to their fans? Imagine some mother somewhere taking her kids to see this. She'd have a fucking stroke. Unless they change the ending, which is what I really fear might happen. Smith and Spielberg are just too... nice. They're too nice for this movie. It'll be made by Americans no matter what. But at least get some people who can do it justice. David Fincher and Micky Rourke. Those guys I could see handling this motherfucker.
Here's to hoping that Asian version of Sideways turns out alright.
-Maynard
Now, I know Frankie Teardrop wasn't a fan, but screw him. He listens to Alan Jackson all day long, I assume. Oldboy was so fucking awesome I couldn't even believe what I was seeing.
It's become less and less often that Americans make a film quite as awesome as Oldboy. Every now and then we'll get something, but the coolest films are being made in Asia. The Departed is one of the coolest movies from the last five years and it was a remake of Infernal Affairs. Lost in Translation is my favorite movie of this decade so far, but the influence In the Mood for Love had on it is undeniable.
Okay, back to Oldboy. I like Smith. I like him more than most film fans (film fans are not the same as movie fans, as I'm sure you know). The dude is talented. Moreso than most people like to admit. But frankly, it'll be a stretch to see him in this role. The main character of Oldboy is pretty unlikeable. Smith loves playing the hero. The guy everyone loves. This will be a much different role. Unless they just change the entire movie, which is pretty impossible. The whole reason the dude was kidnapped was because he was a dick (I'm trying not to really get too into the plot, lest it be ruined for those of you who've never seen it)
Then there's Spielberg. Why not just get Ron Howard to direct it? Spielberg is another talented guy, but come on. He's not dark or tough enough to make this right. Munich was his hardest film, but I think it may have been a fluke. Yes, Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan were hard to sit through during some moments, but Spielberg has a way of fucking up his endings. Case in point- Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan. Just go back and watch those two endings and try not to gag a little. If there's one ending that CANNOT be fucked with, it's the ending to Oldboy. You have to have it or else everything that came before was all for nothing. With Smith and Spielberg... can they do that to their fans? Imagine some mother somewhere taking her kids to see this. She'd have a fucking stroke. Unless they change the ending, which is what I really fear might happen. Smith and Spielberg are just too... nice. They're too nice for this movie. It'll be made by Americans no matter what. But at least get some people who can do it justice. David Fincher and Micky Rourke. Those guys I could see handling this motherfucker.
Here's to hoping that Asian version of Sideways turns out alright.
-Maynard
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Thank Goodness
Obama wins. The Republicans rule is almost over. Americans can finally walk with their heads held high.
Well, everywhere except here. Last night at work people were pissed. People in the break room where complaining, saying because of Obama they won't be able to hunt anymore. Then someone said they hope someone kills him soon.
Redneck central, folks. The rest of the entire world in celebrating and I'm stuck with a bunch of hillbillies hoping he dies.
Let's not shit ourselves here folks. Obama isn't entirely going to be able to save us. The Republicans have fucked this country up so badly it's going to take more than four years to fix it. And the Right is going to be all over him. Just like the last eight years have been Clinton's fault (only an idiot would believe that, for the record), the next four years will be Obama's mess. The Right will convince all the rednecks out there that these two moronic wars we're fighting are somehow Obama's fault. The economic crisis is the Democrats fault, etc. etc. Please, for the love of God, don't listen to them when they pull this stuff. Americans should be proud of the decision they've made and our new leader. Just don't forget- we've got a huge hole to crawl out of, Obama didn't cause this mess and it will take a long time to fix all that's wrong.
-M
Well, everywhere except here. Last night at work people were pissed. People in the break room where complaining, saying because of Obama they won't be able to hunt anymore. Then someone said they hope someone kills him soon.
Redneck central, folks. The rest of the entire world in celebrating and I'm stuck with a bunch of hillbillies hoping he dies.
Let's not shit ourselves here folks. Obama isn't entirely going to be able to save us. The Republicans have fucked this country up so badly it's going to take more than four years to fix it. And the Right is going to be all over him. Just like the last eight years have been Clinton's fault (only an idiot would believe that, for the record), the next four years will be Obama's mess. The Right will convince all the rednecks out there that these two moronic wars we're fighting are somehow Obama's fault. The economic crisis is the Democrats fault, etc. etc. Please, for the love of God, don't listen to them when they pull this stuff. Americans should be proud of the decision they've made and our new leader. Just don't forget- we've got a huge hole to crawl out of, Obama didn't cause this mess and it will take a long time to fix all that's wrong.
-M
Friday, October 31, 2008
Halloween Madness
Howdy kittens. Maynard here again to share with you the love.
Halloween. All those ghosts and evil spirits and shit running amok. Who needs it? I didn't even buy candy this year. When you're a kid you think Halloween is great, but once you grow up you realize what a load of shit it is. Why should I buy candy for a bunch of little fucks I don't know? Why should I throw away my hard earned money like that? I didn't. Instead me, Lando, Frankie Teardrop and Saucy Sally went to F.Y.E. They have a little girl that was running around like a maniac so they ended up leaving. They should do a better job of teaching that little girl a lesson. And by "lesson", I mean the kind with violence.
There was this fat chick there that both Lando and I had our eyes on. The chess match for that booty had begun...
See, they have this deal where if you buy two used movies you get a third for free. So that fat chick (who was still do-able) told us about the deal. Me and Lando looked at each other and started looking for some shit worth buying. We found The Lion in Winter, Audition and Memento. So it turns out I didn't have any money. Lando had to pay for it and was macking on that chick, old school. Then she slipped him a free DVD... Howling 3. So when he saw what she gave him he got all pissed. I don't blame him. Who wants that shit? We considered throwing it at some trick or treaters, but chickened out because there was more of them than there was of us.
Later, we went back to Frankie and Sally's. We were going to order some pizza's, but Frankie was too intoxicated to figure it out, so Sally and I went to Burger King, where we ordered like, 9 Whopper Jr.'s (because they're cheaper.... and we're poor) and a Whooper meal. As we were driving away the woman at the drive thru said "Enjoy your meal", to which I replied "I don't get any of these, they're all for her." Sally enjoyed that, but swore revenge.
Fuck it. Halloween is for losers.
Halloween. All those ghosts and evil spirits and shit running amok. Who needs it? I didn't even buy candy this year. When you're a kid you think Halloween is great, but once you grow up you realize what a load of shit it is. Why should I buy candy for a bunch of little fucks I don't know? Why should I throw away my hard earned money like that? I didn't. Instead me, Lando, Frankie Teardrop and Saucy Sally went to F.Y.E. They have a little girl that was running around like a maniac so they ended up leaving. They should do a better job of teaching that little girl a lesson. And by "lesson", I mean the kind with violence.
There was this fat chick there that both Lando and I had our eyes on. The chess match for that booty had begun...
See, they have this deal where if you buy two used movies you get a third for free. So that fat chick (who was still do-able) told us about the deal. Me and Lando looked at each other and started looking for some shit worth buying. We found The Lion in Winter, Audition and Memento. So it turns out I didn't have any money. Lando had to pay for it and was macking on that chick, old school. Then she slipped him a free DVD... Howling 3. So when he saw what she gave him he got all pissed. I don't blame him. Who wants that shit? We considered throwing it at some trick or treaters, but chickened out because there was more of them than there was of us.
Later, we went back to Frankie and Sally's. We were going to order some pizza's, but Frankie was too intoxicated to figure it out, so Sally and I went to Burger King, where we ordered like, 9 Whopper Jr.'s (because they're cheaper.... and we're poor) and a Whooper meal. As we were driving away the woman at the drive thru said "Enjoy your meal", to which I replied "I don't get any of these, they're all for her." Sally enjoyed that, but swore revenge.
Fuck it. Halloween is for losers.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Lost! Again!
Man, I loves me some Lost. Here's the titles of the first six episodes of season five.
Episode 5.01 - Because You Left
Episode 5.02 - The Lie
Episode 5.03 - Jughead
Episode 5.04 - The Little Prince
Episode 5.05 - This Place is Death
Episode 5.06 - The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham
Okay, so it's safe to assume episode six will be about Locke and how he ended up in the casket. Episode three... I dunno. Who has been known as Jughead? Hurley? Fuck it. I can't wait for this shit to come back.
Episode 5.01 - Because You Left
Episode 5.02 - The Lie
Episode 5.03 - Jughead
Episode 5.04 - The Little Prince
Episode 5.05 - This Place is Death
Episode 5.06 - The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham
Okay, so it's safe to assume episode six will be about Locke and how he ended up in the casket. Episode three... I dunno. Who has been known as Jughead? Hurley? Fuck it. I can't wait for this shit to come back.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Stalker Madness
Hello folks. Maynard here with a few updates. Mostly of the stalker variety.
So a few nights ago I was up at about 5:00 a.m. My job requires me to work 7:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m., so on my days off I'm up all night. Well, I was playing video games and someone knocked on my door. I figure it will be Saucy Sally wanting to go on a walk. So I answer the door and there's this short, fat blond woman crying. I figure, oh shit, she must be hurt or in trouble.
She says, "Uh.., are you alone?" "No", I replied. "Can I come in for a second?", she asked. I tell her to come on in. I go to get my phone because I figure she must have been in a car accident or something. I turn around and she's sitting in my chair, drinking a beer. "Uh...", I say. She asks if she can smoke. I say, "I guess..."
I ask if she needs a phone. She already has one. I ask what's going on. She tells me she lives two towns over and she has no idea how she got here. She said she was drinking and doing drugs all night and when she came too she was wandering the town. She also told me she spent 14 months in a woman's prison.
"Great", I think to myself, "she's going to stab me and rob me." She sits there crying and shit. She asks if I can drive. "Yeah, but I don't have a car with me". This makes her cry even more. She calls some bimbo and asks if she can pick her up. Her bimbo friend tells her she has to go to work and she can't do it.
So this woman (who I really think is The Drunken Whore that was fucking with Frankie Teardrop) asks if I have any brothers or sisters. "Yeah, I have a sister who lives close by", I say. "She got beer?", asks the whore. "No, she doesn't really drink all that much" I lied.
Then she asked if she could borrow some money and I said no. Then I told her Lando would be waking up soon and she had to go. She drank her beer and wandered out the door.
Good story. But it's not over. I'm at work later that night and the next morning when I see Lando he tells me this bitch showed up again. She knocked on the door and when my brother opened it she just walked right in. Lando jumped up and I guess started yelling at her to get out. She said, "Well, can you come out here and keep me company then?" Lando told her he doesn't even know her. So she got mad and said "FINE", and left. Later they saw her banging on someones door and then trying to break in.
Sigh. Oh well, maybe she died.
Our second story begins at work. There's this relatively hot chick at work. There's this weird fucking Jeffery Dahmer looking motherfucker who is obsessed with her at work. She's telling me and my sister that he's been writing her on myspace (she never gave him her myspace) and he's leaving her messages that says "if we're going to go out we better do it soon cause I'm not waiting..."
This dude gives me the fucking creeps. I've seen them in the break room together. He sits down next to her and stares at the wall, never saying a word.
Anywho, so this chick has an idea to make up a new myspace account and pretend she already has a boyfriend. Which was her way of saying, "Maynard, please be my boyfriend and please protect my from this psycho."
To which I replied, "Look, I think you're nice, but you're not my type. You're way too uptight and, frankly, something of a halfwit. But I'm flattered, really."
Then everyone stared at me :(
-M
So a few nights ago I was up at about 5:00 a.m. My job requires me to work 7:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m., so on my days off I'm up all night. Well, I was playing video games and someone knocked on my door. I figure it will be Saucy Sally wanting to go on a walk. So I answer the door and there's this short, fat blond woman crying. I figure, oh shit, she must be hurt or in trouble.
She says, "Uh.., are you alone?" "No", I replied. "Can I come in for a second?", she asked. I tell her to come on in. I go to get my phone because I figure she must have been in a car accident or something. I turn around and she's sitting in my chair, drinking a beer. "Uh...", I say. She asks if she can smoke. I say, "I guess..."
I ask if she needs a phone. She already has one. I ask what's going on. She tells me she lives two towns over and she has no idea how she got here. She said she was drinking and doing drugs all night and when she came too she was wandering the town. She also told me she spent 14 months in a woman's prison.
"Great", I think to myself, "she's going to stab me and rob me." She sits there crying and shit. She asks if I can drive. "Yeah, but I don't have a car with me". This makes her cry even more. She calls some bimbo and asks if she can pick her up. Her bimbo friend tells her she has to go to work and she can't do it.
So this woman (who I really think is The Drunken Whore that was fucking with Frankie Teardrop) asks if I have any brothers or sisters. "Yeah, I have a sister who lives close by", I say. "She got beer?", asks the whore. "No, she doesn't really drink all that much" I lied.
Then she asked if she could borrow some money and I said no. Then I told her Lando would be waking up soon and she had to go. She drank her beer and wandered out the door.
Good story. But it's not over. I'm at work later that night and the next morning when I see Lando he tells me this bitch showed up again. She knocked on the door and when my brother opened it she just walked right in. Lando jumped up and I guess started yelling at her to get out. She said, "Well, can you come out here and keep me company then?" Lando told her he doesn't even know her. So she got mad and said "FINE", and left. Later they saw her banging on someones door and then trying to break in.
Sigh. Oh well, maybe she died.
Our second story begins at work. There's this relatively hot chick at work. There's this weird fucking Jeffery Dahmer looking motherfucker who is obsessed with her at work. She's telling me and my sister that he's been writing her on myspace (she never gave him her myspace) and he's leaving her messages that says "if we're going to go out we better do it soon cause I'm not waiting..."
This dude gives me the fucking creeps. I've seen them in the break room together. He sits down next to her and stares at the wall, never saying a word.
Anywho, so this chick has an idea to make up a new myspace account and pretend she already has a boyfriend. Which was her way of saying, "Maynard, please be my boyfriend and please protect my from this psycho."
To which I replied, "Look, I think you're nice, but you're not my type. You're way too uptight and, frankly, something of a halfwit. But I'm flattered, really."
Then everyone stared at me :(
-M
Thursday, October 2, 2008
The Fantastic Four 3 Summer 2009
i cant wait to see this one
this movie will kick ass all over town
it looks even better then the 2nd!
this movie will kick ass all over town
it looks even better then the 2nd!
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