REVIEW: Juno by Maynard

Ok, first thing's first: I know I'm way late with this. It feels like the movie has been out for a year now already. But I didn't see it until recently and then I had to work out exactly what it was that I thought about this film and I think I've got it, although I probably won't be able to explain it how I want to.

Juno was nominated for 4 Academy Awards recently and that's probably what makes me feel the way I do about it. I'll just get it out of the way and say that it is very overrated. This is not one of the 5 best movies of the year, or even of the season. Now, if Juno had grossed 10 million dollars and got snubbed by the Oscars I really think I'd feel differently. But when it grosses 100 million (so far) and starts winning awards and getting all sorts of nominations and things, it starts getting certain expectations attatchd to it. And this movie just doesn't live up to them.

My main complaints with this movie are the same ones you've all heard already. The characters are fake and unrealistic. The dialouge is fake and unrealistic. None of the actors give anything above a good performance. Juno is supposed to be quirky and a rebel but listening to punk rock from 1977 doesn't make you quirky and what exactly is she supposed to be a rebel against? She seems exactly like every single girl with a myspace page, ever. Of course the girls aren't like that in real life, just on myspace. Again, this movie just isn't true to life.

I guess the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that it got so big. I can admit that. But what makes this film such a huge hit when better, funnier, more original comedies like Rushmore or The Royal Tenenbaums or Punch-Drunk Love or The Squid and the Whale get left behind? I asked myself the same question last year when Little Miss Sunshine started cleaning up. It's like people are finally starting to love the quirky comedies, but they're loving the wrong ones. Juno won't be nearly as remembered as those films have become in 5 years.

I gotta give this a 6/10. But like I said, if no one had ever really heard of this movie, it probably would be a 7/10. Over hyped.

Anna Paquin is a hot piece of ACE

Mmmm, delicious.

Their sadness empowers me

Here's a bunch of lonely women wearing their bridesmaid dresses to the fantastic* new movie, 27 Dresses. Goodness, this is funny. Look at them. No man wants them so they go to the movies together. Because they have no one to love. Here's a hint, ladies: Stop being the type of woman who wants to see 27 Dresses and maybe things will pick up. Or you can fuck off, I don't care.

^_____________________________^

* And by "fantastic", I mean "not fantastic."

-M

You stay classy, Best Buy

It always warms my heart to see something as tacky as this. Nothing makes a better profit than death, right? I mean, am I right or what? (High fives all around)

- The ALWAYS Classy Maynard

R.I.P. Heath Ledger.

This generations best actor died today :( That sucks, man. This guy was on his way to becoming the next Marlon Brando at best, Johnny Depp at worst. Now he's the new James Dean (or at least River Phoenix)

It just sucks so bad. He really had what it took to become an acting legend like DeNiro or Pacino or Day-Lewis. I know a lot of people like to make fun of Brokeback Mountain, but that will always be one of my favorite movies, if for no other reason than his performance, which was amazing. And I'm not saying this cause he died, he really gave probably the best male performance of this decade (so far)

This is gonna be awkward when The Dark Knight comes out. "That which doesn't kill us makes us stranger..." ...hmmmm, can't wait to hear all the lame, tactless jokes when that one comes out.

Such a waste of talent :(

Thoughts and prayers to his family.

R.I.P

-M

The Oscars suck (predicted winners)

Atonement? Michael Clayton? Juno? Ok, I actually don't have a whole lot against those films, but come on. No Into the Wild? I was predicting that would be one of the biggest nominations winners.

Ah well, todays nominations prove something I've been saying for a few months now- it's all between No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood. I'm guessing-

Picture- No Country for Old Men
Director- The Coens for No Country for Old Men
Actor- Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Actress- Julie Christie, Away from Her
Supporting Actor- Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men
Supporting Actress- Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone
Original Screenplay- Juno
Adadpted Screenplay- No Country for Old Men
Editing- No Country for Old Men
Cinematography- There Will Be Blood
Art Direction- There Will Be Blood
Costume- Atonement
Make-Up- La Vie en Rose
Score- Atonement
Song- "Falling Slowly" from Once
Sound- Transformers
Sound Editing- Transformers
Visual Effects- Transformers
Animated Movie- Ratatouille
Foreign Film- Beaufort
Documentary- No End in Sight

Yeah... so this year they really screwed us. There Will Be Blood's score totally deserved it, but they wouldn't let it in. Probably because they don't like rock stars (Jonny Greenwood from Radiohead did the score).

Atonement got in. Am I the only one who's sick of this whole "British thing"? As in... you know, British people?

Michael Clayton? Come on now. Come on.

AH well, like I said, at least I can take solice in the fact that the only two movies that stand a chance are No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood.

-M

Bada Could Die

hello people lando here with some great news


first off we all should know by now that maynard and I hate the New England Patriots and so i am now backing the NY Giants in the Superbowl


and i made a small bet with our Patriots loving friend Bada


if the Giants win the Superbowl this year then Bada must kill himself on web cam for all to see and if the Pats win then i dont have to do anything

Badas life is in the hands of Tom Brady now and im hoping like hell Brady cant pull it off

i dont want Bada to die but i dont want the Pats to win either

oh yeah and Dungy will be coming back to coach the Colts in the 2008 season

so get ready for NEXT YEAR!!

-L

And Pats fans wonder why everyone hates them

Ok, so Indianapolis gets knocked around for booing a 14 year old girl wearing a Patriots jersey. Well, wait till you get a load of this from a witness of the Pats vs. Jags game.

“I was wearing my Teddy Bruschi jersey and my friend Jeff had a Tom Brady shirt on,” Brian Wormstead said. “But my cousins, who flew up for the game from Jacksonville, were wearing Jaguars gear. Suddenly, two guys behind us start mouthing off, just being obnoxious. So I turned around and said, ‘C’mon, we just won the game. These are my cousins from Florida. Let’s just have a nice night, OK?’ ” Then he turned back.

Tanya Watson, 35, Brian’s cousin, describes what happened next. “They hit him from behind,” she said. “And when Jeff stepped in, they knocked him to the ground. My husband Chris was walking ahead of us; when he saw what was happening he came running. So Chris gets one of these guys in a headlock, trying to pull him away, and while they’re on the ground, someone else kicks him in the head. That’s how he got the black eye and swollen cheek. My husband never got hit by the ones who started it; he got hit by the ones passing by.”

What's worse, America? Booing a girl who had it coming, or beating the shit out of some guys for wearing a Jags jersey? You decide.

-Maynard

Still Here

Hey people remember me? i am Lando i have been taking some time off from this bitch because i had nothing to talk about at all

But now i will try to find some things and make a post 2 or 3 times a week because i know you all need it and want it but remember that i do not need you the truth is i always have something better to do then post a blog for my fans

but like i said i will try to make with the funny a few times a stupid week





enjoy me

-L

I'm a sick liar (plus updates)

I am a sick, sick man. For today, anyways. I don't know what happened, but I woke up feeling like 10 lbs of shit stuffed in a 5 lbs bag. :) My head hurts, my stomach is queasy, I have cotton mouth and the inside of my mouth taste metallic. Probably not a good sign right there. Ah well, at least it's not blood.

The thing is though, I actually had some important stuff I had to take care of this morning. I had a super secret meeting with some people at 8:30 that I totally missed because of my illness. So when I finally woke up, I ambled on down stairs and give those suckas a call. Only thing is, I didn't feel like telling them the reason I didn't come in was because I was sick, if you want to know the truth, so I came up with a half true story to lay on them. I told them I was on my way to the meeting, but I hit a deer and had to turn around.

Like I said, this is only half true. The other day my mother was driving the car when she smashed into a deer, killing it instantly. Then she let a couple of hillbillies take it home with them because they said it still had a lot of good meat. Then some other hillbillies tried to take the deer, all sneaky like... I don't want to get into a whole thing here. Point is I lied for no reason at all, and that's awesome.

Now for some updates. I know none of us (especially Lando or Bada or our supposed new member, Patrick), have really been keeping up with anything lately. Fact of the matter is, there's nothing to talk about. Ummm, lemme see, lemme see. I might be getting my own place soon, I might not. I was gonna rent this place with Lando, but we don't trust the guy renting it out. Then when we started looking for a new place, I found out about this place that pays you to drive their vans and deliver stuff all around American and Canada. So now I want to do that. Cause it's like they're paying you to go on road trips. And that's awesome as well.

So there you have it. I'm gonna get something to eat now and then go to bed. Or not. I don't like to plan that far ahead, most of the time.

-M

Best scene in Extras history

The complete series of Extras is coming out on DVD soon. It was a pretty good show, I guess. I guess I found it a little disappointing because it came after The Office, which is one of the best shows ever. Andy Milman was nowhere near as complete a character as David Brent. It seems like they saved all the really hilarious stuff for the special guest stars, and no moment in the shows entire run was funnier than this scene here, from the Extras Special. I didn't really like the special all that much- what was with all the dramatic music and life lessons? Fuck off, man. But anyways, this scene is great. Enjoy.



Love,
M

Fucking Colts.

That was the biggest bullshit I ever saw in my fucking life. Those fuckers. The Chargers didn't beat us, the Colts beat themselves.

The defense played like they played last season. How the fuck could that even happen? The Chargers two best players were out pretty much the entire second half, and the Colts just let their replacements run all over them. Bob fucking Sanders. You're supposed to be the best defensive player in the league. What was that shit? Marvin Harrison, you're a son of a bitch. You don't play for fucking months, then the first time you get your hands on the ball your fumble? And that fumble lead to a score. I'm pissed at all the Colts, but none moreso than you. You fucked us. The defense fucked up as a whole, but the offense didn't do so bad. But if you wouldn't have tried to do the fucking little spin move and just dropped down, they never would have gotten that score.

Bada will be happy cause now his team gets a clear path into the Superbowl. The Chargers aren't going to be shit to the Pats. Thanks a lot Colts. You let all your fans down.

... Ah well. Next year. And as long as an NCF team wins I'll be alright.... Fucking Colts. Drop dead.

-M

P.S. Oh yeah, I forgot. Even though it was painful to see my hometown team lose, it was funny as fuck to hear the fans boo that little girl. Hilarious, you might say. I'd like to take this chance to induct my home city of Indianapolis into The Classy's. It took a lot of the good stuff to do that.

Golden Globes predictions

I know. Whatever. I'm gonna make some predictions on the winners anyways. It doesn't make me any less of a man.

UPDATES!! 8 right, 6 wrong. My worst outing ever. Not... in a gay way. I'm not gay.

PICTURE, DRAMA- No Country for Old Men. I was wrong

PICTURE, MUSICAL OR COMEDY- Juno. Wrong again

DIRECTOR- Joel and Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men. Wrong AGAIN.

ACTOR, DRAMA- Daniel Day Lewis, There Will Be Blood. Right

ACTOR, MUSICAL OR COMEDY- Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd. Right

ACTRESS, DRAMA- Julie Christie, Away from Her. Right

ACTRESS, MUSICAL OR COMEDY- Ellen Page, Juno. Wrong

SUPPORTING ACTOR- Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men. Right

SUPPORTING ACTRESS- Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone. Wrong, and glad.

SCREENPLAY- Juno. Wrong

SCORE- Atonement. Right

SONG- "Guaranteed" from Into the Wild. Right

Foreign Film- The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Right

Animated- Ratatouille. Right

There. I have now correctly predicted the Golden Globes. Enjoy it, baby.

Chuck Norris beats women

thats the stuff

-L

Yo mama, Obama. Richardson FTW!!

Well well well. I never thought I'd see the day. Barack Obama, the only clean, bright half black man in the union (or so I hear)... completely dissmissing Painful Love and their support of his campaign. I guess he thought we'd be cool with it or something. Like, we can say we're backing him and that's that. Wrong my friend. When Painful Love backs a motherfucker, we expect him to back us too. I expected hits for this site to soar today. I thought Obama would be a dude and at least mention us, like we mentioned him. I don't think you can deny the fact that we have helped out him immensely. I just thought he'd do the same...

But whatever man. I watched those debates last night and I found a new man to back. And that man's name is Bill Richardson (D). I haven't heard much buzz for him since last night which was a little surprising. I don't think there was any doubt that he "won" the debate (if there can actually be a winner). He was the calmest, the most intelligent, laid out his plans clearly for the future, and was fucking funny. Seriously, people always talk about how boring debates are. To them I say- "You've never seen a Bill Richardson debate, muthafucka!!" Just check out these quotes.

"MR. GIBSON: I will let you off on specificity -- (laughter) -- of take-backs since we're running out of time.

Governor Richardson?

GOV. RICHARDSON: Well, I've made a lot of them. One that I particularly remember -- I think it was here in New Hampshire, the first debate -- I was asked who my favorite Supreme Court justice was, and I said, dead or alive? (Laughter.) I said -- I should have -- I should have stuck to the alive because I then said, "Whizzer" White, because I idolize John F. Kennedy and I figured if he appointed "Whizzer" White, this was a great Supreme Court justice. Well then I find out that "Whizzer" White was against Roe versus Wade, against civil rights -- (laughter). You know, so that's -- that wasn't a good one. (Laughter, applause.)"

"You know, what I've said is that if I'm elected president, I'm going to have a Cabinet of Republicans, Democrats and Independents. Now, I won't overdo the Republicans, but -- (laughter)

"Well, I've been in hostage negotiations that are a lot more civil than this. (Laughter, applause.)" - After Hilary Clinton got all pissed off.

On to Clinton and Edwards- I think they kind of fucked up, but Clinton did it moreso. I guess she's under the impression that people want her to act like a stereotypical man or something. She got angry easily, was on the verge of shouting a few times even. She lost Iowa so of course she'd want to come out swinging, but Obama and Edwards were clearly on the same side. They double teamed that bitch and sent her home to mama with a rolling DDT, so to speak. I think she really fucked herself up. The people of New Hampshire aren't going to vote for an angry lesbian looking dame. They're not that kind of people. Edwards, well, what happened to him? He seemed angry too. That's not who he is and I think everyone knows it. His charm is being the smiling, nice southern boy. I didn't see that last night. He acted kind of like a dick from time to time. Again, I think this is a mistake on his part and will hurt him in the long wrong.

Obama seemed flustered. He didn't seem presidential to me. He seemed fidgety. He stuttered and mumbled during difficult questions. Add that to the no mention of our site and you've got a real double negative. Here's was an exchange that made me giggle-

" SEN. OBAMA: I just want to add I agree with John, which is why I prohibited lobbyists from buying meals for members of Congress --

MR. EDWARDS: Good idea.

SEN. OBAMA: -- because -- and some of them complained. They said --

MR. EDWARDS: Maybe they'll get a little --

MR. SPRADLING: Well, with all due respect --

SEN. OBAMA: -- they said, where am I going to eat?

MR. SPRADLING: They can now buy food for members of Congress if the members of Congress are standing up. (Laughter.) That's my understanding what the rules have changed. You can't sit down and eat, but you can stand up and eat.

SEN. OBAMA: Yeah, well, the --

MR. SPRADLING: Tell me why that's changed. (Laughter.)

SEN. OBAMA: Here's -- here's -- here's -- here's what we did. They can't buy meals, they can't provide gifts; they can no longer lend corporate -- (off mike) --"

Richardson, on the other hand, seemed calm, collected and relaxed. He knows he doesn't stand a chance, so he decided to enjoy himself. He was cracking jokes all night, baby. The moderator didn't mention his numbers in the polls, and he mentioned it as kind of a joke on himself. He knows his numbers are low. He went out there with the mind frame of "Hey, I got nothing to lose anyways, might as well make the most of it." And he did. I'd like to see him gain more traction as thing thing goes on, but I think it's too late now. Maybe it's for the best. He doesn't look like he can handle stress, real stress, well. 2 years into this job and he'll be suffering his second heart attack. Maybe our backing him isn't a good thing, because his numbers are going to skyrocket now. Ah well, fuck it. If he dies, there's no blood on my hands.

Vote Bill Richardson. (Sorry, I thought I had a pic of him, but this feline will do)

-M

REVIEW: 2007 by Maynard

2007. Wow, what a year. Right? Right. When I cared about Myspace, I wrote one of these for 2006. 2004 and 2005 were terrible years for me, and 2006 was one of the best. 2007 was distinctly average. Things started off pretty great for me, with the Colts going on their run that eventually lead to their Superbowl win. The Colts came to Indianapolis, the city I was born in, the same year I was born, so I feel like their "my" team. So them winning was pretty much like I won. I still feel like a winner by proxy.

Then The Departed won a bunch of Oscars, including Picture and Director. This isn't exactly a big deal, except that I proved to myself and others how awesome I am at predicting the Oscars, cause I knew it would win all that shit back in December 2004. So I won there.

So far, so awesome. Then from March to June it was just a blur. Nothing really special. June I got a job at a factory, which did not end well. In late July, I moved into these apartments, started being a life guard or whatever, ect. Lando was there the whole time, making my life hell. He never stops complaining. Wait, that was winter. September came and we started this blog. Then Bada joined in November or December, I can't remember. Patrick joined today. But that's 2008. So we'll talk about him next year.

Music, it was the year of the Stripped Down sound. Wilco, Kevin Drew, Radiohead, ect. all had new albums and they were all different from their last albums, just because they sounded so small. I think that was a trend this year. Small and intimate.

Movies on the other hand, were big and bold, with There Will Be Blood, Sweeney Todd and No Country for Old Men, ect. I think NCFOM is probably the best movie I've seen this year.

In just regular entertainment... a lot of women got really annoying really quickly. And that's all that happened, apparently.

I dunno how I feel about this year. I'm not sad to see it go, I guess. I've got big plans for this year. None will come to fruition. But whatever. Hope you all have a great 2008, but I hope my 2008 is better.

-M

PPPPPP All the Way

Who am I? What am I? I am P. What is "P"? P can mean Patrick. But I demand it mean other things! P that stands for Powerful or Politics. How about Pears and Plums? How about Pigs and Porcupines? I want to finish this another time so for now just call me P !

I hereby declare myself leader of this group!

Let's Talk Politics!!

YEE-HAH!! Iowa!! Caucus, that is. What an interesting evening. I didn't, like, follow it all that closely, but I found out enough to be going on with, thank you very much. Clinton came in third, Obama came in first, and Huckabee likes to play bass.

(Sigh)... I just don't know anymore. I remember in 2004, I was so excited about the possibilities of the future. Then Bush won again and I was crushed. This year... there's not many people I'm very excited about. I love Obama, but let's be serious... how long until some redneck "takes matters into his own hands, son"? Hopefully that won't happen, but I'd be afraid every day that I'd wake up to news like that. John Edwards... I don't have anything against him, exactly, he just doesn't strike me as presidential.

Hilary... well...

Yeah...

As for the Republicans, I just don't care. Ron Paul would be awesome, except he's crazy. He's the kind of guy you only want to lead for ONE DAY, not 4 years. Plus I'd be afraid every night before I go to bed that I'd wake up and turn on the t.v. and found out he died. He's old, man.

Everyone else on the Right... I dunno. It'd be like replacing Bob Barker with Drew Carey. Stale and boring. And kind of over weight.

Alright... Painful Love is officially backing Barak Obama for President. Hopefully he'll mention that when he goes to New Hampshire.

Offical prediction- Democrats will pick Obama and Evan Bayh and the Republicans will pick Huckabee and Romney. BOO YAH!! Dig it.

-M

Top Ten: Funniest T.V. Shows

As always, if you don't agree with the list, it's probably cause you're a moron or something.

10. Curb Your Enthusiasm. Has there ever been a show that has each and every episode wrap itself so neatly together from beginning to end? Probably not. And has there ever been a guy who gets more screwed over than Larry David? Probably only George Costanza, who was based on David in the first place.
BEST MOMENT- The ending of season 6, where Larry and the Blacks decide to stay together.

9. Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I wanted to put it higher on the list, but these last few seasons... well, anyways, the first 3 seasons should put it on anyones list. It concerns the adventures of 3 living, walking, talking food products- Frylock, Master Shake and Meatwad, along with their neighbor Carl.
BEST MOMENT- Shake knocking the drinks out of Ol' Drippy's hand, then getting chased out of the house by Meatwad.

8. Space Ghost Coast to Coast. I'll be honest- this might be my favorite show ever. But it has too many moments were they simply fuck with the audience to be any higher than it is. It's about 60's embarrassment Space Ghost, who gets his own talk show with the help of Moltar and Zorak, two of his captured enemies.
BEST MOMENT- Space Ghost getting sued by Jan and Jace. "LAWSUIT!!" (Spits water into the camera)

7. Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. This is easily one of the funniest shows ever, and it probably would have been in the top 5 if it had lasted longer. The thing is, it only had 6 episodes. But those 6 episodes were awesome. The show is about a group of actors who, back in the day, made a television show called Darkplace. The show within a show was about a hospital where all kinds of crazy shit happened. If you can find it, watch it.
BEST MOMENT- Dean Learner always looking directly into the camera.

6. Home Movies- The show about a group of kids who act more like adults, making home movies about the stupidest shit ever. It makes the list because of the great writing and all that, but it would have made the list anyways just because of Coach McGuirk and Jason.
BEST MOMENT- Dressing Melissa's grandfather up as a woman and filming it.

5. South Park. Another show that I basically had no choice but to put it on the list. I have a few problems with the show, namely their love of relying on fart jokes and such, but I can't deny the greatness of this show. Cartman is a legend.
BEST MOMENT- Cartman getting that Scott kid to eat his own parents.

4. Seinfeld. Here's the thing- I've seen this show so many times, it's lost a tiny bit of it's magic. If it was still new to me, it'd be number 2, maybe even number 1. But alas, it's just not "fresh" anymore. But no one can deny it's impact. And it still makes me laugh, so...
BEST MOMENT- George getting robbed by the prostitute.

3. The Office (the British version). I've come to really enjoy the American version. But comparing the two isn't apples and oranges as some will tell you. Comparing these two is like comparing the new Star Wars trilogy to the old one. You can see plenty to like about the new one, but come on, be real. The original is the best. This show, like the American show, focuses on a group of people who work for a freakishly self-involved boss, David Brent. The British version is much, much more reality based though and I think that's what makes it so great. I shouldn't have to explain this one though. If you've seen it, you'll know why it's amazing.
BEST MOMENT- David Brents freestyle dance.

2. The Simpsons. Okay, I would just like to make this clear once again- The Simpsons, at it's height, was the best show ever made. But I can't just forget the bad (the last 10 years) and just focus on the good. That wouldn't be fair. So, considering how badly the show has sucked recently (and it just keeps getting worse. Really, end it already), I have no choice but to make it number 2. But damn, when it was great, nothing could touch it. I remember when I was a kid watching it and I thought it was hilarious, and now that I've grown up, it's even funnier cause I understand it so much more.
BEST MOMENT- "Whoa! I'm seeing double! 4 Krusty's!"

1. Arrested Development. Remember when I said no show ever tied itself together so neatly as Curb Your Enthusiasm? I lied. The only other show that tops it is Arrested Development. But they didn't just have running themes for 1 show or even 1 season, this show had 3 whole seasons worth of in-jokes. If you didn't see every episode, you'd miss a quick reference. You'd think that was annoying, but it wasn't. The more it went on, the more fans became rabid (in a good way). It's probably the smartest comedy ever. And the best.
BEST MOMENT- "Banger in the mouth"

Honorable mentions- Saturday Night Live, Futurama, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, King of the Hill

Yours truly-
M

Cat Wars: "This could be the end"

Things are heating up on the Cat Wars front. As you'll recall, last time out all the evil cats in the world went batshit insane and let loose and all their human dictators. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (aka the good cats) held a secret meeting to discuss what to do... before it's too late



Cat of the left: WE MUST ACT!! Assemble The League!! This could be the end!

Cat on the right: NO! No, if we tip our hand too soon, all will be lost.

COTL: You fool! You've always been a fool! Ruling with your mind instead of your heart!

COTR: Wuh?

COTL: I forget... moving on... looks like you got a little dirt on ya. Lemme just... lemme just (starts licking)

Happy New Year, everyone.

Top Ten: Songs of the 70's

First things first, the results of the last two polls.

90's-
Smells Like Teen Spirit- 9 (total votes)
Sometimes- 6
Paranoid Android- 6
Sabotage- 4
All Apologies- 3
No Surprises- 3
Unravel- 3
Karma Police- 2
Jane Says- 1
Sunken Treasure- 1

80's-
Love Will Tear Us Apart- 8
Don't Stop Believing- 6
Where Is My Mind?- 5
This Must Be the Place- 4
Teen Age Riot- 4
It's the End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)- 2
Just Like Honey- 1
This Is the Day- 1
Making Plans for Nigel (which I just learned is a 70's song)- 0
Down Under- 0

Ok, now for my favorite songs of the 70's

10. Metamorfose Ambulante by Raul Seixas

9. Judy Is a Punk by The Ramones

8. Pink Moon by Nick Drake

7. Idiot Wind by Bob Dylan

6. Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

5. Cosmic Dancer by T. Rex

4. Heroes by David Bowie

3. Kaze Wo Atsumete by Happy End

2. Street Hassle by Lou Reed

1. Here Comes the Warm Jets by Brian Eno.

Now shut up and vote.

Haircut.

New Years Eve is on the way, folks. Naturally, the backasswards Australians probably don't even celebrate it until damn April or something. Good thing I'm not Australian. I'm American, baby. And as such, I plan on getting wasted and then hooking up with a shitload of ladies on New Years Eve. Of course, I have to look my best for this to happen. With this in mind, I went to get a haircut today.

I went in with Lando tagging along, paid my money and sat down. Some woman who was clearly on the wrong end of 40 was my barber. She started cutting away and such and everything was fine for a few minutes. Then she started talking to me.

"How short you want it?" she asked. "I dunno, just shorter", I said.

So she went back to cutting. Then she started telling me about how her ex-husband had hair down past his shoulders and a full beard and how she liked it. "Awesome", I said. No I didn't. Why was she telling me? I didn't care.

Then she told me you have to live your life for yourself. Then she told me how her mom complained about how she had beer cans laying all over the house. Then she told me she was 29 and had two kids. That's when I realized she was hitting on me.

"I would have guessed younger", I lied. She stopped cutting my hair, looked directly into the mirror and into my eyes and said "Thank you", sounding like no one had ever said anything nice about her ever in her life. Chicks love compliments and will fall for anyone who says anything nice about them.

So then she kept "accidentally" rubbing up against me and everything. Like I didn't know what she was doing. Then she kept kind of dropping her scissors cause I made her nervous cause she liked me so much. Too bad, baby.

Anywho, let's just say that I might have a chick in love with me and leave it at that. It's the only way I can explain what an awful job she did on my hair. She was too distracted because she thought she had a new man in her life and someone to take care of her damn kids. Fat chance, honey.

I'm not going to any parties on New Years Eve, by the way.

-M

Vader Sessions

everyone look at this shit

this dude i know showed me this he has a mustache


-L

Bada Christmas.

You knew it had to come right? It's officially Christmas in Bada Land. Is he concerned/bothered about it being Christmas? I THINK NOT! I know what you are all going to say, "Bada Scrooge" "Bada Grinch" Sure you get presents, but when you get to Bada's age, Christmas is just another day. Maynard and Lando are obviously chewing on there turkey, so are far to busy to post in here. What did i tell you about these Americans. They think they can just sit on there fat asses and eat turkey, drink beer and burp real loud to try and be "cool" Bada has an idea what he is getting. He hopes to get more surprises though. I'm thinking some pornos and some condoms. Ok i'm kidding. Though i think Bada is getting sick here, SICK OF YOU! no seriously he keeps coughing, getting headaches. It's not looking good. So before Bada says farewell for Christmas. I hope you all have a bad CHRISTMAS! (ok i'm kidding geez). Have a lovely Bada Christmas and Bada sends his best wishes and hope you get all the cool stuff what you asked for and much more. Now Bada is off to play Halo 3. Don't worry he won't get drawn into that group of people who go around saying OWNAGE! He just wants to get his rank up. :)

B

Superbad.

Lando told me about this movie that he and Maynard went to see. It's called "Superbad" he told me to go and watch it, so i thought to myself just GREAT it's going to be one of those gay movies what they like, like GayBack Mountain. So anyways i checked it out and seriously everyone has to go and see this movie right now. It's probably the funniest or one of the funniest movies i have ever seen in my entire life. That's a lot of life baby. This movie seems to relate to my life and also there is a lot of similarities. It's the way me, Maynard and Lando act. This movie is infact based on us! Let me break it down for you suckers. Seth he is definitely Lando. The way Lando is infact rude, mean, constantly thinks about sex and also the fat guy. You see where i am going with this.... Evan is so me Bada. The shy guy, the guy who just wants the one woman. ;) The guy who has a hot mother.. OK that was just wrong and SICK. Fogell, yeah you probably all know who Fogell is. One word PATRICK. I can just imagine Patrick wearing glasses and has his hair coming down with a little fringe. FUCKING nerd. Also the guy who thinks he is cool which is so not true. I can just picture Patrick infact saying "I am McLovin" what a JOKE. Maynard now that was a tough one. Probably one of the cops best describe Maynard. Beer drinking, car driving, gun blazing, thinks he's damn cool! what an ASSHOLE! I tried to get this movie from PlayUsa. Out of damn stock. Screw you damn AMERICANS.

B

Fat People Deserve Respect.

This is bullshit. A new study finds that very obese people are 44 percent less likely to get a transplant than normal weight patient, according to something I just read on Yahoo. It also said something about them having to wait at least 18 months longer than normal people.

And isn't that just typical? Fatties getting the shaft. Let me tell you something folks, fat people are heroes. Every watch a movie? If you have you'll know what I mean. Movies are awesome and they're always right. Pretty much every single movie ever made has the same message behind it- be yourself, do what you love and to hell with what other people think. Just like The Godfather.

Fat people do what they love, and they do it A LOT, if you know what I mean (wink wink). Eating. So why aren't these people applauded everywhere they go (to eat)? They're living life to the fullest... and then when that starts to kill them, they have to wait longer for a new liver?! Actually it'd probably be a heart or something they're looking to get their grubby, greedy little hands on, eh? Eh?

Fat people are my heroes and they deserve to keep on kicking ass just like the rest of us healthy people. We could all learn something from them. Shame on you. You're living a lie. Trying to stay all fit and stuff. For what? Do you think anyone cares? Do you think it makes you better than me? Or them? Take a look in the mirror and next to you see a fat person, tell them... "Thanks... thanks for living the life I'm too afraid to live. You're a brave person, and I'm sorry for all that you've had to go through." And then try to fit your arms around them to give them a big ole bear hug ^_____^

With deep respect for fat people,
M.

AWW SHITZ!

we found this on Dark UFO's site and thought we should take it i do hope you enjoy it

even though we are the number 1 super fans of lost



with painful love


-L

EDIT: Sorry about that, we have a working one up now.

I Work at a Pool Now, I Guess

Yeah. I know. I work at a pool now, and guess what? I'M LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!

No. No, actually I hate it. And you can't really call it work for two reasons. One being I don't do shit for like 10 hours a day, the second because I only get paid 100$ a month. The rest is taken off my rent. But it's only on weekends, so... that's good, right? No, because it means I have no possibility to have a life now. Not that I had one before, but still... I could have had one, if I'd wanted it.

Another problem is the people. I hate them. Especially children. And black people. Ok, that last one was a joke. But I only had two people come in all weekend and one was a kid and the other was black, so I had to complain about them, right? I just locked myself in the office when they came to swim because there's no way in hell that I could save them if they started to drown. Seriously, I tried swimming when there was nothing to do and it turns out I'm bad at it. Which came as a shock to me because I had assumed I was quite good. It's kind of like running. I don't run often but when I do, I'm always shocked at how slow I am. It's like, "What's WRONG with me? Something has malfunctioned!!"

And then I sit down and cry.

-M

Dick Masterson is a "Manspiration"

http://www.shrinktalk.net/archives/the_mind_of_male_chauvinism.phtml

Dick Masterson is a good friend of mine. And by that, I mean we've never actually spoken, but he once talked to me via the "internet". Dick has been spreading the word lately. The N word!! No, sorry, that was a joke Bada once used. Dick has actually been trying to spread the word that men are better than women. While you may not agree with him, you can't deny that he's got style. In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to induct Dick into my Hall of Fame, or what I will heretofore refer to as "The Classy's". Only the classiest of people are are allowed to join this exclusive club. I'm in it, of course, since I'm The Always Classy Maynard and all. I guess Lando and Bada can be in it. They're classy. They're classier than shit. And now Dick is in too. Shit, I should have put Ike Turner in it. Ah well, too late. Dead people can't be Classy, with a capital C.

Anywho, enjoy the link thing. It's Dick talking to some guy about stuff. It's funny.

Unofficial best line- "A man will never cheat on a woman who keeps him well fed and well fucked".

Classy.

EDIT: The link thing isn't working right. Blogger is a piece of shit.

You stay classy, New York Times

R.I.P., Ike Turner. You couldn't ask for a classier send off.



EDIT: New York Post, New York Times, same thing. They're both run by Freemasons.

-M

Out, Smarten.

You're probably wondering what's with the heading "Out, Smarten". Well let me tell you a little story people. If you read the post before you'll realise what the hell Bada is going on about here. I said to my parents that i am infact getting an Iphone. They tried to put me off from getting one. Then my mum came through to my room and said "Can you put off getting an Iphone" I then said mum listen up, Man to Woman here, me being the man of course. "I'm not stupid, i know that i am getting a mobile phone for Christmas" then she left the room. Muhaha. As i was about to leave, i went into the living room and started boasting my ego by saying "You just got out, smarten" "I am so smart" My parents were like what are you going on about? I replied, "I was never really getting an Iphone" "Thanks for telling me what my Christmas Present is" Succccckers. I was planning on sending a Christmas Present to this girl. She's just called "girl" for now. It would be pretty freaky though if i were to like say. "Hey baby, give me your address" lol. Whether it would even get there in time for Christmas, who knows?

B.

Bada Christmas.

It is nearly Christmas people. That's right, Bada Christmas. Bada is going to get a whole lot of shit this Christmas. By that Bada means he's getting one thing only. Bada has been told that it is smallish, technology and is £130 and needs a new one. Bada thinks he is in fact getting a mobile phone. Which would be pretty cool i guess. 1 phone for business and the other phone for pleasure. ;) Any ideas what else it could be people? Send your ideas forward. Bada needs to figure this shit out before it's too late.

Let This End...

Back by popular demand, more cat wars. Last time, the humanoids merely mocked Emperor Mittens when he attempted to do something. I forget. Anywho, now all the evil cats in the world have united to wreck havoc on their masters. And wouldn't you know it, it was all caught on film.

In other news... I'm so lonely I think I'm about to have a heart attack.

I Really Really Hate Boston

Boston sucks, my friends. It's full of "cawk suckas" and "fackin queahs". They think they're so damn cool :< But you know what? They're not.

First thing I hate most about them is that all their teams are somehow incredibly lucky and win everything. This somehow makes the people of Boston feel as if they're superior to the rest of us. But they do have some great teams. Red Sox won that baseball thing that no one cares about. Pats are still winning. Celtics seem to be a real threat in the NBA. Like I even care :< Big deal. Fucking Boston.

Then today they announced their winners for the Boston Society of Film Critics. Naturally, Amy Ryan won Best Supporting Actress for Gone Baby Gone (which was set in Boston), while Ben Affleck won the Best New Filmmaker award for the same movie. Seems.. suspicious. No Country for Old Men won Best Film, which came as no surprise to most but I was starting to think they'd give the award to one of those documentary things ESPN did for the Red Sox or something. "A Season of Dreams", they'd call it. Then in the background they'd play the triumphant music while showing the Sox winning the World Series, while in the stands fans would be taking off their shirts, accosting young women and basically being the rude vile pigs they are.

The greatest man in Boston history was born in Indiana. DEAL WITH IT!!

Anywho... so this awards season is heating up, eh? DDL still hasn't won a Best Actor award... wonder if I should change my predictions yet?

Nah.

I Loves Me Some Sports

I noticed that in our Labels thingy, we only had one post on Sports. I found this incredible. I was under the impression that I had made somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 posts in Sports, keeping everyone updated on the Colts and NASCAR, or whatever you hillbillies love. We aim to please here at Maynard and Lando.. I mean, Maynard and Lando and Bada... I mean, N Words 4 Life...

... I'm thinking about changing the name of this site to Marlboro Men From the Future.

So anywho, what's going on in the sports world? Meh, same old, same old I suppose. New England Patriots still winning every game. Bada loves the Patriots and our friendship almost ended last January when the Colts beat them to earn a trip to the Superbowl. Since I respect Bada so much (and by respect, I mean I don't respect him), I've decided to let everyone know that the refs GAVE the game against the Ravens last week to the Pats. Handed over to them on a silver platter. Pats are big news this year. Can they go 19-0? Of course they can with the NFL all but officially on their side. Sorry Bada, I'm only saying this to upset you ^____^

Anywho, they're playing the Steelers this week and I expect the Pats to take their first lose of the season. I'm calling it, Steelers 31, Pats 27.

NBA TIIIMMEEE!! Hmm.. Pacers aren't doing so great. That's gay. Uh.. Boston Celtics are everyone's favorite team again. Why does Boston get all the good shit? Indiana never gets NOTHIN!! Everyone thinks we're all obsessed with race cars. Do you know what they put on our State Quarter? Some race car. We're not like that, really people.

Ok, time for some predictions. Colts vs. Cowboys in the Superbowl, with my alternative pick being Pats vs Cowboys. AFC wins either way.

Spurs will win another title if Duncan stays healthy, beating the Celtics in 7 games. Kevin Garnett wins MVP and Kevin Durant wins Rookie of the Year.

Now when all this shit doesn't happen, I will erase this post and act like it never happened and I'll call you a liar and a son of a bitch if you bring it up.

Peace be with you,

- M

women make me sick

lando here with another tacky blog about women and other things. first off i want to tell you about something really sick i saw in wal-mart. see me and this one dude i know went to wal-mart and i had to go to the shitter and when i went in i saw something unlike anything i have ever seen before. two dudes in one stall. i could see their cowboy boots and everything. there was no way i could have mistaken this for something else. and i went and told everyone i knew.


now to the main event. this other time i was in wal-mart AGAIN and you wont believe what happened to me. i was walking and minding my own business when these two chicks came out of nowhere, like the devil, and started talking really loud right behind me. they were laughing and giggling and having a great time, not even caring that they were making me insane. letting little girls run around alone in stores is like letting hogs run wild in your house. they can drive you crazy and ruin the best of times. they only care about themselves and their good time and not one bit about the people around them.


and then we were in the check out line and there was some lady in a powerchair, and it was taking forever. the cashier did not know what SHE was doing. so after about 10 min. my mom took all of our stuff off the line and got all angry and said "this lady does not even know how to move!!" and i thought she meant the lady in the powerchair and i started laughing.


and then we saw this one chick we knew from way back and she acted like she did not even want to talk to us. of course we were hiding from her but she saw us and could have at least said hello. she saw us 3 times and she did not say hello once. hows that for a woman? also she had lost all her teeth since the last time i saw her and she is only like 22 years old.


with painful love

-L

Top Ten: Songs of the 80's

It's that time again. Time for you to shut up and ROCK THE VOTE. By voting for the best song of the 1980's. So vote.

10. Down Under by Men At Work. I believe they officially made this the Australian National Anthem. This one goes out to all my Australian friends and fans out there.

9. Don't Stop Believing by Journey. Shut up, it's cool and you know it.

8. Making Plans for Nigel by XTC.

7. Where Is My Mind? by The Pixies

6. This Is the Day by The The

5. It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) by R.E.M.

4. Just Like Honey by The Jesus and Mary Chain

3. Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division

2. Teen Age Riot by Sonic Youth

1. This Must Be the Place by Talking Heads (the Stop Making Sense version, not the studio version)

Shut it and vote. If you haven't heard one of these songs, press Launch Playlist.

Cat Wars: "This is Our Demands"

good lord. this just in!! emperor mittens, emperor of all felines (except big cats like tigers and lions and stuff) has just sent in a new video to CNN. experts were shocked to learn mittens had almost taught himself english. it kinds of sounds chinese though. you know how when we make fun of chinese people by saying "chinchongchang" and stuff like that? this sounds like that.

too bad CNN didn't take him seriously. they seem to have put a laugh track in the background. to mock him, i would guess. he really seems nervous. things are really heating up in these... CAT WARS!!!!



-L

REVIEW- No Country for Old Men by Maynard

Everybody loves the Coens, right? After Fargo, The Big Lebowski and O Brother, Where Art Thou?, they've earned their place in American cinema history. But after O Brother, they kind of just lost it. Their movies were still enjoyable on a certain level, but you couldn't compare them to the classics. They were just pale imitations. I had written them off. I'd heard about No Country for Old Men early last year, but I wasn't excited about it. They took this new movie to Cannes, where it was raved, and I still didn't care. I figured they were just "blowing smoke", as the young people say.

But the good reviews kept coming, so I finally decided to get a little interested. One problem- It wasn't going to be playing at my local theater. Or anywhere else near me. So... well, I saw it, ok? That's all that matters.

Now for the actual review. No Country for Old Men is the best Coen brothers movie since Fargo. It might be better than Fargo, I can't tell yet. I wasn't a huge fan of Fargo when it first came out and now I love it. I already love No Country for Old Men, so who knows how I might feel in a year? Hard to tell, I've only seen it once, but everyone tells me it gets better with a second viewing. Only time will tell whether or not they're lying dogs.

Jeez, this is a bad review so far. Time to get super serious. NCFOM is about this man, Llewelyn Moss, who stumbles upon a drug deal gone wrong. Dead bodies everywhere (even a dead dog, wink wink). He also finds a shit-load of money. He takes the money, which is the worst possible thing he could do. It sets off a chain of events that the movie follows with close attention to detail.

Moss is being chased by Anton Chigurh, played by Javier Bardem. Bardem deserved an Oscar back in 2000 for Before Night Falls, and odds are that he'll win Supporting Actor this year. Bardem is good, but not Oscar worthy. He's entertaining, but don't listen to the people who are telling you this is the best performance of the year. Tommy Lee Jones and Josh Brolin are better, even if their parts aren't as flashy.

That being said, Chigurh is a lot of fun to watch. He's given the best scenes and the funniest lines, ect. I haven't mentioned it yet, but NCFOM is a funny movie. But you already knew that, cause it's a Coens movie. They can't help themselves.

But it isn't a comedy movie. It deals with some serious issues, like .. you know, Americans and violence and everything. It's got some incredibly violent scenes, and they're incredibly entertaining. The scene where Moss and Chigurh go at it in the streets is probably the best scene I've seen this year. This movie has two or three Scene of the Year contenders.

Jones and Brolin are terrific, but I can't see them getting much awards attention. I think Moss is the most relateable character. I could see myself doing the same things he does, even though I kept thinking "DON'T DO IT!!" But it's too late, he does it. Maybe we should take this as a warning or something. Sometimes it's best not to get what you think you want.

Jones is great. He's funny and he plays the moral center of the film just right. I'm one of the few who's never really liked Jones much at all, but he's great here. He plays a guy we all strive to be like, yet when you think about it, it's clear he's something of a failure. You could make the argument that things turn out the way they do because of his failure to act. He's clearly the Old Man who just doesn't understand this world anymore. This dark, ugly world, embodied by Bardem.

This review has been pretty terrible. I've waited a few days to wrap my mind around this movie, but it's not working. It seems so simple when you're watching it, but once it's over all these big ideas just start flowing that you didn't pick up on while watching it. I'm gonna give this a 9.0. It might even go up with repeated viewings. I've predicted this as my Best Picture winner, but I'm not so sure. It's very violent and might even scare some people. The movie is probably the best of the year and the Coens are overdue, so I'm not changing my predictions just yet, but it's not a lock by any means.

If you can find it, see it. Any way you can.

Top Ten: Most Satisfying Endings

Some guy once said something really clever about endings. Like, everything can suck, but if the ending is good everyone will like it. Was it Brian Cox? He was funny in Rushmore. I love Rushmore, and yes, it'll be on this list. So let's do this shit.

10. Catcher on the Rye- Holden watches his little sister on the merry-go-round, then he goes to a mental institution. Everyone knows this ending and I don't know of anyone who dislikes it. It's been out for like 50 or 60 years and no one can think up a better way for it to end.


9. Wolf at the Door from Radiohead's Hail to the Thief- There are better Radiohead songs. There are better Radiohead songs that end their albums. But there's none quite as tongue in cheek. None that put a smirk on your face the same way. It's pretty much a nonsense song, full or knives in the neck and kicking people in the teeth with steel toed boots one minute, then x-rays eyes and cold wives the next. But it's a fun song, and probably one of the most "freewheeling" Radiohead have ever done.


8. Pulp Fiction- Jon Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson eating breakfast in their "dorky" attire. Place gets robbed. "Bad Mutha Fucker". And Jackson's speech, which I consider the best speech ever to end a movie. It sums up the entire film really. And that film changed the face of movies ever since.


7. Mulholland Dr.- Old people crawling under your door is creepy. I wasn't a huge fan of this ending at first, but it's grown on me. It's a fucking weird ending, probably the weirdest, like, ever. It's hard to explain it, so I'll just throw some words out there. Naomi Watts. Gun. Hallway. Chasing. All a dream? ... yeah, not a great explanation, but... you just gotta see it yourself. And don't judge it rashly, give it some time to settle in your brain.


6. Taxi Driver- Travis Bickle is a bad bad man. He goes nuts trying to save this chick, kills lots of people and becomes a hero. But the people who made him a hero don't know the whole story. They don't know that Bickle is a sick man. Martin Scorsese once said that he believes Bickle would one day go on a worse, even more violent killing spree one day, because he believes that's what the people want. Bickle thinks he's doing the right thing, and now that he's a hero, that belief will only grow stronger...


5. Dr. Strangelove- One of the funniest movies ever. It's virtually perfect, but then the ending is coming and you're thinking "Um, how are they gonna end this?" There really is no other way to end it- everyone on Earth dies except for the people in the War Room. Also, for no apparent reason at all, Dr. Strangelove is able to walk again. It doesn't make any sense, but it's funny.


4. Curb Your Enthusiasm- "The Bat Mitzvah". Anyone who's seen this knows I'm talking about the last 60 seconds or so. For 3 or 4 episodes, Larry had been trying to win back his wife. He goes to his best friend's daughter's bat mitzvah, and takes along his house guest, a black woman who's family had been staying with the Davids because a hurricane destroyed their home. Larry dances with her, and sparks fly. We then learn that Larry started dating her, and didn't get back together with his wife. We see him at his new son's soccer game, going to the movies (there The Blacks are unable to contain themselves and act like embarrassing stereotypes, with Larry joining in), and posing for Christmas cards together.


3. The Royal Tenenbaums- Royal realizes he's "the bad guy" and decides he has to fix what he's broken. He divorces his wife so she can marry the man of her dreams (who just so happens to be Danny Glover), but the wedding is ruined by a drugged up Eli Cash, who crashes his car into the house, killing Buckley, the dog. Royal buys his grandsons a new dog, which helps to mend his broken relationship with his oldest son. Then Royal dies and everyone goes to the funeral, where we see Royal's tombstone, detailing how he died saving his family from a sinking ship (he didn't).


2. Lost in Translation- Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson were so screwed over come Oscar time. But we're not gonna go down that road yet. So anywho, the ending. These two people have developed a very deep friendship over the last few days, but it has to end. Murray has to go home to his wife and kids. They say goodbye, very awkward. Neither wants to admit to the other how much they've meant to them. Bill's driving away, sees Scarlett walking down a busy street, pulls over and walks up to her. They kiss and he whispers something into her ear, but we can't hear what it is. They finally leave each other, and "Just Like Honey" starts playing. Then we get some nice shots of Tokyo, and it's over. Probably the most memorable ending this decade.


1. Rushmore- Max fucks up everyone's life, then realizes that he can't live in his fantasy world forever, and set's about fixing everything he ruined. It ends in his most celebrated play to date. He also gets Mr. Blume and Ms. Cross back together and gets his own girlfriend. But he still gets to dance with his dream girl. Good stuff, good stuff. And yes, I love me some Bill Murray.

Creep.

It's Bada folks, he is sorry that he hasn't been around lately. (That's a lie). So this friend, that's all i will call her for now. Bada has Xbox Live/Macbook, so this "friend" went out and got Xbox Live and is getting a Macbook now. So i'm thinking of going for the million dollar question? Want to meet? You're probably wondering about the heading of this blog. "Creep" yeah i am a Creep but the real meaning behind it is, that friend was playing Radiohead "Creep" to me. Bada doesn't even like Radiohead but Bada sure does love this song. Check out the lyrics Nigga. They probably best describe Bada in the flesh.

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in your eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out again
She's running out
She run run run run...
run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...

That's all from Bada tonight. He's off to watch some Pirates and a really hot Keira Knightley!

Updates: A New Kind of Class

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the new more classy http://www.maynardandlando.blogspot.com.


As you can see we have a new name and layout for the pleasure of your gluzzballs. When you look at our site you get an image of successful businessmen. As you have noticed, I am using captials and everything for one time only.


But with great success comes great tragedy. Our old buddy Bada may have cancer and will be leaving this site and this world shortly. Unless he learns to update sometimes.

So anyways I'm sure you want to know how I have been doing, the only thing i have to say is, I'm great. And I hope Bada gets whats coming to him.

-L

Happy Thanksgiving, My niggaz

I loooove me some Thanksgiving. What's my favorite thing about Thanksgiving, you ask? Australians don't get to celebrate it. They don't get nothin' cause they don't give nothin'. It's called Thanksgiving, not Thankstaking. Even though we stole an entire country from Indians. But hey, it's not like we didn't give anything back to them. Washington Redskins, anyone? Kansas City Chiefs?


-M

Cat Wars: Inferno (aka Part 4)

Cat wars is... heating up? Muhahaha.

Black cat: Better get out of here, pretty boy.
White cat: Best to get the fuck off my land, pretty boy.
Black cat: You're just white trash. Nothing more. Never for get that.
White cat: I'd rather be white trash than burnt trash (attacks)

(Fighting ensues)

Black cat: You won this time. But you look like a fag with that bell around your neck.
White cat: Just get on out of here and don't never come back!!
Black cat: I'll be back... you remember that...

First Official Oscar Predictions.

It's Oscar season, so I'm happy ^__________^

The Oscars are a tricky thing though. You mention you enjoy the Oscars, people think you're gay. And I completely understand why. Watch any show on them, it's all about fashion or singing and dancing or some stupid boring shit like that. I don't follow the Oscars because of that. I liken the Oscars to football. Each season, everyone makes predictions, follows their favorite players and hope the ones they like make it all the way to the Superbowl. That's just what the Oscars are. Picking your favorites and hoping they make it. Of course, there's very few things more frustrating than the Oscars. Maybe once a decade the right movie or actor wins. So why do I do it every year? Because I am sad and lonely and most people hate me. So here's my predictions for this year.

BEST PICTURE-
No Country for Old Men*
Atonement
There Will Be Blood
Sweeney Todd
Charlie Wilson's War

For the past, like, two years I've been saying that whenever There Will Be Blood comes out, it'll be an Oscar winner. I still think it'll win some awards, but not Best Picture. It's too dark and disturbing and mean for the Oscars. Some people may come back and say "Yeah, but so was The Departed." No, it wasn't. The Departed was at it's heart an entertaining popcorn flick. There Will Be Blood isn't. Atonement I think is just too British. Sweeney Todd is too song and dance-y. They already awarded one of those this decade. Charlie Wilson's War is full of Oscars winners, so maybe the Academy will be bored with them. I dunno one way or another which way this movie will go. So that leaves No Country for Old Men, which is the best reviewed movie of the year, plus it has an already classic performance from Javier Bardem, and the Coens are overdue. I'll say it's the frontrunner.

DIRECTOR-
Joel Coen and Ethan Coen- No Country for Old Men*
Joe Wright- Atonement
P.T. Anderson- There Will Be Blood
Tim Burton- Sweeney Todd
Mike Nichols- Charlie Wilson's War

Again, I think the fact that everyone loves NCFOM and the fact that the Coens are pretty much American heroes at this point will put them over the top. They'll win it.

ACTOR-
Daniel Day-Lewis- There Will Be Blood*
Johnny Depp- Sweeney Todd
Tom Hanks- Charlie Wilson's War
Denzel Washington- American Gangster
Tommy Lee Jones- In the Valley of Elah

I'm confident on three of those. The last two I'm not so sure. I'm gonna say it's a two-man race anyways. Day-Lewis and Depp. Depp has become everyones favorite actor over the past few years and everyone wants to see him win. But Day-Lewis is the single most respected actor since Brando. Plus he was robbed for Gangs of New York and people haven't forgotten that. Day-Lewis wins.

ACTRESS-
Ellen Page- Juno*
Marion Cotillard- La Vie en Rose
Angelina Jolie- A Mighty Heart
Amy Adams- Enchanted
Laura Linney- The Savages

I'm not confident in this one at all. I'm just guessing what everyone else is guessing. I'll say Ellen Page, but don't hold me to that.

SUPPORTING ACTOR-
Javier Bardem- No Country for Old Men*
Hal Holbrook- Into the Wild
Philip Seymour Hoffman- Charlie Wilson's War
Casey Affleck- The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Tom Wilkinson- Micheal Clayton

I'm pretty sure this is how it'll look, but who knows? If Javier Bardem doesn't win though, it'll be remembered as one of the biggest snubs ever.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS-
Cate Blanchett- I'm Not There*
Amy Ryan- Gone Baby Gone
Saoirse Ronan- Atonement
Ruby Dee- American Gangster
Tilda Swinton- Michael Clayton

Boring race. Blanchett will win easily. If not, I will go to jail.

So there you go. I might get into more detail as the Oscars get closer. Go forth and conquer.

-M

interesting facts/amazing revelations!

man. every day it's the same. "oi oi why ain't you doin nuffin for our site oi oi?" so sick of this shit and this site. this shite. so here's some stuff i KNOW you didn't know.

every face you see in a dream is a face you've seen in real life, even if you don't recognize it.

earthworms have 5 hearts.

every day is 55 billionths of a second longer than the day before it.

Pope Pius II wrote an erotic book "Historia de duobos amantibus" in 1444.

as of 2006, 200 million blogs were left without updates. this one will be too soon.

Gandhi didn't allow his wife to take penicillin to save her life from pneumonia but took quinine to save himself from malaria.

forty-one percent of english women have punched or kicked their partners, according to a study. that's why i always say them english chicks is slags. get it? that's english.

the average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.

Roman Emperor Caligula made his horse a senator.

the roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.

the sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.

the world’s deadliest recorded earthquake occurred in 1557 in central China, more than 830,000 people were killed.

a snail can sleep for three years.

there. new blog done.

-L

Top Ten: Songs of the 90's

Hello folks. Maynard here, with another Top Ten list. This time, I'm doing the Best Songs of the 90's. And by Best, I mean My Favorites. After this I'll eventually do best of the 80's, 70's, 60's and 00's. (And apologies to Bada, who I already know will disagree with every song on this list)

10. Sabotage by The Beastie Boys
9. Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana (I know it's almost a cliche to put it on here, but it is a very good song)
8. Jane Says by Jane's Addiction
7. Karma Police by Radiohead
6. Sunken Treasure by Wilco
5. Unravel by Bjork (I couldn't find the Bjork version, so I got the Radiohead cover instead. It's a great cover, by Bjork's is better. Find it and listen to it.)
4. All Apologies by Nirvana
3. Paranoid Android by Radiohead
2. No Surprises by Radiohead
1. Sometimes by My Bloody Valentine

So there it is. The best songs of the 90's. Here's a ProjectPlaylist playlist I made for it. For some reason it's not working right, so you have to press the Launch StandAlone Player thingy and it should work.

Bada BOOM!

That's right friends, foes and most importantly girls. ;) Finally Bada has come to Blogspot. I would like to tell you that i have infact met a hot chick. When i say met, i mean online sadly. The thing is though i seem to attract these certain type of ladies. A) They are FAKE!, B) They have like 3895783275832 guys after them and C) Yeah i've got nothing for C. Anyways i have seen her on cam quite alot and she also talks dirty to me. Ok i'm lying about the dirty part. She talks to me on mic and i talk to her on mic. We also play Halo 3 together but i get distracted too easily and die because bascially i just want to have Halo sex with her!! lol. I also have her phone number but i haven't called her yet for phone sex. ;) So did i tell you that i have fish? Yeah well i had like 20 fish and now i have like 6. I'll tell you why exactly. My dad is an idiot. He got fighter fish which he probably never knew at the time. They damn attacked my fish and kept biting there tails and now they are dead!! Does it look like Bada has just got money he can throw around all the time for fish? They don't even do any damn tricks. Those Bastards.

Bada.

welcome Bada

ok...so we picked up a new guy for this hell hole


his name is bada and he is that ASSHOLE who i told you all he died remember that? anyways he is here now and he better do a good job!


-L

I Officially Hate the Writers and Their Stupid Strike.

Damon Lindelof is a big time player for Lost, aka The Best Series on T.V. As you may or may not know, there's this little writers strike thing going on, and it's fucking everything up for my favorite t.v. shows. No Conan O'Brien, no Daily Show, no nothin'. I had hoped it would end in time for Lost to come back full force, but it looks like it's not happening.

Here's and interview he did with some chick at some website.

It looks like Lost will air eight episodes and then go dark. Does it sadden you that you're not able to deliver those 16 in a row that were promised to the fans?
Yes, it does. I feel like the worst thing we could have done was to plan for a strike and plan accordingly. Everybody had to be optimistic, because then it would have felt like why does episode eight feel like such a conclusion? We learned last year that the show moves at a certain pace, and you can't build up critical momentum in the first six episodes. In fact, when you are doing 24 straight episodes of a show, the first six episodes are a lot of tap dancing and some writers are able to tap-dance very effectively. Cable writers don't have to tap-dance at all, which is why all their shows are so great.

Interesting.
Yeah, and I think that's something Heroes is getting unnecessary guff for right now, too. They're getting a lot of heat because the story can't really start until episode seven or eight. And I remember all this bad-mouthing going on about our show last year, and I talked to Tim [Kring]. I said, "This all feels so familiar to me—don't worry, it only takes one good episode to round the corner and then everybody is back on board again." But an eight-episode season is an incomplete season, and I am not going to try to spin it any other way.

At the end of the eighth episode, is there any sense of conclusion whatsoever?
It's as much of a conclusion as, say, Ana-Lucia and Libby getting shot.

Wow. Really?
Yes. And you'd be, like, oh my god, I can't believe I have to wait another year and two months for episode nine of this season.

So, it's a cliffhanger?
Yes. And that's the thing, we really planned out the three seasons of 16, 16 and 16...so the idea of having to come back and maybe do a 24-episode season, and that would be season five is just...I can't look the fans in the eye and tell them that we're executing the original plan anymore.

Will the storyline have to be tweaked?
The story will remain the same, but the way [it's] constructed is a lot like saying to J.K. Rowling, "Can you do it in eight books?" And she goes, "I don't want to write an eighth book." And they say, "How about you just take the seventh book and release two 400-page books?"

So basically, we have to wait almost a year for new episodes, and when it comes back, it'll only be 8 episodes? And then we'll have to wait, like, 14 months to see the rest? Lame. Really fucking lame.