Yes

Fuckingly Awesome

Man, I am so messed up right now (high five/wears sunglasses)

-M

Story of My Life

Lando, Big T and I were driving home from work the other day. On our way home, we drove by a soccer field full of babes. Big T and I were scoping them out. Totally trying out our lines on them for when we drove by. As we got closer, we realized they were 7 year olds.

-M

Freaks

Freaks, man. They flock to me. I've only really noticed in the last year or so. Weirdos surround me. They love me.

"Big T". 5'3" Peurto Rican. Husband to a drug dealer. Soldier in two America wars/conflicts. Erratic speech patterns.

JD. Spastic man-child covered in hair. Husband to an abusive wife. Star Wars expert.

Donald. 40 year old virgin. I'm 90% sure he has some form of autism, and I'm not joking one bit. Star Wars knowledge rivaled only by JD and Frankie Teardrop. Nicest person I've ever met? To a scary degree, almost.

Frankie Teardrop. Recurring enemy to Maynard and Lando. Military fetishist. Star Wars expert. "Joking" racist?

Saucy Sally. Wife to Frankie Teardrop. Life's motto- "Smoke 'em if ya got 'em." Deep seething rageoholic? Or just high?

Black Tony. 300 lbs. black man. 50 years old. Big T's wife hit him in the face with a base ball bat 3 decades ago. Former big time drug trafficker. Served 8 years in prison. Tells the weirdest stories I've ever heard.

Blondie. A male. Walks like a robot, stiffly and without moving his limbs. Ultimate goal in life is to come over to my house and get high with me.

DL. Starts every sentence with either "'ey dawg," or "'eh man,". Currently serving a three month sentence in jail for drug possession, but he swears he, "'idn't do it."

Yeah. Those are the people who we hang out with. Then at work they brought me this trainee. Within an hour I know this freaks whole life story. He was "turning his life around. New house, new whore, new job." He told me that the place I used to work at was a place he started. He was the "first man through the door." He hired "half the techs that work there." He used to make a lot of the machinery that our shared current place of employment uses daily. His wife, 20 years his junior, got an abortion several months earlier, because her dad told her to. It "killed him." It hurt even worse because last year he lent the man 5,000$ "just like that. Never even learned what for." Ouch. Wow. Then he told me he liked the girls that worked there because they're "all whores and that's what I want."

Then he told me a story about how during his class to study the jobs they would be doing, he saw some chick staring at him. But he wasn't sure if she was staring at him or the guy next to him, he started rubbing his crotch while staring at her face. She watched him for a second and then saw him staring at her, and she quickly turned her head. He laughed like a bastard. Then he told me he likes working hard and being covered in sweat. Like, I swear he said that.

:|

So how have you been, dears?

-M

This Just In

Me and my sister were walking to my house today and we saw these little five year old kids walking around together. One of them said, "You ready to jet, dawg? Let's do this." Then my sister got real depressed about the state of the world. I stopped caring long ago.

-M

WTF Thom Yorke?

Word on the street is Thom Yorke is thinking about providing music for the next Twilight film, New Moon.

What the fuck kind of shit is that?

Seriously. That's like Brian Eno providing music for Grease part two. Seriously. Gay.

It was also news to me that Radiohead's "15 Step" played over the closing credits for the first film. That just makes me want to smash my face into a cinder block. That just makes me want to throw up all over your head, sir. Why? Why are Radiohead doing this to me? This shit will not stand.

Hopefully Thom Yorke can pull his head from his ASS and just say no.

-M

I Feel Dirty

So there's this dude I hang out with. His name is... um... we'll call him JD. Yeah. Well, JD is married to this chick, named.... HD. HD controls JD's very existence. JD can do nothing without HD's say so. Now, this isn't exactly a terrible thing. JD isn't all that smart. He wastes his money and pulls stupid stunts all the time.

HD has this thing- she won't allow pornography in the house. So JD has this plan. He'll use me to order his porn. He'll give me the money, then I order out of some porno catalogue. From the list he gave me, he seems to like the whole MILF thing. I guess I'm supposed to just bring the porno to work with me and hand it to him there? Or do I bring it to his house? He's gonna get caught. No doubt about it. He's already been caught with pics of other girls on his phone. When HD discovered this, JD was beaten. He often gets beaten by HD. He's like a dog or something. He keeps pulling the same shit and he gets getting beaten down. He never learns. I feel like I shouldn't help him, but it's sort of funny. In a sad way.

Fuck my life?

-M

Why Japan is Awesome

This is why Japan rules. PETA can fuck itself, as far as Japan is concerned. So can people who don't like tentacle porn. Fuck EVERYBODY.

-M

The Ballad of Black Tony

Hey dudes. Maynard here. Haven't written in awhile. I seem to sleep less and less these days... :(

Anywho, so I'll tell you more about Black Tony. This one time he told us how he and his friends would play in junkyards when he was a kid. They would find used syringes and fill them with water and spray them at each other.

Then he and his friends would cut the tops off the cars of drug dealers, so the drug dealers would look like they have convertibles. Then they would take the car tops down to a creek and float down it.

The end.

-M

inFamous Vs. Prototype

Alright, so we beat prototype and it kicked ass. The story was good, the game play was great but the city does feel a bit stale. A lot of the buildings look the same and the map could have been put together better. They say its New York city but it just does not feel like it. But I did like watching it change with the infection and seeing everything go to hell was pretty funny. The best part about this game was the game play. Being able to shape shift by consuming people was really fun but the best part was using the claws to rip everyone apart. The story was pretty good but a bit hard to follow at times because everything seems to happen so fast sometimes you just don't know what the hell you are doing. But over all its good. I like the web of Intrigue but I think it's a bit odd that they just have these people just walking around you don't even need to play the story to find out what happened you can just wait for them to turn up as you're murdering people. One thing I hated is how everyone on the streets looks the same so you can really only turn into like 10 people.

All in all i think i would give this game an 8 out of 10. I really wanted it to be better but the city kind of bugs me. It just does not look that good and everything looks the same, even the people. The story is good, but hard to follow at times like I said, so much is going on that you forget whats happening but all in all it is a really good game.




Ok, so I beat InFamous a few weeks ago and was really shocked. I knew it would be good but I did not think it would kick as much ass as it did. The story was great. It blew me away. I never saw it coming. The game play was pretty cool. You have alot of electricity based powers that are alot of fun to play with. Some of them are a bit hard to use if you want to play as a good guy because they will murder everyone around you. But it's still pretty cool. The city looks really nice but it's not that big and most of the buildings are pretty small, but that's not really a bad thing. If they were huge they would be too big for you to scale, so it's nice and it looks great. The player movement looks a bit weird to me. I mean, if you walk you look like some gay dude or something. And when you try and turn you have to hold your arms all weird like a gay dude or something. So I did not like that so much. It takes away the feeling of being a bad ass. Another thing is just about every bad guy you face in the game (apart from leaders) are the same in every gang. The smaller ones have guns, then you have a few with some super powers. They all act the same but it's still fun to murder them.


I think I'm going to have to give InFamous a 9 out of 10. It just feels like it was put together better than Prototype. But I did like the gameplay in Prototype better than InFamous just feels like they took more time to work out their shit. The city looks better and feels more real and the story is better.


But murdering people is funnier in Prototype.

Anyways so I guess InFamous wins but feel free to give your point of view.


-L

Shutter Island

Here ya go, ya fuckin' cawk suckas. Seriously. Leonardo DiCaprio is so weird. Sometimes he's incredible (The Departed, What's Eating Gilbert Grape?) sometimes sort of terrible (Gangs of New York, Titanic, Celebrity) then he does stuff like The Aviator, where he would be good, if, you know... he seemed anything at all like Howard Hughes. Why is Scorsese sticking with this dude? Seriously, no one except for Nic Cage does worse accents than DiCaprio. Still, this movie looks... interesting. Scorsese does Hitchcock? And Jakie Earl Haley looks fucking awesome (for the two seconds he appears on screen). So. Looking forward to it, sort of.

-M

For No Reason

I've been meaning to write a couple of blogs lately. First I was gonna review Wilco's new album, Wilco {The Album}, but the thing was so boring and uninspired that, well, I've forgotten everything about it. I can remember bits and pieces of the songs, but everything else is a blank. I sort of have a rule about writing reviews for albums until I've heard it at least twice, so I guess it'll have to wait. But I really don't feel like giving it a second chance. The things I do for you people...

Also, me and Lando are gonna do something about video games. InFamous vs. Prototype. Which is the Game of the Summer? Dunno yet. We still have to beat Prototype. Until then, enjoy this random bullshit picture we found. Full of Win, say I.

-M

Futurama Returns

26 new episode to air in 2010. Thank God. With The Simpsons being what it is, Family Guy sucking like hell ever since season 2 or 3 basically, South Park still being a shell of it's former self and King of the Hill being canceled, we need great animated series like Futurama. Can't wait to see what they come up with.

-M

Charlie Returning To Lost?

The new ABC promo:



Personally i think he is going to be joining another ABC show. Make up your own mind.

-Bada.

I Love Black People

Howdy kittens. Maynard here, to update you on some goings ons.

I figured I'd tell you a little about work. Or rather, this incredibly weird dude at work. I won't use his real name because he's black and if he finds out he might shoot me. I don't know. We'll call him Black Tony.

Black Tony is about 50 years old, 300 lbs and a former drug dealer who spent 8 years in prison. For dealing drugs, you see. Anywho, so this dude is weird. Really weird. He always has these insane fucking stories that he tells us out of nowhere. We were in the break room awhile back, watching CNN talk about a plane crash I think, so he tells us a story about how about 10 years ago he was living in these apartments. He lived upstairs and below him lived two homosexuals. One day Black Tony heard a commotion downstairs. He left his apartment and saw the two homosexuals stabbing each other with kitchen knives. He sat and watched them try to kill each other for a few minutes. Then they tried to fight their way upstairs. So Black Tony grabbed a bar from the railing on the stairs, pull it clean off the railing with his bare hands and said, "You best stay the fuck down there, man!" Then some old lady came out of her apartment to see what was going on. Black Tony said "Ma'am, you best just go back on inside." Of course, because she was old, she just sat there watching the fight (even though Black Tony himself was doing the exact same thing.)

Next thing Black Tony knows, the two homosexuals had taken their fight outside and had managed to smash into his car, ruining his driver side door.

Then he was telling us how he was living in these apartments one time and he smelled smoke. He looked all over his place, but nothing was on fire. He follows the smell of the smoke out into the hallway. The entire hallway was covered in smoke. He noticed the smoke was coming out of another apartment. He broke into the place and saw that the fire had started because some drunk or drugged out dude had been trying to cook smoked sausages and for some reason had set his frying pan on his mattress. We all assumed Black Tony was the one who sold him the crack, but whatever, Funny story.

Black Tony is also quite learned when it comes to world events. For instance, he knows people all over the world (especially Africa) are starving. Black Tony has a solution. And I quote- "I always be watching them nature shows on t.v., and they always show them antelope running around. Well- shoot em'. Solve world hunger right there."

Perhaps my favorite Black Tony moment came the other day during lunch break. He was telling me how his bosses are racist against him and blame him for everything. He then told me, "It's just like Lando. Lando comes in here everyday and they tell him to do this or to clean that, but at the end of the day, Lando is still Lando. And they don't like that."

You know for a fact that if Lando is someone's beacon of hope then that person has serious problems. Drug related problems. I want to make a show out of this guys life. Seriously.

See you next time, young'ins.

-M

R.I.P Jay Bennet

For those not familiar with the name, he's a musician. He was a member of Wilco, back when Wilco was the best band in America. He left the band in 2001, just before Yankee Hotel Foxtrot came out. With the last two Wilco records (Sky Blue Sky and Wilco (The Album)), it's become pretty apparent that Bennett was the driving force behind the band. Things have not gone well for him recently (just a month ago he sued Jeff Tweedy for royalties owed to him), but still, the dude was a musical genius and he deserves to have a bit more renown that he has.

-M

Two Weeks

First contender for Song of the Summer. Also, serious contender for Video That Will Freak You Out the Most When High.



-M

NBA Draft, for Your Pleasure

It's that time of year again, folks. The only thing an Indiana Pacers fan has to look forward to every year... THE NBA DRAFT!!

Of course, the Pacers still managed to fuck that up. If it's obvious that you're not going to make the playoffs, you start tanking games. Indiana fans are smart. It's not like the 8 or 9 of us that's left are going to get all pissed off that you're losing these games on purpose. We're hip to whats down. You lose as many as you can, and who knows? Maybe we could have got Hasheem Thabeet. Instead we're going to get the 13th pick. Awesome. Here comes Austin Croshere part 2.

1. Clippers. Blake Griifin will go number one, but here's the thing- the Clippers don't need him. In fact, he may hurt them. They already have Zach Randolph. He's not as good as Griffin, but NO ONE will take him in a trade. His contract is too big. So I really wouldn't be surprised to see the Clipper's trade him, painful as it might be to them. But they could get a great point guard for him. Or a decent guard/center combo maybe. I think doing that is better than having Rudolph and Griffin in a power struggle for the 4 position.

2. Grizzlies. If they don't pick Hasheem Thabeet, they're morons. Sure, Rubio could be great, and so could James Hardem or Jordan Hill, but these guys need size bad. Thabeet won't be putting up monster 40 point games or anything, but he'll protect the paint and knock people around a bit. They need toughness and any other pick from them is plain stupid.

3. Thunder. Ricky Rubio. These guys could become serious contenders in a few years. They're making really smart draft moves recently and Rubio could be just another piece of the puzzle. The only problem here is they have a solid up and coming point guard in Russell Westbrook. Although I'm sure he could move to the shooting guard position, if need be. If you don't go for Rubio (who is probably the most entertaining point guard in the draft. Maybe the most entertaining player in the draft, period), you go for a big man. Jordan Hill might do well for himself here. But I don't see Rubio falling out of the top three.

4. Kings. Ouch. They were supposed to get the top pick. So falling to number four, which to a Pacers fan would be a dream come true, has to hurt like hell for Kings fans. But it's not all bad. They can still draft Jordan Hill. He'll be a nice fit for the Kings. Maybe not a superstar, but certainly a nice building block.

5. Wizards. James Harden. He'll be a great compliment to Gilbert Arenas, if Gilbert is still alive next year. If not, hey, you still have James Harden. I think he's going to have a good career in front of him.

6. Timberwolves. Tyreke Evans. The T'Wolves need some help with small forward, and Evans is being "slept on", as the blacks say. He's a top five talent, getting him this late in the draft will be a bargain.

7. Warriors. Jrue Holiday. The Warriors need a point guard and Holiday is the best available at this point. He can lead this team into the future.

8. Kicks. Stephen Curry. It'll happen pretty much no matter what. I don't know how well Curry's game will translate into the NBA, but it won't matter. He'll almost certainly be a Knick next year.

9. Raptors. Dejuan Blair. It looks like Chris Bosh is on the way out. May as well get a bad motherfucker like Blair to replace him. If I were them I'd draft him and focus on sending Bosh somewhere in return for a nice scoring guard. Build for the future, Toronto.

10. Bucks. James Johnson. I don't know a lot about this team. Seems to me like they need help all across the board. I figure they'll go with Johnson cause he'll be the most talented big man left at this point, but really they could do anything and draft anyone and it wouldn't surprise me.

11. Nets. Jonny Flynn. Nice point guard. Could be a solid player for a long time to come. Could do well with the Nets.

12. Bobcats. DeMar DeRozan. They need a scorer after trading Jason Richardson, and DeRozan has a ton of potential. They'll be jumping for joy if this dude falls this far. A lot of people are saying he could go in the top five.

13. Pacers. Ugh. I have no idea. Jarret Jack turned out to be better than I expected, but he could be on his way out this year. T.J. Ford is great and all, but he's injured too often. If we go for a point guard, we should go for Eric Maynor. Not my dream choice, but I think he could be a solid player and a nice fit for this team. But there's also the fact that we badly need an athletic big man. Troy Murphy is good on the boards, but we need someone who can kick some ass in the paint as well. If they go for the power forward they need, I'd say maybe Gani Lawal. But drafting him this high seems extremely unrealistic. Fuck it. They should draft Ty Lawson. End of story.

14. Suns. I think Steve Nash's best days are behind him. Draft for the future and get a good point guard. If the Pacers draft Maynor, draft Lawson. If the Pacers draft Lawson, get Maynor.

Well, that's how I see it going down, sports fans. Let's hear your thoughts on the subject.

-M

Locke=Fucked

I don't know how much of a review this will be. I can't promise this won't just turn into a rant. Cause I'm sort of pissed. Anyone who knows me will know why I'm pissed.

It's like they pulled the rug out from under us. Which I'm sure the writers think is a good thing, but not this time. They've pissed in the collective eyes of their fans.

John Locke, as I've said before, is the best character in any medium from this decade. We've watched him go from a pathetic sad sack loser to a hero who everyone can relate to in one way or another. After season four, I was upset. They just fucked with him all year and then killed him in the end. But season five Locke? Holy shit! He was kicking ass and taking names. He was serving up heaping helpings of "Fuck You" to anyone who looked like they needed a delicious taste (i.e. Ben). I can't tell you how satisfying it was.

Then came this last episode. We all knew something was up. It's Locke, after all. He can't be allowed to be happy too long. Every single season has ended with Locke either being dead or making a huge mistake. I just couldn't wrap my mind around what was up. The one thing I did know was that by the end of the episode, Locke would probably be back to his old failing ways.

This twist, for the average viewer, would have been awesome. The writers should probably take it as a compliment that they've created a character so many people are emotionally invested in. But when we found out that this new Locke wasn't Locke at all, I wanted to put my foot through the screen. How could they do this? From a story telling point of view, it was cool, but I'm beyond caring about the story when it comes to Locke. I just wanted him to be happy. He's had such a shitty life, with one failure coming after the next. Even Richard said he didn't seem all that special. Yet we all held out hope. We KNEW Locke was special. He just needed to get there. Now? It seems he was just a puppet all along. He's still dead and some evil dude has taken his form just to kill Jacob.

The one thing that keeps me going is knowing that the writers of Lost are not stupid people. They know what they've done. And surely, if they didn't know before they know now that the fans will not sit back and let the most beloved character from one of the most beloved shows of all time keep getting fucked over like this. It's as simple as this- they now have 17 episodes in which they have to figure out a way to make millions of angry Locke fans happy. And the only way to make us happy is to give Locke the happy ending he deserves. Good luck.

And now for the rest of the episode.

First off is the ending. Evil Not Locke (or as the blogsphere is calling him, "Esau"... read your Bible to figure that one out. It sort of makes sense, really), Ben and Jacob. Obviously this Esau (probably not his real name, by the way. His name will probably be Bob or George or some shit) can't kill Jacob for some reason. "The Rules" and all. I guess it was the same reason Ben wasn't allowed to kill Widmore. But Esau had a plan. He may not be able to kill Jacob, but Ben could. This scene was probably the most interesting of the episode. First off, I was never completely sure Jacob could be killed, or even harmed. I was wrong. Ben stabbed the shit out of that motherfucker. And Michael Emerson is a fucking great actor, isn't he? I've always liked Ben, but I've never really felt sorry for him until this scene. Kudos to Emerson for making Ben's pain and anger seem to genuine.

Mathew Fox also did a great job as Jack in this episode. If there was one scene that could compete with the scene I just mentioned, it was Jack vs. Sawyer (or maybe the drive by, which was hilarious). That whole thing was awesome and awesomely hilarious. Sawyer is a sucker punching bitch. But even after that, Jack managed to put him down. So Sawyer kicked him in the bag and hit him with a stick. Fight like an adult Sawyer, you prick. I'm glad Juliet died. Speaking of Juliet, it was hilarious when she showed up telling Sawyer to stop. Jack staggering around in the background gave me a fit of the giggles.

Also, I've never cared for her character. For awhile now we've been teased with the fact that someone major would die in this episode and that the death would be very emotional, like Charlie's death. Frankly, if Juliet is in fact the one who died, I don't care. She was slightly interesting when she first came into the show, but she was so aggressively annoying that I just couldn't get into her. Then for the past two seasons she's been nothing but a background character who occasionally says something halfway important. But mostly she was just a cardboard cutout. I know some people liked her (and who knows, maybe she isn't dead after all?), but I think her potential was wasted.

Fuck it, I'm done with this. Here's my end of the season thingy.

Best episode- This Place Is Death

Worst episode- The Little Prince

Most overrated episode- 316

Most underrated episode- The Lie

Best performance of the year- Terry O'Quinn, This Place Is Death

Best character- Daniel Faraday

Worst Character- Juliet

Five Questions I need answers to-

1. Is Locke dead? Or rather, will/can he come back to life?

2. Is Jacob dead? Will/can he come back to life?

3. How did Jacob and Evil Not Locke get their powers?

4. How will Hurley end up saving everyone's lives? Cause you know it's gonna happen :)

5. Who will Kate pick- Jack or Sawyer? Just kidding. God, I hate her so much.

-M

My Life Come to Life

Or come to painting. My life is this painting come to life. That's it.

Gladiator 2

Gladiator was an awesome movie. But after it ended, everyone was asking the same thing- "When's the sequel coming out?" Just kidding. No one was asking that cause the star of the movie dies at the end (SPOILER!!) But apparently Russell Crowe asked Nick Cave (of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds) to write a sequel. And apparently the sequel, while it will never be made, was actually going to be sort of awesome. I took this synopsis from Gone Elsewhere. It's a long read but worth it.

"EXT. Dark Wilderness, a storm rages. We follow two thieves as they stumble across the body of a Gladiator lying in the mud. They strip it of its armor and weaponry. One of the men suddenly goes silent; a large spear is embedded in his spine. As the other man flees, he turns to see the dead Gladiator rising:

It is MAXIMUS…gasping for air, frantic and disoriented.

A middle-aged man steps out of the shadows to assist. He introduces himself as MOREDECAI. He says that he’s been waiting for Maximus to arrive since watching him die in the Coliseum yesterday. Maximus says that he has no time for riddles. Mordecai responds that he has all eternity.

Cut to: Maximus makes his way through a wheat field, his wife and son (MARIA and MARIUS) stand beneath a giant poplar in the distance. A storm hits, heavy rain obscuring his vision. A fantastic bolt of lightning strikes the poplar. He violently awakens. Mordecai approaches and explains that there is something he needs to show him.

As they walk, Maximus stresses that he must locate his family. Mordecai tells him that there are those who search and those have given up the search. Over eternity, the former eventually become the latter. They approach the edge of a cliff…

Beneath them in the valley: an encampment bordering a pitch-black sea, filled with the infinite numbers of the damned, stretching endlessly to eternity. They descend.

While making their way through the camp, Mordecai breaks up a fight between two women. He’s something of a peacekeeper here. In return for his services, the Gods allow him to return to Rome (in spectral form) for brief visits. In the midst of their conversation, the crowd explodes with excitement. In the distance: a lone man glides along the darkened sea on a small boat. Thousands pour into the water shouting “Elysium!” as the boat disappears into the fog. Mordecai pronounces them fools for believing there is any escape.

The two make their way to a massive, ruined temple near the encampment. Maximus enters and finds the Roman Gods (Jupiter, Apollo, Pluto, Neptune, Mars, Mercury, and Bacchus) who mock his predicament. Still, they offer a deal: their brother, Hephaestos, has run off to the desert filled with bad ideas. He is gathering apostates/fanatics and slowly amassing a power greater than their own. As a result, they’ve aged…grown weak and diseased. They want Maximus to seek out Hephaestos and kill him. In exchange, they will reunite him with his family. Maximus bolts out of the temple without saying a word.

Mordecai warns him that the Gods are lying. He can not be reunited with his wife because she sacrificed her place in Elysium to allow their son to cheat death. Marius was resurrected and returned to Earth (specifically Rome) where he lives out his days. As for Maria…she could be anywhere in the netherworld, but will never be found.

Maximus refuses to listen and heads off. In the desert, he has a vision of his wife. He gives chase as she leads him to a bloodied, dying stag entangled in brambles. He attempts to free it, but the animal’s wounds are too severe. Maria’s voice pleads “help us” as the stag takes its final breath and dies in his arms.

Maximus locates Hephaestos’ camp to find it completely abandoned, save for the man himself. Left for dead by his followers, Hephaestos explains that the masses have lost faith in the Roman Gods. As result, they’re dying. There is only one true God and their time has rightfully passed. Maximus asks about his son. Hephaestos stresses that he is in great danger and needs his father’s assistance. As they lock eyes, the Gladiator is transported…

…back to the world of the living. Maximus rises out of the body of a dying Christian is the midst of a massacre in Lyons. It’s a mob scene, dozens of Christians being beaten/hacked to death by The Emperor’s forces. Seeing an elderly Bishop on the verge of being slaughtered, Maximus grabs a weapon and beings hacking away at the attackers. He’s overwhelmed by the crowd and restrained. Before the killing blow is delivered: an unseen voice orders a stay. 25-year-old LUCIUS (Connie Nielson’s son from the original) approaches. Lucius asks the rebel his name…he has seen him before. Maximus does not answer, but pleads for the Bishop’s life to be spared. Lucius responds by nonchalantly decapitating the old man. He orders the guards to kill Maximus, but he manages to escape.

Down the road, he encounters two men (PETER and MARCUS) who ask for his help. He follows them to a sanctuary where their leader (IRENAEUS) gives Maximus a brief history of their predicament: Lucius and the Emperor seek to put down Christianity…to wipe it from the world. The Christians need help in alerting their Rome-based leader (a schoolteacher named CASSIAN) that the Empire is on the verge of locating him. Maximus refuses and heads off in search of his son.

Along the path to the city, he finds a family of butchered Christians. He’s approached by the ghost of Mordecai who explains that his failure to kill Hephaestos has resulted in permanent banishment to Earth. Maximus seems unconcerned by this. After arriving in Rome, he checks into an inn where several folks seem to recognize him…

At the palace, Emperor DECIUS scolds Lucius regarding his bloodthirsty methods. Lucius defends himself by explaining that (in his mind) their empire is dying. Plague, famine, earthquakes, the great granaries of Rome destroyed by inundations…all result from the anger of the Gods. The Christians mock their divinity and must be destroyed. Their leader must be found. The Emperor reveals that a census is being taken. Anyone who is Christian will be arrested and be provided with an opportunity to recant. If not, they will be put to death in the Coliseum in a spectacular fashion. “The people will be entertained”.

Meanwhile, a large gathering of Roman Christians discuss aforementioned census. Several propose standing up and fighting back. Maximus enters: tells them its suicide. They ask who he is; he responds that he was once a Roman soldier. One of the men steps forward: “You served the devil himself”. It is MARIUS, who proposes killing the intruder. They share some heated words before the gathering is broken up. Maximus rages to Mordecai that his own son does not recognize him.

We find Lucius walking the halls of the palace. He passes the bust of certain famous Roman General and halts in his tracks. A haunted look crosses his face.

Maximus locates the Christian leader, Cassian and offers his help. Cassian apologizes for the actions of his student, Marius, last night. His adopted son has a hot temper on occasion. He relates a tale of how he found Marius alone in a sick ward as a little boy, no parents to speak of.

Maximus heads back to the inn to find a pack of groupies. “He walks!” they exclaim. One of the gathered is JUBA (Djimon Hounsou’s character). They embrace, drink and catch up…Juba listens, dumbfounded. He presents Maximus with a gift: the totemic figurines of Marius and Maria buried at the end of the first film. He recently retrieved them after learning that the Emperor will be flooding the Coliseum for a match involving alligators. Maximus thanks him. We cut to Lucius torturing a family to uncover Cassian’s identity.

The next morning: Marius walks through the city. He’s confronted by two young men who mock his faith. As the confrontation turns physical, Maximus steps from the shadows and beats the attackers to a pulp. Father and son have a nice conversation in which Marius compares Maximus to the Apostle Paul: a violent man who converted after hearing Christ’s voice, becoming God’s chosen instrument. The two speak of their families: Marius discusses his birth father’s constant absence. Maximus describes the pain of leaving his wife and child, particularly his son…Marius.

Marius arrives at school just in time to see Lucius and his men enter. They announce their intent to arrest the Christian leader. Seeing a fish necklace on Cassian, Lucius rips it away and delivers a nice bit of dialogue:

LUCIUS
You are students, are you not? Scholars? Learned young men? Then, answer me this: Does Rome stand deep-fixed and deathless as in the time of the great Caesars? No. I think not. Does she prowl the world, hungry and fearless and all-power? Again…I think not. Do the Gods sit mighty and well-pleased in the Heavens and bestow on her, her just rewards? No and again, no…I think not. Rome weeps and this little fish swims in her tears. A fish…a little fish…hidden around an old man’s neck. The earthquakes that have ripped this mighty empire asunder…charge this little fish. The infernal plagues and disease? The hellish pestilence that ravages our land? Charge this little fish… The diabolical rage of the Gods? I say again…CHARGE THIS FISH. And charge the one that wears it! The man here spits n the eyes of the gods themselves! He is the enemy of us all!

Lucius stabs Cassian to death . Marius escapes and heads directly for Maximus, asking for his help in creating an army. Several short training/recruitment scenes follow. Later, Maximus and Lucius have a brief face to face meeting (short excerpt follows):

LUCIUS
Forgive me, Maximus, but I am confused…about many things. As a boy…as a little boy…I watched a Roman General who became a gladiator bring down the very heavens upon his foes. When he died, I stood by my other and we wept, and all of Rome wept with us. He was a solider…a great warrior. Yet, he stands before me now. How can this be?

MAXIMUS
Do not despair. You will see the heavens some tumbling down again.

We cut to The Coliseum, teeming with thousands of cheering Romans. The grounds are completely flooded with several ships battling hundreds of alligators with fireballs and arrows (note: did Cave ask Michael Bay for guidance on this?) Lucius speaks with the Decius and informs him that the Christians are forming an army under a resurrected Maximus. The Emperor gives permission to crush them.

Maximus’ army heads for the forest. Father and son share a brief conversation: the truth of their relationship is unspoken, but seemingly recognized by both.

Lucius and an army of hundreds approach. A massive battle ensues. Lucius kills Juba. Enraged, Maximus cuts Lucius to pieces. As readies to deliver the killing stroke, Lucius drops his sword and seems to accept his fate: “Only at your hands, Maximus”. An arrow then explodes through Lucius’ neck, fired by Marius. A storm hits, the heavens explode with rage. Marius falls to knees and bellows: “Oh lord what have we done?” Maximus kneels as well, rubs dirt between his fingers.

We intercut the following with shots of the dying stag from earlier in the film:
- Middle Eastern Battlefield: Maximus stands surrounded by hundreds of Crusaders as they battle a Muslim army. Everyone dies around him, only Maximus remains untouched.
- Europe: Maximus battles tanks in World War 2.
- Vietnam: Maximus battles Vietcong with a flamethrower.
- The Pentagon, Present Day: Maximus washing his hands in a men’s room sink. He stars at himself in the mirror…reflecting. Mordecai stands behind him…whispers: “Until eternity itself has said it’s prayers.” Maximus exits; proceeds into a large war room containing a dozen men in suits.
- The edge of a black hole: Maximus commands a futuristic, 3-story tall space suit. The machine’s giant titanium claws grip the side of a planet-size starship. Maximus leans back, kicks off the hull and simultaneously opens fire on 10,000 amorphic creatures as they bear down on him. (ok, I made that last one up)

Fade to black."

I would pay 10 dollars to see this movie. This movie sounds better than the first one. Can we start a petition to get this made?

-M

So... Wilco

How about those Wilco dudes? I love'em. Sort of.

We have a strange relationship, to be sure. Their first album, A.M., was a somewhat forgettable album. It had some good songs but it wasn't a masterpiece. Being There was an almost masterpiece. It's the album where they really just went for it. It wasn't a perfect album, but it was thrilling to hear a band stop giving a fuck and really shoot for greatness.

Summerteeth was one of the more interesting albums of the 90's. Before this one they were a alt country band. With this one... they turned into a darker version of The Beach Boys. And it was awesome.

Yankee Hotel Foxtrot I can't even describe. If you haven't heard that album you don't know what you're missing. Go listen to it now and hear the best album of this decade.

Then came A Ghost is Born and that's where things started to go sour. I enjoy the album very much, but it has problems. First is "Spiders (Kidsmoke)". The earlier version of the song had it as a beautiful acoustic song. Slow and sad. The album version turned it into something different altogether. Not that the song it turned into was bad, but it just felt like they messed with something that was almost perfect and turned it into something lesser. Why mess with something so good if the outcome isn't going to be as good as the original? Then there was that song near the end of the album that had 12 minutes of noise at the end. There was no need for it. The album just felt like it had a bunch of needless experimentation.

Then there was Sky Blue Sky. And that was the worst, most boring album they ever made. Aside from "Side with the Seeds", the album doesn't have a single song that could stand next to their greatest works. Mostly the album was filled with songs like
"Hate It Here", which was just a throwaway Dad-Rock song.

So now they've got this new album called "Wilco (The Album)". I'm not sure what to think. The album's name is both boring and bland, yet kind of funny and self deprecating. The first song is called "Wilco {The Song)". This is a song I've actually heard before and I really disliked it. But come on. Wilco being funny? I'm intrigued yet treading lightly at the same time. The only other song from the album I've heard before is "One Wing", another song I found boring. So who knows? So far I sort of like the way they're going with this whole "humor" thing, but I've not been a fan of the songs I've heard. It's pretty rare to find a band like Wilco. I love them yet now, whenever I hear they have a new album, I tread with caution, not excitement. Like, am I happy they have a new album? Is it just going to be more Dad-Rock songs? Are they still doing the alt country thing like on Sky Blue Sky, or are they heading back to the sonic wave length like on Yankee Hotel Foxtrot? Or are they up to something new altogether? We'll find out, but right now I'm not entirely sure I want to.

-M

Everybody Loves Desmond

Lost, baby!! Damn, this season has been a monster roller coaster ride, eh? Sure, there have been some glaring continuity issues (remember when Jack said that Locke told him lots of bad things happened when he left the Island and that he needed to go back to save everyone? Turns out that never happened...)

But one thing is for sure, everyone loves Desmond. He's about the only character on the show, besides Hurley, that everyone loves. Everyone is on his side. Everyone except this lady who is suing him for sexual harassment. From TMZ.com-

"According to a lawsuit filed today in Los Angeles Superior Court, Chelsea Stone claims that while working on the show, Cusick placed his hand on her buttocks and caressed the back of her body while making moaning sounds.

She also claims Cusick 'placed his face on top of [her] breasts, moving his face from side to side.' He then squeezed her breasts with his hands."

Smooth. That's how I get laid all the time. I thought big famous actors were supposed to have more game than that. He moved his face from side to side? Like in shaking his head no? Like he was touching her but fighting his inner demons at the same time? I guess the demons won. I dunno man. Why didn't her lay some smooth Scottish lines on her?

"You know what the best part of taking a shower with a 16 year old girl is?"

"What?"

"When her hair gets wet she looks 14."

"...What?"

(Grabs breasts and shakes head from side to side)

-M

Hitler.

Funny shit.

-Bada.

Lessons from Frankie

Frankie Teardrop is a legend in his own time. Just ask him. He's one of the baddest and best looking motherfuckers of all time. He's a sage warrior. A manic poet.

He's also chalk full of advice. I'm going to pass some of his words of wisdom on to you, faithful reader. Enjoy the realness.

1. Never spend and entire day eating and smoking and drinking beer and then smoke some pot. You'll throw up.

2. Simon and Garfunkle suck. But it's also cool to drive around blasting "The Sound of Silence".

3. The best way to do a push up is to pretend you're having sex.

4. It's always important to make friends with foreigners, that way when shit goes wrong they can be blamed for it.

5. Asian men are sexually inadequate.

6. The best way to pass a drug test is to say you have kidney stones. Then when you have to pee in the cup, just pee a little, then give yourself a nosebleed and somehow get the blood in the cup with the urine, then clean yourself up, then give them the pee. You might get sent home from work.

7. Every single movie ever is better when high. Like "Troll 2".

8. Puerto Rico is just Mexico, except and island version of Mexico.

9. Killing dogs senselessly is hilarious... okay, I made that one up.

Anywho, I love Frankie Teardrop. Everyday is a new adventure. A racist, pot fueled adventure. Truly a man of his time.

-M

Fuck This Rollercoaster

I'm gonna go buy a slushy now. Enjoy the "Realness"

-M

Flop-A-Mania.

So it was Wrestlemania time again. This was my take on it:

Money In The Bank Ladder Match.

CM Punk v Mark Henry v Mvp v Finlay v Benjamin v Kingston v Christian v Kane.

This match was pretty poor and seemed to fly by quickly. In my opinion it's stupid putting Mark Henry in a Ladder match. Anyway CM Punk won Money In The Bank once again. -YAWN- Why have the same wrestler winning Money In The Bank again. Complete pointless. I don't really like Christian or Mvp but why not give them a title match?

Then Kid Rock performs, which last about 10 minutes or just under. Utter crap. They could of added the 10 minutes of the shit what was Kid Rock to actually make a decent Money In The Bank match.

25 Diva Battle Royal.

This was a complete joke. Santina dressed up as a woman. Wins the Battle Royal. What a joke.

Elimination Match.

Chris Jericho v Roddy Pipper, Jimmy Snuka & Ricky Steamboat with Ric Flair.

Another reason why the WWE sucks so badly now. They keep bringing back the ancient people who are past it. It was completely obvious that Jericho would win and he did win the match. Then Mickey Rourke got into the ring and danced about like he was a boxer and punched Jericho in the face. BORING! So predictable.

Jeff Hardy v Matt Hardy.

This was probably the 2nd best match. Ladders, Chairs and Tables were involved. I was pretty pissed though because Jeff laid Matt on a table outside the ring and then put another table on top of the table that Matt was lying on. I thought to myself, get the Ladders out and jump from the top. Instead he only got on the turnbuckle and jumped on the tables. It was pretty cool though what Jeff did next. He set up the two ladders in the ring while Matt was laying down on the mat. The smaller ladder was behind of the big ladder and he leapfrogged over the big ladder and did a leg drop but Matt moved out the way. In the end Matt Hardy won the match.

IC Title Match

JBL v Rey Mysterio.

The match lasted a whole of 21 seconds or something. I mean what's the point in making a match which lasts this long? Utter pointless. There entrances took up more time than the actual match. Rey won with the 619.

Shawn Michaels v The Undertaker.

Best match in my opinion. The only reason why it was so good was because of HBK. The Undertaker is just LAME. If it wasn't for HBK the match would of sucked big time. Anyway HBK kicked out of the Chokeslam, The Tombstone, The Last Ride also i think. HBK was kicking out of everything and reversing everything. Undertaker kicked out of the Sweet Chin Music, then eventually HBK tried to do a Lionsault move and The Undertaker caught him and gave him a Tombstone. Match over. Lame Taker wins. The thing that annoys me so much is that of all the wrestlers in the business, they give the Lame Taker an undefeated record. He's LAME. I hate him so much. He is never going to lose at Wrestlemania, it's a complete joke.

World Heavyweight Championship Match

Edge v Cena v Big Show.

Usually i think triple threat matches are decent. Not this one. It was utter crap. The best bit about the match was when Cena gave Big Show the Attitude Adjustment. Yes, that's right, his finishing move has been renamed. It is no longer allowed to be called the FU. For whatever reason i do not know. (Hadn't watched wrestling for a while before Wrestlemania). Anyway THE CHAMP IS HERE. Yeah, Cena won. So predictable again.

The Hall Of Fame members came out.

Then Stone Cold left, while the other HOF members were there. I thought to myself, how disrespectful. Then he came out on his little buggy/jeep thing and came down to the ring and started to toast beers. I guess he had to give the fans one last memory now that he has sold out and won't wrestle ever again.

WWE Championship Randy Orton v Triple H.

The rules got changed to who ever gets DQ. The other person would win the title. I thought something cool has got to happen then. I was thinking of a screwjob. I was wrong. The referee got knocked out and Triple H used advantage of the situation and gave Orton the Sledgehammer to the head, then Pedigree. GAME OVER. Pathetic last match.

Overall Wrestlemania was a total utter bull crap. A complete waste of money.

-Bada.

Take A Bow Son.

Kiko Macheda - A funny movie is a click away

:)

Trent Reznor... Funny?

track list:

1. intro skit
2. everybody's doing it (featuring chris martin, jay-z AND bono)
3. black t-shirt
4. pussygrinder (featuring sheryl crow)
5. coffin on the dancefloor
6. this rhythm is infected
7. slide to the dark side
8. even closer (featuring justin timberlake and maynard james keenan)
9. on the list (she's not)
10. clap trap crack slap
11. laid, paid and played (featuring fergie of the black eyed peas and al jourgensen)
12. feel like being dead again
13. still hurts (featuring alicia keys)
14. outro skit

This dude has been a dick for a long time. Nice to see he's got a decent sense of humor after all. That leather jacket and those sunglasses killed it.

-M

Where the Wild Things Are Trailer

Hot damn.

The Illest

I'm sick. Flu and viral pneumonia. Got a week off work though. I'm not sure what viral pneumonia is. How's it different from regular pneumonia? Either way I feel like I'm going to die. And the doctors were really weird. And there was this midget asking me questions :( I hate being sick.

-M

Tv Shows.

So i have noticed that on a lot of Tv Shows that i like, they seem to be killing a lot of characters off. I'm not even going to try and guess who.

Chuck:

Number of deaths: 1

24:

Number of deaths: 2 (at least)

Smallville:

Number of deaths: 2

Heroes:

Number of deaths: 3

Supernatural:

Number of deaths 1 (at least)

Lost:

Number of deaths 2 (at least)

Ghost Whisperer:

Number of deaths 1

Prison Break:

Number of deaths 2 (at least)

What the hell is going on here?

Bada.

Is This True?

'“In return for a pen holder carved from the timbers of the sister ship of the one the White House desk is made from and a first edition of a seven-volume biography of Winston Churchill, the Daily Mail is appalled that “Barack Obama, the leader of the world’s richest country” gave Brown a box set of 25 DVDs selected by the American Film Institute. These, it says, include Raging Bull, Casablanca, Psycho and The Graduate. It is, the Mail says, “a gift about as exciting as a pair of socks”.'

Just read this somewhere online so you know it's 100% true. Whoa. Whose gift is worse? A pen holder vs. 25 DVDs? Raging Bull was an awesome movie. I love the scene where Joe Pesci threatens to stab his son with a knife and then DeNiro barges in and beat the living shit out of him. 25 DVDs. That's hours on entertainment. A fucking pen holder? Worthless. Just put your pens on the floor and forget about them like I do.

-M

OH YEAH!!!

-M

Just One More

Okay, gonna lay off the racist stuff for awhile. But seriously, what the hell is this?

-M

Even More Racism

-M

Fucking Mexicans

I don't have a problem with Mexicans, but some of my Mexican friends do. Take my dear friend Paula. Yesterday at work, she say waiting and waiting for something very important. But when the Mexican fork lift driver finally brought it, he put it in the wrong place, far from where she needed it.

"Fucking Mexicans," she whispered, "FUCKING MEXICANS!!"

Made my day.

So what's new with you?

-M

Homosexual Madness

So I rent my big ass t.v. Yeah. And every week I have to go make a payment. The other day I went in to make a payment but no one was at the front desk. I could hear giggling coming from the back room... I sat at the front desk, listening to the giggling for a little while. I figured someone would come to help me in a minute or two. But no one ever came. So I followed the sound of the giggling as it lead me to the back room. The door was open. I peered inside. I saw the weird white guy that works there and the weird black guy that works there playing with a basketball. The basketball got away from the black guy and when that happened the white guy run up behind him and got him in a bear hug. It was beyond gay. I knocked on the door and asked, "Am I interrupting?" The black guy ran out of the room and to the front desk, while embarrassingly explaining to me that they were simply, "playing with that ball."

Sure man. Whatever. As I was leaving I noticed him hurrying back to his embrace. He wanted it bad.

-M

Obama bin Laden

Obama bin Laden... so, they've finally decided to use science to track black people. Awesome.


-L

God of War 3: Blood Harvest

Okay, I don't think it's actually going to be sub-titled "Blood Harvest", but come on. Now I have to get a PS3. And a girlfriend would be nice. A car, maybe. Fuck it.



-L

Radiohead>The Beatles

This is going to be a tough one. I expect to convince absolutely no one. But with this post, I will do my very best to explain why Radiohead has passed The Beatles for title of all time greatest band in history ever.

There's no doubt The Beatles are the more important band. The more popular band. The more successful band. I'm not going to argue that one. I'd lose. But just because a band is more popular doesn't make them better. Britney Spears is just about the most popular musical entity this past decade, but does anyone (except teenage girls and gay guys) really think she can compete for title of "Best" this past decade? Hell no.

Before we go any further I think I need to make it clear that I love The Beatles. I simply believe Radiohead are a better band. So if I say anything bad about The Beatles you'll have to forgive me because it's not coming from a place of hatred.

Okay, first let's start with impact. I know I said I couldn't argue Radiohead is as important as The Beatles and they're not. Without The Beatles Radiohead wouldn't exist. Well, so what? Without Brando, Pacino and DeNiro and Day-Lewis wouldn't exist (as far as their acting goes, I mean. I'm not suggesting Brando fathered all of them). I think an argument could be made that those three actors have surpassed Brando, but because Brando came first, he'll always be considered the best. Same with The Beatles. They were first so they'll always be considered the best. Whether or not a band is actually better doesn't matter to most people because they'll always throw out the argument that without The Beatles, said band wouldn't even exist. I hate that argument. It's too easy. Too simple.

Yes, The Beatles are the biggest influence in rock history, but let's not downplay Radiohead's influence. They're the most important band of the last decade. You can hear them everywhere. Coldplay, TV on the Radio, Arcade Fire, Travis, Elbow, etc. Even their contemporaries like Wilco have obviously been influenced by Radiohead. But I have to give this one to The Beatles. Everyone has been influenced by them, whether they know it or not.

But speaking of contemporaries, let's talk about that some more. The Beatles hit during the 60's. Most would consider this the greatest decade in musical history. It was a time when a band could be good and still sell records. It's hard to find any great bands nowadays selling millions of records. Today's musical giants are dominated by the likes of Kid Rock and Nickleback or whatever the hell people listen to these days. I think this makes Radiohead's mega stardom all the more impressive. I'd be willing to bet that the average person on the street couldn't name one Radiohead song outside of "Creep", yet their albums almost always debut at number one. If nothing else it proves how diehard their fans are. Their newer songs are rarely ever played on mainstream radio stations yet their one of the most consistent forces in popular music.

Of course their success can't compare to The Beatles. And The Beatles had to compete against the likes of Bob Dylan, The Beach Boys, The Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, etc. Ask anyone who the most popular and important musical entity of the 60's were and you'll get The Beatles. But come on. Look at that competition!! The HAD to be great because there were so many other great bands waiting to take their place. If Radiohead released a bad album, who could take their spot? Coldplay sell more records but does anyone think they'll ever be as good as Radiohead? TV on the Radio have the potential to be as great as Radiohead, but will they ever sell as many records? Radiohead are big fish in a small pond. The have no great rivals. (If anyone says U2 I will personally stick a fork in your throat. It's been over 20 years since they were really a great band). Sure, for about 8 years they had Wilco, but Wilco dropped the ball big time with Sky Blue Sky, and their best album (Yankee Hotel Foxtrot) was clearly inspired by works like OK Computer and Kid A. Not to take anything away from Wilco of course, who are a great band, but we're not hear to talk about them today.

Let's look for a moment at what each band has actually DONE. The Beatles started out singing songs about holding hands and secretly loving some girl. That's what was cool back in the early 60's. Radiohead started out much the same way, but in a grungier way. That was cool back in the early 90's. Then The Beatles started getting better, stronger, faster. Rubber Soul and Revolver set them apart from everyone. The songs got more complex. Deep. Stranger. Suddenly everyone else was struggling to keep up. This explosion lead to some of the greatest music ever. Brian Wilson has admitted for four decades now that Pet Sounds was directly influenced by the two albums I just mentioned. So then The Beatles released Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, The White Album, Abbey Road, etc. No mater what anyone else did The Beatles were simply ahead of the curve. The Beatles did it, then everyone else followed suite.

Radiohead have done a lot of the same recently. What would music today sound like if they never released OK Computer? Or Kid A? It's interesting how Radiohead have followed The Beatles formula so closely. Go from writing poppy love songs, then go for something more meaningful. Just look at how much they changed from Pablo Honey (guitar rock about being lonely) to Kid A (hardly a single song with any guitars in it). And look at how every other band has spent the years trying to catch up.

But here's where I think Radiohead tops The Beatles. Songs. The Beatles have some of the greatest songs of all time, but most of the time they seemed like they were just messing around. I like Yellow Submarine as much as the next guy, but seriously? Maxwell's Silver Hammer? Is it just me or does alot of their stuff sound, well... jokey? Like a novelty band. They rarely sang about anything of great importance. John Lennon didn't become the working class hero until after the band broke up. Radiohead have always tackled hard issues with no easy answers. Sure, sometimes they fall flat on their face, but at least they try.

As far as musicianship is concerned there is no debate. Radiohead easily tops The Beatles. The Beatles were all good musicians but Radiohead are all GREAT musicians. The Beatles had some complex songs but I would attribute a lot of that to their incredible producer, George Martin. Although I guess some could say the same about Radiohead and Nigel Godrich. But come on, could John Lennon ever lay waste to a guitar the same way Johnny Greenwood can? Could either Lennon or McCartney reach the vocal heights Thom Yorke can? Can Ringo Starr beat the shit out of his drums the way Phil Selway can? The answer to all these questions is no. As far as sheer talent goes, Radiohead is above the them.

Now on to the all important topic- albums. The Beatles have what many consider the have the greatest albums of all time- Rubber Soul, Revolver, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, The White Album and Abbey Road. Radiohead are no slouches either with The Bends, OK Computer, Kid A and In Rainbows all getting great ratings as well (I'd also consider Amnesiac as one of the best albums ever, but I know I'm in the minority on that one.)

Here's the thing, when Radiohead make an album, you know it's an ALBUM. The Beatles, a lot of times, seemed to just throw songs together. The White Album is the perfect example of this. What the hell was that album supposed to be? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy that album as much as most people, but is it really one of the best of all time? How? The majority of the songs are sort of nonsense with no rhyme or reason. Just random songs randomly thrown together. You can't find a single Radiohead album that has the same problem. Nearly every song is good/great (yes, they do have some clunkers), but you can tell their place on each album is put where it is for a reason.

Sgt. Pepper's is often referred to as the best album ever made. I love the album, but I don't see what everyone is talking about. Some great songs, but a lot of them are only is the "good" category. Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite? She's Leaving Home? Within You Without You? None of them are anywhere near great. Shouldn't a great album be filled with great songs? There are a few masterpieces in the album, which is more than most albums can claim, but still. Radiohead's best album, OK Computer, is the opposite. Name a bad song from that album. Hell, I even like Fitter,Happier. Of course it's a little ironic that Paranoid Android, OK Computer's most epic song, was inspired by Happiness Is a Warm Gun, from The White Album.

But this brings us full circle, right? Just because The Beatles did it first, does that really mean someone else can't do it better? Sure, when it comes to writing great melodies, no can can touch The Beatles. But when they really set out to experiment, they failed, while Radiohead excelled. What is Revolution 9 supposed to mean? Nothing. Such is the case with many Beatles songs. Yes, they have some classic, world changing tunes, but mostly they just seem to be funny little stories. Radiohead never mess around. Every time out they try to make a song mean something. Can the best Radiohead songs match or top the best Beatles songs? I would say yes, but many would say no. Can the best Radiohead albums match or top the best Beatles albums? I'd say they have already surpassed them. Nothing The Beatles have ever done is as good as OK Computer OR The Bends OR Kid A. That's because Radiohead is an album band, whereas The Beatles seem more like they write great songs and just throw them together with little care about how it would make the album sound.

But maybe this is a fool's errand. I know nothing Radiohead will ever do will change people's opinions about The Beatles. Hell, The Beatles did everything they did in under ten years, whereas Radiohead aren't far removed from their twenty year anniversary. Radiohead have been at it longer and have had more of a chance to explore their sound. I personally think much of The Beatles best work came after they broke up. John Lennon as a solo artist is better than John Lennon as a Beatle.

It's been roughly 40 years since The Beatles broke up and they're as popular and influential as ever. Radiohead's influence is still being felt today and they're still making music as great as they were ten years ago. I think Radiohead are probably just the next obvious step. The Beatles influenced the last 30 years and it wouldn't surprise me in the least to find that Radiohead are the most influential band of the next 30 years. Most musicians today would tell you they were more closely influenced by Kid A than by Abbey Road. Only time will tell if Radiohead will enjoy the same level of reverence as The Beatles. Certainly they're the most respected band of this generation. I personally think they're a better band, with better songs and better albums, than The Beatles. I think it's just that we're too close to Radiohead now. Wait till they hang it up and call it a day. Once they're gone, that's when people will really compare these two bands.

In 50 years, who knows what people will think? Maybe I'm ahead of the curve in what will one day be common knowledge ;)

-M

This made my day

Haha, eat it, you little bastard. Damn Obama is cool.

-M

Yesterday

Lando and I were driving around, keeping it super fucking real as usual, when we saw this white rapper looking guy. He was strutting around like he was the shit or something. Me and Lando starting laughing our asses off at him. We were all like, "YO, BOIIII!!"

As we drove up closer, we realized he was no white rapper guy, he was just a retarded person.

:(

-M

Random Racism

I love it when black guys are standing outside of some store and they try to sell you shit. They're always like "Excuse me, sire, can I interest you in some candy this fine evening?"

Awesome.

-M

Frankie Teardrop Jr.

I swear this kid has to be related to Frankie somehow. A conversation with Frankie is EXACTLY like the conversation in this video. "Is this real life?" Yes, Frankie, it's real life. Whether you want it to be or not.

Sports Related Nonsense

Sorry I haven't been keeping up on the sports front lately. I haven't been able to work up much enthusiasm. Colts lost a heart breaker to those fucking Chargers again. Tony Dungy retired. Ugh... this season was just kind of boring to me. As much as I hate Tom Brady, I think I also need him playing to make things more exciting. The beauty of the NFL this decade has been Manning vs. Brady and this season was a letdown because they didn't get to go at it. But I'm really worried for our future. I don't know shit about our new coach. Most of our best players are really getting on in years now (just retire, Marvin), etc. I think we've got another good two or three years, but after that, who knows?

On to the NBA. My favorite sport. Too bad the Pacers are as bad as ever. But we do have one huge, gigantic bright spot and that is Danny Granger. This guy is fucking amazing. He's the second best small forward in the game right now, after LeBron James. I just hope the Pacers can build a solid team to surround this guy with in the next few years. And I know this will sound nuts, but I think they need to start tanking games. Maybe they already have. But I'd like them to get in a good position for next years draft. Get a good, healthy point guard like Ricky Rubio. T.J. Ford has been excellent when healthy, but he's hardly ever healthy, so... and how about that Jarret Jack? I knew he'd be a good addition, but I'm still pissed we had to lose Jarryd Bayless. And Bayless rarely gets played on his team anyways. So I'd love to get Rubio next year. Or Blake Griffin or Greg Monroe. That guy would probably be my top choice, now that I think of it.

Ah well. Screw it. I'm still guessing a re-match between the Celtics and the Lakers for the Finals this year, LeBron will win MVP in a cake walk. I'm already done with this season. I'm looking ahead to next year and the year after. Maybe the Pacers will be a contender again.

-M

Lost Season 5 Wish List

Lost is back, baby!! I love this show. But I think we can all agree that at times it has let us down (remember how awesome Sawyer used to be? And awesome is currently is not?) So here's my wish list for some things that I want, and want not, to happen in the upcoming season.

1. Make Locke cool again.

I love the mythology of this show. It would be the number one reason I tune in every week if not for one thing that I place above it, and that one thing is John Locke. Locke is by far the decades best character in any medium. No one character has been so compulsively watchable moreso than Locke. So you can understand why season four was sort of a drag for me. Let's do a quick re-cap.

1. Locke uses Charlie's death to gain political power over the group. He splits them in half because he feels they will be safer with him, but he did it in an underhanded fashion.

2. Locke acts like an overbearing dick.

3. Ben fucks up Lockes shit, Locke looks stupid.

4. Pretty much everyone that went with Locke died.

5. Christian tells Locke someone's got to move the island.

6. Locke dies.

Lame. So we know one thing Locke's got coming this season- his fucking death. So... things are not looking up. I just want to hold out hope though. I mean, it's not like he can be worse than he was last season. Hopefully season four was just a growing phase for Locke and whatever capacity he has this season, he'll kick ass in that capacity.

2. Enough of this love horseshit.

I don' give a fuck who Kate ends up with. No, don't let me be misunderstood now. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO SHE ENDS UP WITH. And most of the hardcore fans don't care either. Any major dude will tell you the worst part of Lost is that horrid love triangle. Or quadrangle or whatever the fuck it is. Kate could have been a cool character. But her girlish wavering has made her so tedious... just let it end. End it this season. I just can't handle it anymore.

3. It's titled "Lost", not "Ben".

Look, I love Ben as much as anyone. Last season was his season, baby. There's not a better villain on t.v. (if he IS a villain... okay, he pretty much is. But I don't think he's 100% PURE evil.)

But enough is enough. Ben should not be the centerpiece of the Lost universe. The more time they devote to Ben, the more they take away from Locke's or Jack's or Sawyer's importance. There has to be a balance. Season four was so far in the Ben zone that a similar season five would reduce someone like Jack (who USED to be the star of the show, mind you) to a secondary character. We get it, Ben's smart. Ben's always one step ahead. Ben's always got a plan... but what about everyone else? Let's get back to the old days, the way things used to be, where what everyone did effected everyone else, as opposed to whatever Ben does effects everyone, everywhere.

4. Hey, remember those freighters?

Those guys seemed cool, especially Daniel and Miles. Let's, I dunno... do something with them this season? I know they didn't get to be as fully fleshed out as they were supposed to be last season because of the writers strike, but that's the past. It's time for these characters to step up to the plate and really bring it. Besides Locke, I don't think there's a character I'm more interested in right now than Miles. So let's fucking get to it fast. I don't want to have to wait until the thirteenth episode or whatever to get to see more about him.

5. Locke.

Seriously. Don't fuck up with Locke.

-Maynard

Where the Wild Things Are

Stumbled across these new pics of the Where the Wild Things Are movie. Spike Jonez is fucking awesome, right? This movie was supposed to have already come out, but it's been pushed back until October of this year. Apparently they had a screen testing sometime last year and it freaked a bunch of little kids out. Word on the street (I am very familiar with the word on the street, keep in mind) is that the monsters were just too fucking scary for little kids. I think they look pretty fucking cool. But whatever, it's like I always say- "Kids don't know shit. They don't even have jobs!!"





-M

REVIEW: Slumdog Millionaire

It's hard not to start this review off by citing the overwhelming love this movie is feeling. It's the front runner to win the Oscar for Best Picture and Director. It's on every major critics top ten list for best films of 2008 (and in many, many cases, it's actually their number one film of the year)

Frankly- I don't get it.

I won't get into the plot much, because there's really not much there to begin with. Jamal is a poor kid from the slums of Mumbai India. He's currently a national phenom because of his performance on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Jamal is one question away from winning the ultimate prize. How'd he do it? He cheated. Not really. But everyone seems to think he did, so the story is told in flashback, revealing how he came to simply know the answers.

And it's bullshit. The coincidences get bigger and more absurd as the story progresses. Jamal knows who invented the revolver because he saw some dude get shot by one? Bullshit.

I'm not a cynic. I loved Forrest Gump, and the coincidences in Gump are at least as absurd as those in Slumdog, but the difference here is the writing. Gump was funny. Gump gave us characters we cared about. When something completely unbelievable happened in Gump, at least they made it funny and charming. Slumdog has no charm. Slumdog has some of the flattest, least lively characters you'll see in a film this year. Dev Patel's portrayal of Jamal is so dull and lifeless one can't help but wonder either A) Why was this kid chosen for this movie? or B) Why was an entire movie based on this character? I don't know who's the blame- the actor or the writer? The answer is probably both.

The worst part of the movie is by far the love story. You see, the whole reason Jamal is even on the show is so the love of his life, Latika, will see him. He's trying to find her, blah blah blah. Won't get into it. But basically, these two have zero spark. They seem more like a brother and sister than two star crossed lovers. And you can't help but wonder what Jamal sees in her anyways. It's not like they know each other all that well. They knew each other when they were kids, but after that they barely ever see each other. I can understand him wanting to save her from her horrible situations, but love her? He doesn't know her anymore. And she knows even less about him.

But none of that matters, cause Love Conquers All. They love each other because they love each other. That might be good enough for some people, but after they get together at the end (and I don't think that counts as a spoiler, since everyone knows how it's going to end anyways... did I mention how utterly predictable this movie is?) I couldn't help wondering, "Now what? After a month these two people are going to be sick of each other. But Latika will stick around for the money."

So the acting and writing sucks. But there are a few good points. Nice cinematography (despite the fact that anytime it shows them in the slums they completely rip off City of God), some fancy editing (which also looks a lot like City of God's editing... this movie is City of God-lite), etc. But techs can only take a movie so far. At the end of the film you're forced to face the facts- this is just an unbelievable fairytale with boring characters and a paper thin love story.

5/10.

-M

CAT IN ZERO GRAVITY!! CAT IN ZERO GRAVITY!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!


Science run amok.