Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Story of My Life
Lando, Big T and I were driving home from work the other day. On our way home, we drove by a soccer field full of babes. Big T and I were scoping them out. Totally trying out our lines on them for when we drove by. As we got closer, we realized they were 7 year olds.
-M
-M
Monday, August 10, 2009
Freaks
Freaks, man. They flock to me. I've only really noticed in the last year or so. Weirdos surround me. They love me.
"Big T". 5'3" Peurto Rican. Husband to a drug dealer. Soldier in two America wars/conflicts. Erratic speech patterns.
JD. Spastic man-child covered in hair. Husband to an abusive wife. Star Wars expert.
Donald. 40 year old virgin. I'm 90% sure he has some form of autism, and I'm not joking one bit. Star Wars knowledge rivaled only by JD and Frankie Teardrop. Nicest person I've ever met? To a scary degree, almost.
Frankie Teardrop. Recurring enemy to Maynard and Lando. Military fetishist. Star Wars expert. "Joking" racist?
Saucy Sally. Wife to Frankie Teardrop. Life's motto- "Smoke 'em if ya got 'em." Deep seething rageoholic? Or just high?
Black Tony. 300 lbs. black man. 50 years old. Big T's wife hit him in the face with a base ball bat 3 decades ago. Former big time drug trafficker. Served 8 years in prison. Tells the weirdest stories I've ever heard.
Blondie. A male. Walks like a robot, stiffly and without moving his limbs. Ultimate goal in life is to come over to my house and get high with me.
DL. Starts every sentence with either "'ey dawg," or "'eh man,". Currently serving a three month sentence in jail for drug possession, but he swears he, "'idn't do it."
Yeah. Those are the people who we hang out with. Then at work they brought me this trainee. Within an hour I know this freaks whole life story. He was "turning his life around. New house, new whore, new job." He told me that the place I used to work at was a place he started. He was the "first man through the door." He hired "half the techs that work there." He used to make a lot of the machinery that our shared current place of employment uses daily. His wife, 20 years his junior, got an abortion several months earlier, because her dad told her to. It "killed him." It hurt even worse because last year he lent the man 5,000$ "just like that. Never even learned what for." Ouch. Wow. Then he told me he liked the girls that worked there because they're "all whores and that's what I want."
Then he told me a story about how during his class to study the jobs they would be doing, he saw some chick staring at him. But he wasn't sure if she was staring at him or the guy next to him, he started rubbing his crotch while staring at her face. She watched him for a second and then saw him staring at her, and she quickly turned her head. He laughed like a bastard. Then he told me he likes working hard and being covered in sweat. Like, I swear he said that.
:|
So how have you been, dears?
-M
"Big T". 5'3" Peurto Rican. Husband to a drug dealer. Soldier in two America wars/conflicts. Erratic speech patterns.
JD. Spastic man-child covered in hair. Husband to an abusive wife. Star Wars expert.
Donald. 40 year old virgin. I'm 90% sure he has some form of autism, and I'm not joking one bit. Star Wars knowledge rivaled only by JD and Frankie Teardrop. Nicest person I've ever met? To a scary degree, almost.
Frankie Teardrop. Recurring enemy to Maynard and Lando. Military fetishist. Star Wars expert. "Joking" racist?
Saucy Sally. Wife to Frankie Teardrop. Life's motto- "Smoke 'em if ya got 'em." Deep seething rageoholic? Or just high?
Black Tony. 300 lbs. black man. 50 years old. Big T's wife hit him in the face with a base ball bat 3 decades ago. Former big time drug trafficker. Served 8 years in prison. Tells the weirdest stories I've ever heard.
Blondie. A male. Walks like a robot, stiffly and without moving his limbs. Ultimate goal in life is to come over to my house and get high with me.
DL. Starts every sentence with either "'ey dawg," or "'eh man,". Currently serving a three month sentence in jail for drug possession, but he swears he, "'idn't do it."
Yeah. Those are the people who we hang out with. Then at work they brought me this trainee. Within an hour I know this freaks whole life story. He was "turning his life around. New house, new whore, new job." He told me that the place I used to work at was a place he started. He was the "first man through the door." He hired "half the techs that work there." He used to make a lot of the machinery that our shared current place of employment uses daily. His wife, 20 years his junior, got an abortion several months earlier, because her dad told her to. It "killed him." It hurt even worse because last year he lent the man 5,000$ "just like that. Never even learned what for." Ouch. Wow. Then he told me he liked the girls that worked there because they're "all whores and that's what I want."
Then he told me a story about how during his class to study the jobs they would be doing, he saw some chick staring at him. But he wasn't sure if she was staring at him or the guy next to him, he started rubbing his crotch while staring at her face. She watched him for a second and then saw him staring at her, and she quickly turned her head. He laughed like a bastard. Then he told me he likes working hard and being covered in sweat. Like, I swear he said that.
:|
So how have you been, dears?
-M
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