Happy Halloween, Y'all

It's Halloween, people. And you know what that means. That means Australians don't get to celebrate it. They also don't get to celebrate The Fourth of July or Thanksgiving and they don't believe in nothin'. So anywho, here's a kind of supposed to be scary video shown on CNN a long time ago. Turn the sound up to hear everything you're supposed to hear (sounds like some kind of pig, some weird growling and a woman crying to me, along with the baby crying and screaming. Good stuff.)

Jim Part 2: Dead by Dawn

Oi, chowdaheads. Maynard here bringing you more of Da Good Stuff.

So remember Jim? Bad father, bad person, bad everything? I still know the guy, turns out. Not that I want to, but what are you gonna do, eh? I have to leave my house sometimes. But actually I've been wanting to see him lately, and I'll tell you why, my friends, I'll tell you why.

Because he owes me money.

Actually, I just realized that like 4 people owe me money. But whatever.

So Jim owes me some money. And he's owed it to me for like a month. But everytime I try to see him, he takes off before I can get near enough to grab him and beat the money from his corpse, or his mother makes up some excuse for him. But the other day he bought this new freezer that was too heavy for him to lift. So, after about a month of avoiding me, he sent his son to my place to ask me and Lando to help him move the behemoth (even though it was small and not heavy)

So me and Lando strut on over to his place and we see one of his 8 year old sons running around in the back yard in nothing but his underwear. It's fucking October, Jim. Bad parenting. So anywho, he gives me some song and dance about people ripping him off and that's why he hasn't been able to pay me. That's when I give Lando "The Nod of Judgement." So we start to lift his freezer up his back porch, and Lando somehow or another manages to push the freezer onto Jim's legs, crushing them. Jim screams out (much like a woman) and says "TAKE IT OFF!! PUSH IT OFF!!"

Now, I never thought Lando would actually do anything. But he is so much like a child that he thought Jim wouldn't get hurt or something. All I know is that is was funny.

Jim then gave us some food (which we threw away when we got home) and said he'd have my money on Thursday. I would have Lando go around to all the people that owe me money... and maybe some unfortunate accident befalls them, know what I'm saying? But here's the shocking twist ending... Lando himself owes me 28$

:(

anonymous

ok you IDIOTS! i just found out why no one is leaving us any comments for the kick ass work we have been doing :<


let me tell ya son its because you dont even know HOW! look here all you need to do is go to comments see?


and then click on anonymous at the DAMN bottom of the page and then do the little code thing it gives you

now leave a damn comment MOM!

Top Ten Baddest Motherfuckers of All Time

So I'm starting a new thingy here. My Top Ten lists. Since this site and it's creator (face it Lando, this is my baby) are so bad ass, I figured the first post in this new venture should also be about bad ass characters. I guess some of these people are real... I dunno. You read. You read now.

10. Charlie from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Charlie actually may be the nicest and most kind hearted of all the members of The Gang. When that chicks grandfather died, he was the only one who actually felt sorry for her loss. And his undying love for The Waitress is sweet (not that I'm gay or nothin'.) So whys he on the list? Cause Charlie is also the most awesome of all the characters from IASIP. Like the time he lied about having cancer just to get his friends to pay The Waitress to sleep with him? What's more awesome than that? Or the time he showed up kind of drunk to an AA meeting? Or the time he robbed his own bar, only to be shot in the head? Charlie is awesome. Plus he always sings funny songs, and funny songs get you a long way in my book. No they don't, actually.

Baddest moment- Lying about having cancer.

Best quote- "Ohh, excuse me for being the most terrible man on the planet!"



9. John Locke from Lost. Locke used to be in a wheelchair. This was unbearable for a man like Locke. Why? Because Locke loves to blow shit up. Luckily for him, his plane crashed and it somehow healed him, allowing him to blow shit up for the past 3 seasons. He blew up The Hatch (after he blew up the Hatch door to get inside the Hatch), he blew up that submarine, he killed that Naomi chick,... he's awesome. Plus he's far and away the best character on the best show on t.v. That's why he's bad ass, bitches.

Baddest moment- Killing Naomi...but for a good reason, of course. Locke's not evil.

Best quote- "I'm on my own journey, now."



8. Alex DeLarge from A Clockwork Orange. Alex is a teddy boy. Or whatever. He's a young man from a futuristic England (the future sucks in England I guess. Instead of CD's and mp3 players, they just have tiny tapes). But anywho, Alex finds ways to have fun nonetheless. Like, raping women and beating up rival gang members. And listening to Beethoven.. Alex goes through a huge transformation throughout ACO. He starts out evil and cruel, then after a crazy experiment, he can no longer have any of these violent urges. So he's good, but not because he wanted to be, but because he has no choice. Then the movie ends and he's back to crazy again. Alex is bad ass because... well... I like the way he talks. Right right.

Baddest moment- Alex and his gang of droogs beat up another rival gang after they attempt to rape a woman. Alex doesn't care about what they were trying to do, he just hates those guys and wants to fight them.

Best quote- "I was cured alright."



7. Holden Caulfield from The Catcher in the Rye. Holden is a sad, depressed, retarded young man in the late 1940's, who goes on a magical adventure. Actually, he wasn't retarded, although he was dumb, and his adventure wasn't magical. Although he did get a hooker, and then her pimp beat him up (he didn't do anything with the hooker, he was too scared). Holden has had a huge impact on American society since the 1950's all the way until now. Everyone can relate to him. Sadsack, no friends, lives in his own world. You're just like that and you know it. Holden is bad ass because he's just like you and me, and we're bad ass. Or at least I am.

Baddest moment- Crying on the floor after the pimp hits him. Not really "bad ass", but it was funny.

Best quote- "Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody."



6. Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver. Travis is a lot like Holden except, like, 10x further gone. He's a complete loner, a gun nut, and morally bankrupt. Kind of. He doesn't mind killing people, or being a racist, because deep down he "knows" he's doing the right thing. Which involves killing people, and being a racist. What makes him bad ass? I dunno. I like the way he dresses. And goes crazy.

Baddest moment- Saving Iris, which involves killing people and wearing a mohawk.

Best quote- "He called you a little piece of chicken!" (He, Sport, never called her that)



5. Vegeta from DragonBallZ. Vegeta is a "Bad Man". You can tell because in one episode he wore a pink shirt that he wrote "Bad Man" on the back of. Plus he destroyed planets and millions of lives and stuff. But in the end he became a good guy. Kind of. He started a family because he believed this was the secret to Goku's power. Vegeta basically wanted nothing more than to kick ass and take names. And that's why he's so bad ass. Except that he could never beat Goku, but whatever. Goku ain't bad.

Baddest moment- Probably when he destroyed that entire planet. But to be fair, the planet was full of monster looking people.

Best quote- "Is it for a man, or a woman?!"



4. Lil' Ze from City of God. Lil' Ze might be the most hilarious bad guy ever. Or he is to me at least. On the one hand, he's a psycho. He'll kill women, children, old people, it doesn't matter. On the other hand, he's totally insecure and petty and childish, not to mention bit of a cry baby. He doesn't know how to talk to women and seems to be scared of them. When his rival is arrested and his picture gets put in the paper, Lil' Ze becomes jealous that his picture or name never appears in the paper. The best scene in that whole movie is when Rocket, the star, by complete accident, gets Lil' Ze's picture in the paper. Rocket thinks he's a dead man and that Lil' Ze will be out to kill him now, but Lil' Ze is happy because having his picture in the paper means people "have finally understood who's the boss around here." Gosh, I love that movie so much. Lil' Ze is based on a real guy. I don't know how accurately they portray him in the film, but I want to hang out with this dude. Too bad he's dead...

Baddest moment- Making that little kid (Steak n' Fries) choose which one of his friends he kills

Best Quote- "You wanna dance with me?"



3. Frank Booth from Blue Velvet. Frank is one of the sickest fucks in cinematic history, and that's why he's awesome. Who else would have the courage to kidnap some chick and her family, cut the husbands ear off and basically get into hilarious hijinks like that through a whole movie? Only two people- Frank Booth and me. But they won't let me in the pictures :(

Baddest moment- Beating up Jeffery, and kissing Jeffery, and wearing lipstick all at the same time. Or...you know... the first time we get to actually meet him.

Best quote- "I'll send ya a lover letter...straight from my heart, fucker. You know what a love letter is? It's a fucking bullet from a fucking gun, fucker."



2. Ash from the Evil Dead Trilogy. Ash is one of the biggest smart asses ever. He's always ready to crack a terrible joke at just the wrong time, and that's why he's a bad "mofo". Plus he fights evil and gets chicks like it ain't no thang. And he had a chainsaw attached to one arm. So.. awesome. Plus he works at a store calles S-Mart. And he could never remember the words ^_____^

Baddest moment- Cutting off his own evil hand.

Best quote- "This is my BOOMstick."



1. Max Fischer from Rushmore. C'mon, who's cooler than Max Fischer? Nobody, that's who. Max is a huge prick. He ruins people's lives, double crosses everyone and basically spits in everyones face... all in the name of love. And that's why he's so awesome. And he's only 15. Also, he reminds of this guy I know named Patrick. Patrick wants to be some sort of government guy, and so does Max. But both like to fuck around a lot. Patrick, if you read this... get off my site. And I love you.

Baddest moment- Shooting that Scottish kid in the ear with a BB gun, then offering him a part in his new play.

Best quote- "I'm gonna stick a knife in his heart and send him back to Ireland in a body bag."


There you have it sucka's. The most bad ass bad asses ever. From me to you.

my friend loves bad people

remember my friend? the one who i hate and who i keep thinking had died because he avoids me because of the bad things i say about him? he loves wrestling. i bet one of his favorite wrestlers is batista. batista is a horrible person, judging by what he has to say about his ex-wife in his new book "I Am Batista" or whatever it's called.

"Now, don't get me wrong, my ex-wife is the love of my life and I would never knowingly hurt her. However, while I was busting my butt on the road like a dog, she would sit around the house and do nothing. I mean, yeah, she had cancer, but she couldn't vacuum? And since the chemo made her "not in the mood", I had no choice but to have threesomes on the road. I mean, she's talented and I hated to see her waste her life like that when she could be a dancer, or maybe a nurse. But she's not a bad person and I take full responsibility for my actions, even though it was her fault."

plus i heard that he's got a grandkid. how do you feel about your possible hero now, unnamed friend? how foolish you must feel. wait until i find you. wait until i get my hands on you. im going to bust your ass.

-L

Dumbledore was a homo, turns out.

Aw, GAY!! Remember those Harry Potter books? Yeah. So, remember Dumbledore? That really powerful guy with all that stuff he could do? Turns out he liked boys, according to J.K. Rowling.

Rowling held some sort of gay meeting tonight in some gay place, where she told the audience that Dumbledore was gay and fell in love with his friend Gellert Grindelwald. Which is retarded.

It's also disturbing. Makes you wonder why Dumbledore liked Harry so much, eh? It makes since now. Plus, now we know why he liked to dress so flamboyantly. I've always said they should re-write the books, but tell them from Ron's pathetic point of view, but now I think I'd like to see Dumbledore's point of view instead.

"Dumbledore stared at Harry longingly. Harry noticed. 'You starin' at me bum, mate?' asked Harry jokingly. He didn't know how right he was..."

tacky drawing

i just found this and i know its something maynard must have made cause i would not waste my time on shit like this


its so childish



i believe maynard is the cowboy seen above

Random updates from Hell

Sorry we haven't been updating much. Well, I mean we have, but nothing good. So here's some stuff we've been up to.

Well, we're painting stuff. We painted a house yesterday. Actually it was more like an apartment. Like a townhouse/apartment. Lando kept taking breaks. And he spit root beer all over my shirt. On purpose.

I might be house sitting for my aunt and uncle next week. Well, he's not really my uncle. He's this guy that married my aunt. I think I've mentioned him on here before. Probably not.

I still really want to see There Will Be Blood. I called it last January that Daniel Day-Lewis would win an Oscar for that movie. So if he actually does, everyone will be all like "Dayyyyyum, you da man." I also called that The Departed would win Best Picture back in December of 2004. Then, over two years later, it did win Best Picture. Sometimes I am so amazing I can't stand to be around myself. No one seemed to be impressed by that except me. But whatever.

Hey, look at this

So I might be going to a Halloween party. Or not. I don't like parties to be honest. Plus those lesbians that stole my car are gonna be there maybe. I got my car back by the way, but the brakes are messed up on it. That's a lesbian for you. How are lesbians and walruses alike? They're both fat as shit. Oh, and it's a truck, not a car. I'm no fag.

Tornado's touched down in my town last night. So that's fun.

So now you're updated on what's happening. Stay in touch.

-M

^_________________________^

Japanese people are cruel and hilarious.

Lando is sad, funny.

Yeah, so, me and Lando were moving this couch/futon thing and he got it trapped in the doorway and I couldn't get in the room. So then he yelled "GET IN THERE!!" at me. And then his pants fell down :) And I laughed at him.

Of course, he thinks this makes him cool or something. Like a smartass or whatever. Whatever, man. At least it was only me around. If it had happened to me, you can bet there would have been like, 30 chicks around to see it.

Lando's pants fell down.

funny stuff

ok so i have not posted a new blog in along time it seems so i thought i would let you all know that i have not killed myself (yet)


i have been stuck in a place for a few weeks and did not feel like doing this. but on my trip i did hear a funny story about a funny little someone and a thing they did with their funny little hand!


it seems this someone farted on their hand and tried to get someone they knew to shake it!


but this someone was seen in the act of putting there hand over their ASS and when asked about it they said "i did that so no one could smell it"


and said nothing about why they wanted the other someone to shake their fart hand. also, this person is my niece that i told you about and she is like 3 years old i think and she cries if you mention this story ^__________^ the person she tried to get to shake her hand was my other niece.


well i dont have much else to "blog" about but i thought all my fans would like to hear this funny little story


i love you all so much

-lando

REVIEW- Radiohead "In Rainbows" by Maynard

NOTE: There has been no album art revealed yet for this album, so I'm using this. It's Funny. LOL!! >:~D

So...alright. After over 4 years, Radiohead (AKA The Greatest Band of All Time) have released a new album. They've been working on it for over 2 years and many people (myself included) thought it wouldn't see the light of day until next spring. But Radiohead has always been full of surprises, and not even 2 weeks ago, Jonny Greenwood let the world know that the album would actually be released independently on Oct. 10 through their InRainbows website. Of course, fans went apeshit (in a good way). But that wasn't the big news. The big news was that fans could pay whatever they wanted. I chose to pay nothing, because I know I'm going to buy it once it's released in stores anyways.

Of course, "The Man" has been freaking out since the news. And that's what makes Radiohead so cool (high five)

So anyways, in all the hubbub, people seem to forget the most importnat thing- Radiohead is releasing their first new album in over 4 years. So, the only real question is- how is it? I'll tell you...

It's good. It's really good. I hate to jump the gun, because I haven't heard this one nearly as much as I have the others, but I'm gonna say it's the best since OK Computer. Months before it was released, the band had somewhat compared the two albums. I thought this was a bit of a cop out. OK Computer is considered by more than a few people to be the best album ever made, and comparing their new one to their best one seemed like they were trying to make it sound better than it actually is. And they were, a bit. In Rainbows isn't as good as OK Computer, let's get that straight right now. But it is better than Hail to the Thief and possibly better than Kid A and Amnesiac. I'm going to give it a few more listens to really let it sink in before I go and say something like it's better than either of those 2 albums. Even though I just did a second ago.

But I can understand why they compared it to OK Computer now. It has actual songs, for one thing. With melodies and guitars and strings and stuff. These guys have toned down the experimentations a lot. Some people will love that. I liked the experimentations myself. But whatever.

One thing is for sure- this is the most relaxed and self-assured the band has ever sounded. "House of Cards" is by far the most mellow song these guys have ever done. It's like, easy listening. It's incredible to think this is the same band that once wrote songs like "Paranoid Android" listening to that song. It's the same guy, but he sounds like a whole new person. He almost sounds romantic in songs like "All I Need" and "House of Cards", and Thom Yorke is no fucking romantic. Like I said, he almost sounds like a whole new person.

Speaking of whole new, check out "Nude". It's a song that dates back to the mid 90's, for fuck's sake. I've heard a few different versions of it, and I was terrified they'd fuck it up when they finally decided to record it. I was wrong. It turned out better than we had any right to expect. But really, the whole album did. "Reckoner" is completely different, but I like this version better. Same with "Jigsaw Falling Into Place", which has been slowed down so much I wasn't sure if I had got the right song or not. "Weird Fishes/Arpeggi" is a song I never wanted messed with, and when I heard this version I wasn't sure if I liked it. But I have to admit now, this new version is better. And like most of the songs, it sounds much more upbeat then previous versions. There isn't a bad song on here and it's been years since you could say that about a Radiohead record. And for the record, "All I Need" is the song of the year. I'll pay the 15 bucks just for this song alone. And as we all know, Radiohead usually saves the best (or the near-best) for last, and "Videotape" is no execption. It kinds of reminds me of "Motion Picture Soundtrack", and if you don't know that song then you need to get the fuck off my site. Yorke finishes the album by singing "Today has been the most perfect day I've ever seen", and I think that sums up the New Radiohead. I don't want to sound gay or stupid or whatever, but I've been following this band for my entire adult life and through most of my teen years, and it's just really nice to hear these guys sound cheerful for once.

I'm gonna give this a 9.5 for now. It may go up, it may go down. And if I may be so bold, I'm gonna call this one of the top 3 Radiohead records so far. Buy it when you get the chance.

Best songs- All I Need, Videotape, House of Cards

Oh, and get this- In Rainbows sold 1.2 million copies in one day. All off of one website. Who says they need a record contract? (But of course, I bet most of those people didn't pay a dime...wink wink)

Men are better than women

This warms my heart. Today, Warner Bros. president of production decreed that Warner Bros. is "no longer doing movies with women in the lead."

Thank God.

Look, I like looking at chicks while I'm hiding behind stuff as much as the next guy, but I'm not gonna shell out 8 bucks to watch Hilary Swank look like a man and then die or Whoopi Goldberg become the head coach of the Jew York Knicks. What do I look like to you? Some kind of idiot? You're the idiot, mate, watching those movies.

Surprisingly, some lesbian is upset. Gloria Allred. She said- "“When movies with men as the lead fail, no one says we’ll stop making movies with men in the lead. This is an insult to all moviegoers and particularly women. It is truly unfortunate that women get blamed for decisions [that] are made by men. Instead of taking responsibility for their own lack of judgment about which scripts to make, directors to hire and budgets to OK, some men in the movie industry find it easier to place blame for their lack of success on women leads. [They will] exclude talented female actors from top employment opportunities in Hollywood in favor of macho males. If that studio confirms that their policy is to now exclude women as leads, then my policy would be to boycott films made by Warner Bros.”

To which I reply- Go fuck yourself. I'd like to see you write a movie. I did it once with Lando. It was an awesome script and it almost got picked up, but we put a woman in the lead and that's why no one wanted it. So fuck you.

Anywho.... 100 bucks the average movie goer doesn't even notice Warner Bros. has stopped making movies with women in the lead. No one cares about any of this. No one cares about anything.

-M

Kevin Everett is going to be OK, son, he's going to be OK....

I wonder if they fired someone for this.

Radiohead to release new album, fuck over fans.

Alright, remember how I said Radiohead probably won't release that new album of theirs until Spring? I was wrong. Turns out they're going to release it via digital download on their website on Oct. 10. Or you can pre-order that shit and get it sometime in December, but it's like 80 dollars. But you get the new album, some vinyl stuff and a bonus disk. ORRRRRR, you can wait until next year, when they will release it in stores. Or something. All I know is that they've named it "In Rainbows" and that is by far the worst title they've ever given an album. Worse than "Pablo Honey"

Plus, I've heard different versions of most of the songs they've put on this sucker. I'll buy it just for "All I Need" alone. But they've also got "Nude", which has been around for, like, 10 years already, but it's never been recorded before. Or if it has I haven't heard anything about it. "15 Step" is a good one too and it also made the final cut. I'm kind of confused though, because it's two disks, but I think the first disk is the actual album, and the second disk is just bonus songs that we're recorded at the same time as the album, but they're like, leftovers or something. Why couldn't they just sign a one album record deal with Epic or Capital or whoever and save me from this headache? Bastards of the Earth!!

Either way, since they've decided to make it so hard for me, I'm going to make it hard on them and just download the bastard for free. Even though I could do that on their site. If you do the digital download thing, they let you pick the price. I'm picking 0 dollarydoo's.

Either way, it's Radiohead, and if you're not down with that, you best get to steppin'.

-M