Top Ten: Movies of the Decade

That time of the decade, folks. Best of the Decade lists and such. Starting off with my lists of the best movies from this decade.

10. Master and Commander
9. I Heart Huckabee's
8. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
7. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
6. There Will Be Blood
5. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
4. Punch-Drunk Love
3. City of God
2. The Royal Tenenbaums
1. Lost in Translation

Also rans: Wall-E, Up, Where the Wild Things Are, Memento, The Squid and the Whale, Let the Right One In

Top Ten: Songs of 2008

Here we go-

10. "Eraser" by No Age

9. "Sec Walkin'" by My Morning Jacket

8. "Inní mér syngur vitleysingur" by Sigur Ros

7. "Frankie's Gun" by The Felice Brothers

6. "Vox Celeste" by Deerhunter

5. "Dinosuar on the Ark" by Esau Mwamwaya & Radioclit Are the Very Best

4. "Dancing Choose" by TV on the Radio

3. "Nothing Ever Happened" by Deerhunter

2. "OMG!!! FMV!!!" by Fake Male Voice

1. "Crying" by TV on the Radio

Yeah, it was TV on the Radio's year.

Now go download this shit until I feel un-lazy enough to try to post them on here myself.

Worst song of the year is either "Highly Suspicious" by My Morning Jacket (who are usually a great band, really), or "So What" by Pink. I'll let you decide that one.

-M

Top Ten: Vocalists

Maynard here to share with you the musical goodness. Here's my list of top ten vocalists. Keep in mind this is all just my opinion.

10. Marvin Gaye. Best Vocals: Sexual High (Radiohead mashup... cause it's awesome)

9. Nick Drake. Best Vocals: Fly


8. Bob Dylan. Best Vocals: Subterranean Homesick Blues


7. Jeff Mangum (Neutral Milk Hotel) Best Vocals: Two-Headed Boy Part 2 (I know Mangum's voice isn't very strong, but it's very affecting. And this is a great song, although this video makes it hilarious)


6. Klaus Nomi. Best Vocals: The Nomi Song


5. Tunde Adebimpe (TV on the Radio) Best Vocals: Blind


4. Jim James (My Morning Jacket) Best Vocals: Mahgeetah


3. Jeff Buckley. Best Vocals: Lover, You Should've Come Over


2. David Bowie. Best Vocals: Heroes


1. Thom Yorke (Radiohead) Best Vocals: Life in a Glass House
(really any of Radiohead's songs could have been used here... but this is my favorite Radiohead song and the video has lots of Star Wars stuff... I like Star Wars)

Honorable mention to Maynard James Keened of Tool- Maynard James Keenen (Tool) Best Vocals: Stinkfist


-Maynard

Top Ten: Characters That Should Be on Lost

Okay, so by now you know that I love Lost. Best show on t.v. But could it be better? That depends on a few things. If you love the characters more than the plot than the answer is probably "Yes". I love the plot and everything as well, but face it- you wouldn't care a bit about all the mysteries if the characters were boring. We need or Lockes and Bens and Jacks to keep us interested. And so I decided to think of ten more characters, from movies and television, that would add to the shows overall greatness (well.. I got the idea from the Lost boards on IMDb... but they didn't come up with ten characters like I did. So fuck them.)

Also, feel free to add your own.

10. Mr. Eko- Okay, this one is a cheat since he was already on the show once. But they killed him!! And I know he asked to be written off the show and everything, but just imagine how awesome he would have been during season four. Damn man... I wish he were still around.

9. The Bride from the Kill Bill movies- She'd have an interesting back story at least. And she'd be a hell of a lot more interesting/entertaining than all the other females castaways. One of the reason Ana-Lucia is my favorite female member from the show was that she wasn't useless. She could kick some ass if she needed to. But The Bride could do it 100x better. It would have been fun to see her interact with all the other characters on this show. Ah well. I don't see her dying.

8. GOB Bluth from Arrested Development- I was going to put Tobias but I think GOB would be funnier if trapped on a magical island. He is a magician after all. Plus he's got such low self esteem... it would be funny to watch him try to pick up the ladies (with his magic), insult/embarrass them, then go cry in the jungle only to have Locke come out of nowhere and give him a little speech. This would help GOB to get his confidence back, then go out and repeat the whole process, all while not lifting a finger to help anyone do anything. He'd probably be dead by season 3 at the latest.

7. Bill the Butcher from Gangs of New York- Okay, so he comes from a completely different time, but still... it could be cool. After getting over the shock of the plane crash, Bill would quickly start recruiting. All white Americans are free to join his camp while all blacks, Europeans, Asians, Mexicans, Australians, Arabs (and anyone else I forgot) need not apply to join him. Then, after a few weeks and rallying the troops, he'd wage a full scale war against the dirty fucking mutts. He'd probably die really quickly. Unlike some of the bad guys on this list, I don't think he could hide his hatreds. I'd say a season one death would be most likely.

6. Brock Sampson from The Venture Bros.- Okay, so he's a cartoon, but fuck it. None of that shit on the island could happen anyways. Get over yourself. Anywho... how awesome would Brock be on this show? Unstoppable killing machine finding plenty of action and adventure (and ladies) on a magical island? Actually, now that I think about it, that might suck. He'd just murder all The Others in season one or two and then there'd be no show. Plus there'd be no power struggle between Jack and Locke because Brock would have been the clear leader from the beginning. Plus all the romance would have been taken out of the show because he'd get all the girls too. But still... those first few episodes would have been entertaining. I don't think he'd die at all on the island.

5. Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver- Think of the awkwardness!! He'd probably try to be a hunter and provider for everyone (or maybe just for himself). But then he, and everyone else, would realize he's from New York and doesn't know shit about hunting. So then he'd spend his time trying to protect Claire and Aaron. Only that was also Charlie's job and they'd get jealous of each other. Soon Claire would realize she'd need to start sticking a lot closer to Charlie once she actually got to know Travis though... that dude creeps ladies the fuck out. He'd probably die in season one by starting a fight with someone.

4. Clementine Kruczynski from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind- She'd spend her days on the island fucking (and fucking with) all the male castaways. Loving them one minute, hating them the next and then breaking down and crying for hours at a time. She'd probably be killed by the rest of the castaways in season two after everyone finally gets sick of her shit. Out of all the character's I've mentioned, I think she would actually be the most likely to have been a real character on the show.

3. Frank Booth from Blue Velvet- Think of the drama!! One of the craziest motherfuckers of all time trapped on an island with the rest of the castaways. How would he act? Friendly? Evilly? He'd probably pull some shit, like kidnapping Kate or some other chick, then when they got her back he'd be banished from the island and would spend the rest of season one trying to get on everyone's good side. Then he'd turn evil again, kidnap Claire and finally be murdered (by Charlie). FUCK IT!!

2. Ash from the Evil Dead Trilogy- Imagine the conflict!! He's a strong leader like Jack, he's a smart alec like Sawyer, he believes in all kinds of crazy shit like Locke and he's got a chainsaw for a hand. You just KNOW this motherfucker would be kicking ass and taking names. He could fight Jack for leader ship, fight Jack AND Sawyer for Kate's affections, then fight Charlie for Claire's affections, then go on adventure in the jungle with Locke or Eko, then come back and fight Jack and Saywer some more, then say something funny, then go to sleep. ALL IN ONE DAY!!. I don't see him dying in this show.

1. George Costanza from Seinfeld- Go ahead, try to come up with a better answer. You can't!! George Costanza being trapped on the Lost island is one of the best things anyone has ever thought of. He probably wouldn't be involved in the mysteries too much though. He'd mostly hang around the beach, trying to scam everyone out of their freshly caught fish. Or trying to get the best beach spot by telling everyone his horrible life story. Lying, complaining, stealing. Basically, he'd be useless. He'd be more than useless, he'd be a real problem for everyone on the island. But a hilarious problem. Although, truth be told, I couldn't see him living past season one or two. He'd starve. So yeah, he'd probably die... but hilariously.


Well, there you go. That's my list. In related news, I am in desperate need of an actual life :( :(

-M

Lost: Top Ten Questions

Lost was finally back last night and gave us, in my opinion, the best episode of the season. As always, they gave us plenty of answers but added plenty of new questions. Time to play- Lost: Top Ten Questions. For season four. So far.

1. So Lost is now The Ben Show? That's not a bad thing really, it's just I miss when Locke was awesome. Now he seems to be just another follower of Ben. But as least they made Ben awesome.

2. So Ben can control Smokey? Or can he only call him? If he can control him, does that mean he had the pilot and Eko killed? If he can only call it- why? And how?

3. So Ben wants to kill Penny? Wonder how Desmond will feel about that.

4. I wonder if Desmond will even know about it. No word yet on whether or not he ever gets off the island.

5. I don't like what they're doing with Sawyer. ...that's not a question. Why are they doing this to Sawyer? That's better.

As I've already said before, I loved what they did with Sawyer at the end of last year. He had finally killed Cooper but it didn't bring him peace. In fact, he was in a worse place than ever before. Dark Sawyer was one of the most interesting plot lines introduced at the end of last season. Now he's gone. Now he's all, "You alright, sweetheart?" and threatening to kill Locke if Hurley gets hurt. LAME. Plus I don't like how they're kind of going about this whole romance with Sawyer and Claire.

6. Is it just me, or has this been Sayid's best season ever? I always used to find him boring but this season I'm actually interested when he's on screen. Too bad about Nadia though. Although I have to admit he seemed a lot more upset when Shannon died and he only knew that bitch for like a month and a half.

7. "Changing the rules", eh? Ben and Widmore seem to be treating this like a big game. I figure it's got to be the whole time travel thing again. I think that's why Ben seemed so shocked when Alex actually died. He'd done this before and it never turned out that way. That may be a bit of a stretch but we'll see.

8. I wonder who killed the Doctor? He had his throat cut and all. Michael? Sayid? The Captain? And why?

9. What could Jacob possibly tell Locke or Ben or Hurley to help them out? I still expect something very bad to happen in the next few episodes involving these three. Hurley did say in his flash forward that it was a mistake to go with Locke. I wonder if he means because of the attack on the compound or something else?

10. I really hope Daniel and Miles lives through this season. Again, not a question... I wonder if Daniel and Miles will live through this season. They have so much to offer but because of this seasons extremely fast pace there hasn't been a whole lot of time to develop these two (especially not Miles). I hope they make it to next year and get some flashbacks.

There you have it. Answers these questions now or ask your own.

-Maynard

Top Ten: Songs of the 60's

Time for another one. I messed up last time when I did the top ten songs of the 70's. I didn't put Roxy Music's "More Than This" anywhere... so I took a little longer making this list, hoping I got it just right.

10. I Just Wasn't Made for These Times
9. It's Alright, Ma by Bob Dylan
8. The Weight by The Band
7. Sunday Morning by The Velvet Underground
6. Mr. Tambourine Man by The Byrds (Dylan's version is good, but The Byrds outdid him)
5. The Village Green Preservation Society by The Kinks
4. Subterranean Homesick Blues by Bob Dylan
3. Like a Rolling Stone by Bob Dylan
2. The Night They Drove Ole Dixie Down by The Band
1. Heroin by The Velvet Underground

So there you have it. Yeah... I'm a big Dylan fan.

EDIT: Yes, stupid moron that I am, I meant "Heroin" by The Velvet Underground, not "Heroine."

TOP TEN: Favorite albums

I haven't done a top ten in a little while, so here's a new one. Again, if you don't agree with this list, maybe you should go listen to your brand new Kid Rock CD, FAG!!

1. OK Computer by Radiohead. Basically the best album ever made. It's hard for me to put into words exactly what it is. I look at this album as the beginning of an entirely new era in music. It changed everything. It's as close to perfect as you can get.

2. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot by Wilco. The American version of OK Computer. Or at least that's what they say. I think it's similar (especially in sound), but different in many other ways. OK Computer can at times seem distant and cold, but YHF always seems so personal and, even though the songs sound sad, there's a bit a hope in nearly every tune.

3. In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel. I can't think of a single album that I connect more to my childhood. It's funny though, because I didn't hear this album until I was, like, 21. But I'm not the only person who connects with it this way. Read any (possitive) review and you'll hear the same thing. Jeff Mangum's songs are very personal, but they're a type of personal everyone, especially young men I think, can relate to.

4. Loveless by My Bloody Valentine. Out of all the albums I've ever heard, this is the one that I simply cannot figure out how it was made. It seems impossible that anyone could get those instruments to make those sounds, no matter how much they're played with in the studio. It's the most dense album I've ever heard. But none of that would matter if the songs sucked. Thankfully, they don't. Far from it.


5. You Forget It In People by Broken Social Scene. It kind of reminded me of Loveless for this decade when I first heard it. This one is the hardest to pin down. It sounds like My Bloody Valentine having rough sex with Sonic Youth. That's as close as I can get to decribing it to someone who's never heard it.

6. Kid A by Radiohead. Radiohead's big "Fuck You" to everyone. So many people wanted them, NEEDED them to be the new U2 after OK Computer. Radiohead had other ideas. Devoid of guitars for much of the album, Radiohead instead decided to make a pop version of an electronic album. Some people say Radiohead shouldn't be hailed for this album because it sounds like other artists albums, namely Aphex Twin, but those people couldn't be more wrong. Aphex Twin could never make this album. There's too much humanity in Radiohead's electronica.

7. Anodyne by Uncle Tupelo. Before Wilco, Jeff Tweedy was the jr. partner of Uncle Tupelo, along with future Son Volt frontman Jay Farar (and some other guy no one cares about anymore). Listening to this album though, you'd have no idea the big ideas these guys would eventually be throwing around in their music. That's not a complaint though. This album sounds like three guys sitting around, singing sad songs about love and death, ect. But the songs are among the best either man ever wrote, and put them together and you've got perhaps the greatest alt country album ever. I love Wilco to death and I think they're the best band in American history, but if Uncle Tupelo could have gave us another couple of these albums, I wouldn't have complaned.

8. Highway 61 Revisted by Bob Dylan. A legend's very best album. Simple as that. Why are The Beatles considered to be the best of the 60's? They never made anything that could touch this album.

9. The Bends by Radiohead. Radiohead at their most British. For once, that's not a bad thing. Although the lyrics are downbeat and depressing (one reviewer suggested that Thom Yorke would be the next rock star to kill himself after listening to this album), the music is anything but. It is the guitar album of the 90's.

10. Doolittle by The Pixies. To put it simply, music today would be very different without this album. You can hear The Pixies influence literally everywhere you go. This is their most mature, and their most fun and funny album ever.

-M

Top Ten: Funniest T.V. Shows

As always, if you don't agree with the list, it's probably cause you're a moron or something.

10. Curb Your Enthusiasm. Has there ever been a show that has each and every episode wrap itself so neatly together from beginning to end? Probably not. And has there ever been a guy who gets more screwed over than Larry David? Probably only George Costanza, who was based on David in the first place.
BEST MOMENT- The ending of season 6, where Larry and the Blacks decide to stay together.

9. Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I wanted to put it higher on the list, but these last few seasons... well, anyways, the first 3 seasons should put it on anyones list. It concerns the adventures of 3 living, walking, talking food products- Frylock, Master Shake and Meatwad, along with their neighbor Carl.
BEST MOMENT- Shake knocking the drinks out of Ol' Drippy's hand, then getting chased out of the house by Meatwad.

8. Space Ghost Coast to Coast. I'll be honest- this might be my favorite show ever. But it has too many moments were they simply fuck with the audience to be any higher than it is. It's about 60's embarrassment Space Ghost, who gets his own talk show with the help of Moltar and Zorak, two of his captured enemies.
BEST MOMENT- Space Ghost getting sued by Jan and Jace. "LAWSUIT!!" (Spits water into the camera)

7. Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. This is easily one of the funniest shows ever, and it probably would have been in the top 5 if it had lasted longer. The thing is, it only had 6 episodes. But those 6 episodes were awesome. The show is about a group of actors who, back in the day, made a television show called Darkplace. The show within a show was about a hospital where all kinds of crazy shit happened. If you can find it, watch it.
BEST MOMENT- Dean Learner always looking directly into the camera.

6. Home Movies- The show about a group of kids who act more like adults, making home movies about the stupidest shit ever. It makes the list because of the great writing and all that, but it would have made the list anyways just because of Coach McGuirk and Jason.
BEST MOMENT- Dressing Melissa's grandfather up as a woman and filming it.

5. South Park. Another show that I basically had no choice but to put it on the list. I have a few problems with the show, namely their love of relying on fart jokes and such, but I can't deny the greatness of this show. Cartman is a legend.
BEST MOMENT- Cartman getting that Scott kid to eat his own parents.

4. Seinfeld. Here's the thing- I've seen this show so many times, it's lost a tiny bit of it's magic. If it was still new to me, it'd be number 2, maybe even number 1. But alas, it's just not "fresh" anymore. But no one can deny it's impact. And it still makes me laugh, so...
BEST MOMENT- George getting robbed by the prostitute.

3. The Office (the British version). I've come to really enjoy the American version. But comparing the two isn't apples and oranges as some will tell you. Comparing these two is like comparing the new Star Wars trilogy to the old one. You can see plenty to like about the new one, but come on, be real. The original is the best. This show, like the American show, focuses on a group of people who work for a freakishly self-involved boss, David Brent. The British version is much, much more reality based though and I think that's what makes it so great. I shouldn't have to explain this one though. If you've seen it, you'll know why it's amazing.
BEST MOMENT- David Brents freestyle dance.

2. The Simpsons. Okay, I would just like to make this clear once again- The Simpsons, at it's height, was the best show ever made. But I can't just forget the bad (the last 10 years) and just focus on the good. That wouldn't be fair. So, considering how badly the show has sucked recently (and it just keeps getting worse. Really, end it already), I have no choice but to make it number 2. But damn, when it was great, nothing could touch it. I remember when I was a kid watching it and I thought it was hilarious, and now that I've grown up, it's even funnier cause I understand it so much more.
BEST MOMENT- "Whoa! I'm seeing double! 4 Krusty's!"

1. Arrested Development. Remember when I said no show ever tied itself together so neatly as Curb Your Enthusiasm? I lied. The only other show that tops it is Arrested Development. But they didn't just have running themes for 1 show or even 1 season, this show had 3 whole seasons worth of in-jokes. If you didn't see every episode, you'd miss a quick reference. You'd think that was annoying, but it wasn't. The more it went on, the more fans became rabid (in a good way). It's probably the smartest comedy ever. And the best.
BEST MOMENT- "Banger in the mouth"

Honorable mentions- Saturday Night Live, Futurama, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, King of the Hill

Yours truly-
M

Top Ten: Songs of the 70's

First things first, the results of the last two polls.

90's-
Smells Like Teen Spirit- 9 (total votes)
Sometimes- 6
Paranoid Android- 6
Sabotage- 4
All Apologies- 3
No Surprises- 3
Unravel- 3
Karma Police- 2
Jane Says- 1
Sunken Treasure- 1

80's-
Love Will Tear Us Apart- 8
Don't Stop Believing- 6
Where Is My Mind?- 5
This Must Be the Place- 4
Teen Age Riot- 4
It's the End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)- 2
Just Like Honey- 1
This Is the Day- 1
Making Plans for Nigel (which I just learned is a 70's song)- 0
Down Under- 0

Ok, now for my favorite songs of the 70's

10. Metamorfose Ambulante by Raul Seixas

9. Judy Is a Punk by The Ramones

8. Pink Moon by Nick Drake

7. Idiot Wind by Bob Dylan

6. Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

5. Cosmic Dancer by T. Rex

4. Heroes by David Bowie

3. Kaze Wo Atsumete by Happy End

2. Street Hassle by Lou Reed

1. Here Comes the Warm Jets by Brian Eno.

Now shut up and vote.

Top Ten: Most Satisfying Endings

Some guy once said something really clever about endings. Like, everything can suck, but if the ending is good everyone will like it. Was it Brian Cox? He was funny in Rushmore. I love Rushmore, and yes, it'll be on this list. So let's do this shit.

10. Catcher on the Rye- Holden watches his little sister on the merry-go-round, then he goes to a mental institution. Everyone knows this ending and I don't know of anyone who dislikes it. It's been out for like 50 or 60 years and no one can think up a better way for it to end.


9. Wolf at the Door from Radiohead's Hail to the Thief- There are better Radiohead songs. There are better Radiohead songs that end their albums. But there's none quite as tongue in cheek. None that put a smirk on your face the same way. It's pretty much a nonsense song, full or knives in the neck and kicking people in the teeth with steel toed boots one minute, then x-rays eyes and cold wives the next. But it's a fun song, and probably one of the most "freewheeling" Radiohead have ever done.


8. Pulp Fiction- Jon Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson eating breakfast in their "dorky" attire. Place gets robbed. "Bad Mutha Fucker". And Jackson's speech, which I consider the best speech ever to end a movie. It sums up the entire film really. And that film changed the face of movies ever since.


7. Mulholland Dr.- Old people crawling under your door is creepy. I wasn't a huge fan of this ending at first, but it's grown on me. It's a fucking weird ending, probably the weirdest, like, ever. It's hard to explain it, so I'll just throw some words out there. Naomi Watts. Gun. Hallway. Chasing. All a dream? ... yeah, not a great explanation, but... you just gotta see it yourself. And don't judge it rashly, give it some time to settle in your brain.


6. Taxi Driver- Travis Bickle is a bad bad man. He goes nuts trying to save this chick, kills lots of people and becomes a hero. But the people who made him a hero don't know the whole story. They don't know that Bickle is a sick man. Martin Scorsese once said that he believes Bickle would one day go on a worse, even more violent killing spree one day, because he believes that's what the people want. Bickle thinks he's doing the right thing, and now that he's a hero, that belief will only grow stronger...


5. Dr. Strangelove- One of the funniest movies ever. It's virtually perfect, but then the ending is coming and you're thinking "Um, how are they gonna end this?" There really is no other way to end it- everyone on Earth dies except for the people in the War Room. Also, for no apparent reason at all, Dr. Strangelove is able to walk again. It doesn't make any sense, but it's funny.


4. Curb Your Enthusiasm- "The Bat Mitzvah". Anyone who's seen this knows I'm talking about the last 60 seconds or so. For 3 or 4 episodes, Larry had been trying to win back his wife. He goes to his best friend's daughter's bat mitzvah, and takes along his house guest, a black woman who's family had been staying with the Davids because a hurricane destroyed their home. Larry dances with her, and sparks fly. We then learn that Larry started dating her, and didn't get back together with his wife. We see him at his new son's soccer game, going to the movies (there The Blacks are unable to contain themselves and act like embarrassing stereotypes, with Larry joining in), and posing for Christmas cards together.


3. The Royal Tenenbaums- Royal realizes he's "the bad guy" and decides he has to fix what he's broken. He divorces his wife so she can marry the man of her dreams (who just so happens to be Danny Glover), but the wedding is ruined by a drugged up Eli Cash, who crashes his car into the house, killing Buckley, the dog. Royal buys his grandsons a new dog, which helps to mend his broken relationship with his oldest son. Then Royal dies and everyone goes to the funeral, where we see Royal's tombstone, detailing how he died saving his family from a sinking ship (he didn't).


2. Lost in Translation- Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson were so screwed over come Oscar time. But we're not gonna go down that road yet. So anywho, the ending. These two people have developed a very deep friendship over the last few days, but it has to end. Murray has to go home to his wife and kids. They say goodbye, very awkward. Neither wants to admit to the other how much they've meant to them. Bill's driving away, sees Scarlett walking down a busy street, pulls over and walks up to her. They kiss and he whispers something into her ear, but we can't hear what it is. They finally leave each other, and "Just Like Honey" starts playing. Then we get some nice shots of Tokyo, and it's over. Probably the most memorable ending this decade.


1. Rushmore- Max fucks up everyone's life, then realizes that he can't live in his fantasy world forever, and set's about fixing everything he ruined. It ends in his most celebrated play to date. He also gets Mr. Blume and Ms. Cross back together and gets his own girlfriend. But he still gets to dance with his dream girl. Good stuff, good stuff. And yes, I love me some Bill Murray.

Top Ten: Songs of the 90's

Hello folks. Maynard here, with another Top Ten list. This time, I'm doing the Best Songs of the 90's. And by Best, I mean My Favorites. After this I'll eventually do best of the 80's, 70's, 60's and 00's. (And apologies to Bada, who I already know will disagree with every song on this list)

10. Sabotage by The Beastie Boys
9. Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana (I know it's almost a cliche to put it on here, but it is a very good song)
8. Jane Says by Jane's Addiction
7. Karma Police by Radiohead
6. Sunken Treasure by Wilco
5. Unravel by Bjork (I couldn't find the Bjork version, so I got the Radiohead cover instead. It's a great cover, by Bjork's is better. Find it and listen to it.)
4. All Apologies by Nirvana
3. Paranoid Android by Radiohead
2. No Surprises by Radiohead
1. Sometimes by My Bloody Valentine

So there it is. The best songs of the 90's. Here's a ProjectPlaylist playlist I made for it. For some reason it's not working right, so you have to press the Launch StandAlone Player thingy and it should work.

Top Ten: Funniest dudes.

(NOTE: I couldn't come up with any funny women...)

It takes a lot to be a classic funny dude. Three things, actually. Be a jerk, be an idiot, or just be really pathetic. Here's my list of the ten funniest dudes.

10. Charles Barkley. Category- Jerk.
Sir Charles, as he is known by some, is a total jerk. He used to be a great NBA player, but now he's fat and insults people and gambles all his money away. CB makes the list mostly because of his ceaseless taunting of NBA ref Dick Bevetta. Things came to a head at the NBA A All-Star game of 2007, where to two titans had a foot race to determine the better man. Barkley out ran the elderly Bevetta, even running backwards, mocking the old man. Then they kissed on the lips.

Quote "I know I'm a fat, old has-been, but there's no way an old man of 67 can outrun me. It's impossible!"



9. Ash from The Evil Dead Trilogy. Category- Jerk.
Fuck you. I know he was on my last list. And? I can do whatever I want, whenever I want (on my website. Unless it's illegal).

Ah deserves to be on here. Why? Cause he's damn funny, that's why. It's odd when you watch Evil Dead now, because Ash is a completely different character in that movie. His normal. Mild mannered. Scared. By the mid-part of Evil Dead 2, he was undergoing a transformation. He wasn't as scared anymore. With his new found braveness, however, came new found arrogance and cockiness. And by the time Army of Darkness came around, he was a completely new person, chock full of one-liners and awesomeness. Plus, he could never remember the words.

Quote- "First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow."



8. Max Fischer from Rushmore. Category- Jerk.
I know Max won the last Top ten thingy too, but he's just too awesome not to be on any of my lists. Plus he's funny as hell.

Max is the kind of guy who knows right from wrong, yet he choices to do wrong anyways, so long as he believes it will benefit his selfish wants in the long run (which they don't). He doesn't think twice about destroying a mans life in the name of love. From destroying a mans life, he moves to attempted murder (cutting Mr. Blume's brakes, trying to have a tree fall on him, filling his room with bees, ect.) It's hilarious to watch as Max falls from grace, yet he stills believes wholeheartedly that things will work out if you could just get Ms. Cross to fall in love with him. Sweet + Sad= Funny.

Quote- "Don't fuck with my play!"



7. Jason from Home Movies. Category- Idiot.
Home Movies might just be the most under-appreciated thing ever. I don't know why, because anyone who actually sat down and watched the thing became instant fans. One of the reasons everyone who watched it loved it was because everyone who watched it loved Jason, the sidekick to and best friend of star Brendan Small. Jason is 7 and he's stupid. He is always dirty, he's got a weight problem (he loves candy) and, as Brendan has noted, "It's fun to hurt him." ("It's easy to hurt him.", adds other friend Melissa.)

Despite his setbacks, Jason is a pretty sweet-hearted young guy and takes things pretty easy. Most of his comedy comes from the fact that's he's 7 and doesn't know anything. But, strangely, he's a very good actor. That's what they do. The kids make stupid home movies. That's the whole show. It wasn't exactly genius comedy, but it always made me laugh.

Quote- "Let him drag you through the mud LIKE HE DRAGGED ME!!"



6. Homer Simpson from The Simpsons. Category- Idiot.
You can't talk about funny dudes without Homer Simpson. He's a legend. Plus he's the stupidest character ever, anywhere. The Simpsons have gone wayyyyy downhill for the last 10 years or so, but seasons 2-8 are classics. Honestly, I think 2-8 are the greatest pieces of entertainment the world has ever seen (take that, Shakespeare).

The reason it was so great was obviously because of the writing, and the writers always saved the best stuff for Homer. Like when he became a clown. Or when he got really fat. Or how he destroyed his brothers business. Or even really really simple stuff became funny from Homer (like the drinking bird) Yeah, Homer deserves his place on this list. Funny stuff.

Quote- "[to Lisa and Bart] Kids, let me tell you about another so-called wicked guy. He had long hair, and some wild ideas, and he didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was...
[thinks] I forget. But the point is... [thinks] I forget that, too. [to Marge] Marge, you know who I'm talking about! He used to drive that blue car."


5. Cartman from South Park. Category- Jerk.
Cartman might be the biggest jerk ever. And he's just about the only character around that can rival Homer Simpson for pure popularity. But he deserves to be here, just slightly above Homer (I had to dock him because of the severe drop in quality The Simpsons has suffered)

South Park isn't quite what it used to be either. They rely on Cartman a bit too much to bring the funny nowadays, when back in "the day" all the characters were funny on their own. But if you were going to rely on one characters, I don't see why it shouldn't be Cartman. He's consistently funny (even when the show sucked for a few years). He mostly gets his laughs from screwing people over, and that's always funny to watch. Plus, that Scott Tennerman Must Die epsiode has the best ending to a cartoon ever.

Quote- "If some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, "Hey. Why don't you stop... dressing me up like a mailman... a-and making me dance for you... while you go and... smoke crack in your bedroom... and have sex with... some guy... I don't even know. On my dad's bed."



4. Master Shake from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Category- Jerk.
If there's any character out there that can rival Cartman for just being a sheer jerk, it's Master Shake. Master Shake is a milkshake, he's vain, angry, lazy, cruel, and a loud mouth. He hates everyone, mostly his roommate Meatwad, who he has tried to kill on several occasions. Usually he just has to settle for selling him for two dollars or trapping him in a dryer or freezer.

Shake dreams of becoming a movie star, although he has no idea how to land a part. Also, he's probably too lazy to work on a movie, preferring to spend his days watching t.v. or in his neighbor Carl's pool. And that's funny, my friends. That's funny.

Quote- "I will pee all over my pants... and then who ends up looking bad."



3. David Brent from The Office. Category- Pathetic.
Has there ever been a more pitiful character than David Brent? He thinks he's hilarious, but he's not. He thinks he beloved, but he's not. He thinks he inspired Scottish band Texas to become the band they are today, but he didn't. He's also quite rude and mean, without ever realizing it. He lives in a fantasy world. As The Office went on (much too quickly- only 12 episodes and a Christmas special), David's world slowly started to crumble. By the time it was over, he had lost everything.He realized people didn't like him quite as much as he thought (or hoped), he lost his job, he tried to make a music career, which went nowhere. And let me tell you something, when someone this pathetic comes along, you must cherish it. Not a single episode went by where he didn't get a big laugh from me.

Quote- "I haven't got a sign on the door that says white people only. I don't care if you're black, brown or yellow - you know, Orientals make very good workers."



2. Coach McGuirk from Home Movies. Category- Jerk/Pathetic/Idiot.
That's right. Coach McGuirk was a triple threat. He was an unbelievably awesome mix of all three of the main comedy categories. Coach McGurirk was Brendan's soccer coach (even though he hated kids and soccer, a game which he has never played. He doesn't even know the rules) and something of a role model. Except he was a terrible role model and often his advice would lead to more trouble, or at least something illegal or amoral. But he didn't care. McGuirk didn't care about anything or anyone. He was quite stupid as well. He once tried to become a stand up comedian, and his gimmick would be that he was the soccer comedian, but he told no jokes about soccer (but he did wear the whistle and he brought his own goal)

Coach McGuirk was an extremely rare character in my mind. Almost every single time he was on screen, you know something funny would happen. Man, I miss that show

Quote- "Hey, my swords are worth more than all these foods combined."



1. George Costanza from Seinfeld. Category- Jerk/Pathetic.
Yeah, that's right. You had to know it all along. George Costanza is the funniest character ever. Where to begin? He's bald, angry, short, stupid. He spends his time trying to get one over on everybody. Nothing ever goes his way. His girlfriend died because of poisonous envelopes he bought. His parents are crazy. He once ate food out of a garbage can, and then got caught. A hooker once tied him to his bed, then robbed him. Jon Voight once bit him. And then when he thinks he's won, he just makes a fool of himself. Like the time he told the guy that had been mocking him that he slept with his wife, only to find out his wife was in a coma. Or when his fiancee died, he thought that meant he would finally be able to go out with Marisa Tomei. It didn't. This guy is a classic. A titan above all others. I can't see anyone beating him any time soon.

Quote "He was beboppin' and skattin' all over me!"

There you have it. Now go to bed.

(Honorable mentions- Bender from Futurama, Larry David from Curb Your Enthusiasm, Dick Masterson from MenAreBetterThanWomen.com, GOB Bluth from Arrested Development, Buck Turginson from Dr. Strangelove, Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

Top Ten Baddest Motherfuckers of All Time

So I'm starting a new thingy here. My Top Ten lists. Since this site and it's creator (face it Lando, this is my baby) are so bad ass, I figured the first post in this new venture should also be about bad ass characters. I guess some of these people are real... I dunno. You read. You read now.

10. Charlie from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Charlie actually may be the nicest and most kind hearted of all the members of The Gang. When that chicks grandfather died, he was the only one who actually felt sorry for her loss. And his undying love for The Waitress is sweet (not that I'm gay or nothin'.) So whys he on the list? Cause Charlie is also the most awesome of all the characters from IASIP. Like the time he lied about having cancer just to get his friends to pay The Waitress to sleep with him? What's more awesome than that? Or the time he showed up kind of drunk to an AA meeting? Or the time he robbed his own bar, only to be shot in the head? Charlie is awesome. Plus he always sings funny songs, and funny songs get you a long way in my book. No they don't, actually.

Baddest moment- Lying about having cancer.

Best quote- "Ohh, excuse me for being the most terrible man on the planet!"



9. John Locke from Lost. Locke used to be in a wheelchair. This was unbearable for a man like Locke. Why? Because Locke loves to blow shit up. Luckily for him, his plane crashed and it somehow healed him, allowing him to blow shit up for the past 3 seasons. He blew up The Hatch (after he blew up the Hatch door to get inside the Hatch), he blew up that submarine, he killed that Naomi chick,... he's awesome. Plus he's far and away the best character on the best show on t.v. That's why he's bad ass, bitches.

Baddest moment- Killing Naomi...but for a good reason, of course. Locke's not evil.

Best quote- "I'm on my own journey, now."



8. Alex DeLarge from A Clockwork Orange. Alex is a teddy boy. Or whatever. He's a young man from a futuristic England (the future sucks in England I guess. Instead of CD's and mp3 players, they just have tiny tapes). But anywho, Alex finds ways to have fun nonetheless. Like, raping women and beating up rival gang members. And listening to Beethoven.. Alex goes through a huge transformation throughout ACO. He starts out evil and cruel, then after a crazy experiment, he can no longer have any of these violent urges. So he's good, but not because he wanted to be, but because he has no choice. Then the movie ends and he's back to crazy again. Alex is bad ass because... well... I like the way he talks. Right right.

Baddest moment- Alex and his gang of droogs beat up another rival gang after they attempt to rape a woman. Alex doesn't care about what they were trying to do, he just hates those guys and wants to fight them.

Best quote- "I was cured alright."



7. Holden Caulfield from The Catcher in the Rye. Holden is a sad, depressed, retarded young man in the late 1940's, who goes on a magical adventure. Actually, he wasn't retarded, although he was dumb, and his adventure wasn't magical. Although he did get a hooker, and then her pimp beat him up (he didn't do anything with the hooker, he was too scared). Holden has had a huge impact on American society since the 1950's all the way until now. Everyone can relate to him. Sadsack, no friends, lives in his own world. You're just like that and you know it. Holden is bad ass because he's just like you and me, and we're bad ass. Or at least I am.

Baddest moment- Crying on the floor after the pimp hits him. Not really "bad ass", but it was funny.

Best quote- "Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody."



6. Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver. Travis is a lot like Holden except, like, 10x further gone. He's a complete loner, a gun nut, and morally bankrupt. Kind of. He doesn't mind killing people, or being a racist, because deep down he "knows" he's doing the right thing. Which involves killing people, and being a racist. What makes him bad ass? I dunno. I like the way he dresses. And goes crazy.

Baddest moment- Saving Iris, which involves killing people and wearing a mohawk.

Best quote- "He called you a little piece of chicken!" (He, Sport, never called her that)



5. Vegeta from DragonBallZ. Vegeta is a "Bad Man". You can tell because in one episode he wore a pink shirt that he wrote "Bad Man" on the back of. Plus he destroyed planets and millions of lives and stuff. But in the end he became a good guy. Kind of. He started a family because he believed this was the secret to Goku's power. Vegeta basically wanted nothing more than to kick ass and take names. And that's why he's so bad ass. Except that he could never beat Goku, but whatever. Goku ain't bad.

Baddest moment- Probably when he destroyed that entire planet. But to be fair, the planet was full of monster looking people.

Best quote- "Is it for a man, or a woman?!"



4. Lil' Ze from City of God. Lil' Ze might be the most hilarious bad guy ever. Or he is to me at least. On the one hand, he's a psycho. He'll kill women, children, old people, it doesn't matter. On the other hand, he's totally insecure and petty and childish, not to mention bit of a cry baby. He doesn't know how to talk to women and seems to be scared of them. When his rival is arrested and his picture gets put in the paper, Lil' Ze becomes jealous that his picture or name never appears in the paper. The best scene in that whole movie is when Rocket, the star, by complete accident, gets Lil' Ze's picture in the paper. Rocket thinks he's a dead man and that Lil' Ze will be out to kill him now, but Lil' Ze is happy because having his picture in the paper means people "have finally understood who's the boss around here." Gosh, I love that movie so much. Lil' Ze is based on a real guy. I don't know how accurately they portray him in the film, but I want to hang out with this dude. Too bad he's dead...

Baddest moment- Making that little kid (Steak n' Fries) choose which one of his friends he kills

Best Quote- "You wanna dance with me?"



3. Frank Booth from Blue Velvet. Frank is one of the sickest fucks in cinematic history, and that's why he's awesome. Who else would have the courage to kidnap some chick and her family, cut the husbands ear off and basically get into hilarious hijinks like that through a whole movie? Only two people- Frank Booth and me. But they won't let me in the pictures :(

Baddest moment- Beating up Jeffery, and kissing Jeffery, and wearing lipstick all at the same time. Or...you know... the first time we get to actually meet him.

Best quote- "I'll send ya a lover letter...straight from my heart, fucker. You know what a love letter is? It's a fucking bullet from a fucking gun, fucker."



2. Ash from the Evil Dead Trilogy. Ash is one of the biggest smart asses ever. He's always ready to crack a terrible joke at just the wrong time, and that's why he's a bad "mofo". Plus he fights evil and gets chicks like it ain't no thang. And he had a chainsaw attached to one arm. So.. awesome. Plus he works at a store calles S-Mart. And he could never remember the words ^_____^

Baddest moment- Cutting off his own evil hand.

Best quote- "This is my BOOMstick."



1. Max Fischer from Rushmore. C'mon, who's cooler than Max Fischer? Nobody, that's who. Max is a huge prick. He ruins people's lives, double crosses everyone and basically spits in everyones face... all in the name of love. And that's why he's so awesome. And he's only 15. Also, he reminds of this guy I know named Patrick. Patrick wants to be some sort of government guy, and so does Max. But both like to fuck around a lot. Patrick, if you read this... get off my site. And I love you.

Baddest moment- Shooting that Scottish kid in the ear with a BB gun, then offering him a part in his new play.

Best quote- "I'm gonna stick a knife in his heart and send him back to Ireland in a body bag."


There you have it sucka's. The most bad ass bad asses ever. From me to you.