This site sucks....I'M NOT FUCKIN' KIDDIN"

First off I need to say....if you really read this shit you outta be shot. Taken out back and have a bullet planted into the back of your skull. It's better to the alternative...i.e "reading this shit"! What kind of names are Maynard and Lando anyways. O.k...Lando.....just because you choose a name from star wars makes you cool? Come the fuck on man....your the whitest of white....your fuckin' opaque and you choose Billy D. Williams' character. I won't even start on Maynard...I mean..really it's fuckin' as if Mayo got laid by Leonard Nemoy and that's what you got. Give me a break! I hate you. Then you give ME the fake ass twinkle toe name of Frankie "Teardrop"! You fuckin prick! I'm gonna bash you in the teeth with a chinese phonebook. Do you know how many fucking Lee's there are in that damn thing? Your gonna be suckin' soup through a straw for the rest of the year. Next....you bash "YOUR" guy for president...and his choice for V.P. Only a democrat would do that shit. If you really think he cares what you think....your just like he's gonna be at the end of the election......LOST. I can't believe you really like that OLD BOY. Your truly one fucked up individual. Ok....I'm done FOR NOW...but I'll be back. One other thing...this site is as pretty and organized as a bulldog lickin' piss offa the end of a needle. How the fuck can you sleep at night. Fuckers
Yours Truly
The man with whom not to fuck!

Are You Shitting Me?

Teh lame. Where's Bayh? You pick this old fucker? Fuck you. Have fun losing the election, cock sucker. YOU BLEW IT!!

I mean, you still have my vote, but fuck you.

-M

Top Ten: Vocalists

Maynard here to share with you the musical goodness. Here's my list of top ten vocalists. Keep in mind this is all just my opinion.

10. Marvin Gaye. Best Vocals: Sexual High (Radiohead mashup... cause it's awesome)

9. Nick Drake. Best Vocals: Fly


8. Bob Dylan. Best Vocals: Subterranean Homesick Blues


7. Jeff Mangum (Neutral Milk Hotel) Best Vocals: Two-Headed Boy Part 2 (I know Mangum's voice isn't very strong, but it's very affecting. And this is a great song, although this video makes it hilarious)


6. Klaus Nomi. Best Vocals: The Nomi Song


5. Tunde Adebimpe (TV on the Radio) Best Vocals: Blind


4. Jim James (My Morning Jacket) Best Vocals: Mahgeetah


3. Jeff Buckley. Best Vocals: Lover, You Should've Come Over


2. David Bowie. Best Vocals: Heroes


1. Thom Yorke (Radiohead) Best Vocals: Life in a Glass House
(really any of Radiohead's songs could have been used here... but this is my favorite Radiohead song and the video has lots of Star Wars stuff... I like Star Wars)

Honorable mention to Maynard James Keened of Tool- Maynard James Keenen (Tool) Best Vocals: Stinkfist


-Maynard

So What's Up with China?

So I've been really busy for the last week or so, so I haven't been able to keep up with the Olympics like I wanted to, but from what I gather, China seems to be pissing everyone off. Something about the fireworks in the opening ceremony being added digitally, then some girl singing some song wasn't cute enough to be on tv so they replaced her or some shit. Their female gymnastics team is supposed to be full of a bunch of 16 year olds, but rumors have surfaced that they're younger than that.

You know what the best part of taking a shower with a 16 year old girl is? When she gets her hair wet, she looks 14.

Sorry.

Anywho, then they got all pissed off cause some American athletes wore masks when they landed in China. So what? It's fucking disgusting over there. When people in China hit 50 years old they already look like corpses. Every time a Chinese movie comes on tv and an old person shows up in the movie I'm like, "Wait, so now it's about zombies? What's going on?"

Then the whole thing with the Spanish basketball team doing the slant eyes thing. Who cares? It was funny. If you can't laugh at yourselves, China, you'll never overtake America as the world's Number One. We Americans laugh at ourselves all the time, but that doesn't mean we don't kick it real.

Anywho, who cares about any of this shit? The only thing worth watching is the American basketball team try to redeem themselves for that garbage from the last Olympics. It's time for America to get back to Awesome.

Americans- kickin' it super real since 1776, MUTHA!!

-M

Obama/Bayh 08

Evan Bayh is my main man, y'all. And I called him being the VP pick since... well, since I heard he wasn't running for President. Looks like I just might be right. Pretty much all of the major news stations around the U.S. are talking it up. Obama was in Indiana today and called Bayh "one of our very best senators."

Fuck. Yes.

How is Bayh not the very best possible choice for VP? He's a centrist, which Obama needs to get over with. No one is going to be calling Evan Bayh "too liberal."

He's got serious experience, what with being the best Governor in Indiana history, and probably the best senator too. He knows the economy. He has foreign experience. Looking at his credentials, he's just perfect. He is exactly what Obama needs. He will guaranteed bring Indiana in the general election and probably Ohio too. This election is going to be decided by the Independents and Bayh will lasso those suckers in unlike anyone else. I bet there will be a few Republicans who might switch to an Obama/Bayh ticket too. McCain just isn't their guy.

A lot of people want Joe Biden to get the nomination. I guess he'd be alright, but alot of people kind of think he's a little off balance.

Then there are the Wesley Clark fans. He's got the military experience to battle McCain on, but I think they could use the "too liberal" attack on him.

And Jim Webb has his fans. But again, too off balanced. The dude admits to carrying a gun around with him from time to time. That'll turn off Obama's liberal supporters.

Bayh is the safe choice, but he's also the right choice.

Plus, he's young looking. People love young people. McCain will be 73 next year for fucks sake. Obama and Bayh both have young children. People love children.

Bayh is the man for the job.

Fuck yeah.

-M

Birthday Madness

August 1st. Yesterday. My birthday. I turned 24. Very depressing. Seems like just yesterday I turned 18, but that was 6 years ago. Another 6 years I'll be 30.

...

Probably bald, too.

So anywho, I stayed at my sister's on the 31st, so I woke up at her place on my birthday. She and her husband were getting into all sorts of hijinks. Won't get into it. I'm never getting married.

Had to go to work. They told me I'd be working the next day (which is today) They told me I don't get off work until 11:00 p.m. and they expected me to be there again at 7:00 a.m. and that I'd be working a 12 hour shift. So I was pissed all day.

Got home. Nothing to eat or drink in the house. Lando was home all day... I put two and two together and realized he screwed me.

Couldn't sleep. Tried to go to bed at 11:30 but at 2:30 I was still wide awake. No idea when I fell asleep but when I eventually woke up at about 6:00 it felt like I'd been asleep for about 5 minutes.

I didn't go in to work today. Fuck them.

Bad birthday. Terrible year overall for me.

Hope it gets better from here on in.

I fear I shall not make it to the end of the year going like this.

-M