I'm awkward.

So, today, I was minding my own business and all, taking care of some man business with my dad when a call comes in on his phone. It's this chick he works with asking for me. I take the phone and say "hello?" She asks me to meet her in front of her office. "Alright", I say. Then I strut my man ass on over to her office. She's sitting there with this black chick. She asks me if I can help her move some things of hers to a new apartment because she needs "a mans help." I flash her my million dollar smile and say "Ok."

So I go and get my homeboy Lando, and together we head off on our wild adventure.

We get there, and it turns out there ain't shit packed. I was under the impression that we'd have to move a couch or something, not that we'd have to help her move all her belongings. So we start taking care of business like it ain't shit, but then a commercial comes on the radio. "Did you know African American women are more likely than anyone to contract AIDS? More African American women die from AIDS than all other ethnic groups combined", ect. Me and Lando look at each other, not sure what we should do. Like, should we say "Sorry"? to the black lady? Luckily I didn't need to think up anything to say, because not long after that I broke her glass table. I was trying to put it in her car and I flipped it over so it would fit better and the glass top came out and shattered all over the ground. I considered running away, but I stayed and took it like man. It was awkward. And this shit is always happening to me. When I went to see "Superbad" I knocked a drink out of a chicks hand on accident. This one time I went to get ice cream and I thought the lady was going to say "Have a nice day", but instead she said "Come and see us again", so I just instictivly said "You too." One time I called this lady to find out some information and in my mind I was thinking "Say 'thank you', not 'thanks'. 'Thank you' sounds nicer" but "Thanks you" is what came out instead.

Anyways... then some of her friends came over and starting acting like real ladies should. "Damn, nigger", one of them said. "Fuck", "shit", you name it. Real classy dames.

Anyways, I did not get paid, but I did skip a class tonight. So it all worked out.

-Maynard.