Larry Bird, you bastard

What is wrong with you? Fucking asshole. You really are. Where do you get off??

So the other day, Indiana Pacers GM Larry Bird made one of the best trade ever. He got rid of that absolute faggot Jermaine O'Neal and got a pretty good point guard, T.J. Ford, plus some other guy who won't really help us at all, along with the 17th overall pick in the NBA Draft. Bird was my man when this happened. It was about as perfect as it gets. We got a point guard, which was our biggest need and we got another fairly high draft pick (we already had the 11th). Plus we dropped 44 million dollars worth of nothing.

And then the draft happened. Things were going well. Better than I could have ever hoped for. When the 11th pick came around, Jerryd Bayless was still on board. What a coup!! I actually thought he was the second best PG in this years draft. I never could have hoped we'd land him. Now it was time for Bird to either shine or make an idiot of himself. To my delight, the Pacers picked Bayless. I literally jumped up and yelled "YES!!" Bayless didn't seem too happy with where he was going, but fuck him. He'd be a great asset to our team. Of course, some people thought this was odd. Why pick Bayless when we already have a perfectly good PG? Because, moron, Ford gets injured alot. I had it all planned out. Bayless would spend this year learning from a very solid PG while still helping out in a major way by coming off the bench. And when Ford inevitably gets injured, we'd have a great young rookie filling in for him. Two good point guards are better than one. Cause we all know the Pacers point guard situation last year was tragic. But here it was. We had Ford and Bayless. We went from having one of the worst point guard situations in the league to having two of the best in the league. I was over the moon.

Then word came in- Bird had traded Bayless. Wh-what? What? WHAT?! WHY?!To who? Turns out it was to Portland. For their 13th overall pick, Brandon Rush.

Okay... why would anyone do that? Jerryd Bayless is better than Brandon Rush. But wait, we also got Jerrett Jack. A just okay point guard.

We don't need either of them. We had an exceptional point guard that we had just drafted. We don't need Brandon Rush. We already have Danny Granger and Mike Dunlevy Jr. Plus some pretty good reserves already, including Rush's older brother, Kareem Rush.

So I was pissed. I wanted Bayless. Having Bayless was better than either or both of those guys. No offense to Rush, I'm sure he'll be a solid player, but this league has become a league of point guards. You can't expect to win a championship without some great point guards. Ford and Bayless working together would have made us the envy of all the NBA. Instead we downgrade one point guard and get another guard/forward who we didn't need. What a moron Bird is.

As for the 17th pick, this was a real head scratcher. Roy Hibbert? What about Kosta Koufos? Or Darrell Arthur? We needed a big man (a center, now that I think of it), but Hibbert? He won't fit in with O'Brien's offense. Kosta Koufus was, what I thought, the obvious choice here. But whatever. I hope Bird knows something about these three players that I don't. But I doubt it.

As for the rest of the draft-

New York fans, shut the fuck up. You got a GREAT player. I'd love to have Danilo. He's too good for you ungrateful bastards.

Darrell Arthur went way too low. What a fucking steal.

Michael Beasley went exactly where he should have. Pat Riley has lost it if he even considers trading this pick. He'll never live it down. This guy, barring injury, is going to be the rookie of the year.

Alright, I'm pretty pissed and sleepy, so I'll get off now. I just had to vent. I really was, for the first time in about 5 years, really excited for the Pacers upcoming season. Now... well, I feel how I always feel now. "Here comes another season of trying to steal the 8th seed in the East..."

-Maynard

REVIEW: Something for All of Us

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Final NBA Draft predictions

Hey, remember the last time I predicted the NBA Draft? Where I said O.J. Mayo would fall to number six? Yeah. The more I thought about it the more foolish I felt about the whole thing. So I'm redoing it, hoping to get it right this time. Let's see how I do.

1. Derrick Rose- Bulls
2. Michael Beasley- Heat (although some say the Heat will do anything in their power to get Mayo)
3. O.J. Mayo- Timberwolves
4. Jerryd Bayless- SuperSonics
5. Kevin love- Grizzles
6. Eric Gordon- Knicks
7. Joe Alexander- Clippers
8. Russell Westbrook- Bucks
9. Brook Lopez- Bobcats
10. Danilo Gallinari- Nets (I think he'll be great but I had him at number three last time...)
11. D.J. Augustin- Pacers
12. Anthony Randolph- Kings
13. Brandon Rush- Trailblazers
14. Kosta Koufos- Warriors.

There. I think that looks pretty good. It feels right. Now we'll just have to wait and see.

-M.

The Don of Iraq

This kid runs the streets with an Iron Iraqi Fist.

Lando needs help

Hey idiots ^__________^ Maynard here. You know... I know this guy. This guy we'll call Lando. I've known Lando forever. But lately, I've been thinking about ending our friendship. He's getting too weird. He keeps telling me about these dreams he has. These terrible, terrible dreams. The other night he told me about a dream he had where he and I were hitmen hired to kill this assassin. But it turns out the assassin was my sister. He found her sleeping in the back of a van. I grabbed a machine gun and shot at the van but missed. So Lando grabbed the gun and shot her dozens of time, killing her. I asked him why we would go through with killing my own sister. He told me it was because we wanted the money. He also said he took no pleasure in killing my sister and looked away when he pulled the trigger.

One time he had a dream where he and I were tapped to join a international supergroup of spies or some shit. Like, we were pre-destined to save the world. It was Lando, me, my friend Brian and some Mexican chick that found us and told us our destinies. Our very first mission we had to stop a bomb from blowing up some factory or something. So Lando was driving the van (why a van??) and the other three ran up some steps to get to the bomb. But Lando noticed it was taking too long and we couldn't stop the bomb. So he drove away and saw a huge explosion in his rearview mirror. Then... well, I'd better not say.

Another time he told me about a dream where we were running from the cops or the Government or something. We were hiding in a trailer and they were surrounding us. Lando tells me to run and he'll hold them off. So I did. Then Lando turned into a robot. But the robot looked like a black guy. Then he made himself blow up, but the explosion was like an atom bomb. So I probably died anyways.

Anyways, they say dreams are a window into ones conscience. If that is the case, I think you can understand why I can no longer know you, Lando. Goodbye forever. I'm changing the password to our site so you can't post anymore.

-M

(Giggles)

I Broke a Guys Finger

So a few weeks a go I was playing around with the old football with some people. We were having a great time and I was playing like never before. I was doing so great that girls wanted to be all over me but then everything went down hill.


I passed the ball to an IDIOT and he messed it all up. Now I had no idea this ASSHOLE did not know how to catch a ball, but it turns out he cant for shit. Anyways the ball ended up hitting his finger and chipping his bone. It was funny as hell but also pissed me off more then anything, because I hate it when people mess up my pass.


Oh yeah and I got a new job.

It SUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKS!.

With Painful Love

-Lando

REVIEW- My Morning Jacket- Evil Urges

Is it just me or does that look like John McCain from behind in that picture?

Alright, a little bit of history here- I didn't get into My Morning Jacket until Z came out in 2005. I, like everyone else, thought it was pretty great. Then I went back into their older albums and found that Z was actually just a little disappointing. It Still Moves was a masterpiece. At Dawn and The Tennessee Fire were both as good if not better than Z. So I wasn't sure what to expect from Evil Urges. I absolutely love their old hillbilly ways, but I hate it when a band doesn't try to change. But after hearing what came before it, Z seemed like a bad decision as far as experimenting goes. The best songs from that album, Lay Low and Knot Comes Loose, sounded like they could have been on their older albums.

So I've been listening to Evil Urges for a few days now and I'm finally starting to figure out what I want to say about it. It, like Z, is kind of a disappointment. In a way.

It's not a bad album at all, it's just sort of boring. It starts off pretty good with the title track. Jim James does his best Prince impersonation. The whole track sounds more like Z than anything else from this album. Lots of atmosphere. But in a good way. It changes it's sound three or four times throughout. It's basically MMJ saying "Look what we can do!!" Well, everything except the stupid deep voice that says "I'm ready for it nowwww" near the end. This song would have been close to a 10/10 without that shit.

"Touch Me I'm Going to Scream Part 1" is next and it sounds like straight up Roxy Music. It's the most interesting song on the album. It's hard to explain how it sounds. Just think MMJ doing Roxy Music with a nice portion of The Flaming Lips and you'll pretty much get it.

Then comes Highly Suspicious. The worst song they've ever done. It's pure garbage and they never should have fucking made it, let alone put it on the most important album of their career. It sounds like that awful song "Word Up"

After that things change. Their first three songs sounded like a continuation of Z. But then they go backwards. After that we get lots of songs that could have been on any of their first three albums, expect they also sound like old 70's soul songs. It's like, the songs are good but really mellow. After the twists and turns of the first three songs, why get so mellow?? It's kind of boring. One of my biggest, and shallowest, problems with this album is that there's nothing that kicks as much ass as Lay Low. Mostly it's just Jim James sounding like he's half asleep. The songs are nice, like I said, but what the hell are they doing here?

It's here that I start to think MMJ doesn't have a clue what they're doing. This album sounds like a 15 year olds first 4 track recording. They just write a bunch of songs, some go together, some don't, and they just throw them all together on the same record. Some bands can handle doing lots of different styles on a single album, but with Evil Urges it just ends up seeming disjointed. The first part, the middle and that last section all sound like they belong on different albums.

The last two songs on the album, Smokin' from Shootin' and Touch Me I'm Going to Scream Part 2 are a great one two punch to end this album, but after everything that comes before it you get the sense they were written for something completely different.

Remember how I said I like when a band expands it's sound? MMJ have always had a problem doing this. They can't seem to figure out how to expand their OWN sound. When they try to be different they just copy other peoples sounds. Z, their "breakthrough", sounded like Coldplay at times. On this record they sound like everyone from Prince (Evil Urges) to James Taylor (Sec Walkin, which is probably the best song on the whole album), to Jack White (Librarian). When Radiohead and Wilco changed directions with their sound, it sounded right. It sounded like the next logical step they'd take. With My Morning Jacket, it sounds like they're just taking influences and just jamming them on their records. I still love this band and I know I've spent a lot of time complaining about this album but it really isn't bad. Hell, a lot of it sounds like it would be pretty good music for a small road trip at least. It's just not the huge step we all have been hoping they'd take. These are mostly good songs but next time, please MMJ, be yourselves. You guys were best when you weren't trying to be other people.

7.0/10. Best songs- "Sec Walkin", "Smokin' from Shootin'", "Thank You Too"

Worst songs- "Highly Suspicious", Remnants"

-M

Speeding is cool

And that's why I do it all the time. I'm not going to lie to you guy- I get all the girls and make shitloads of money while I'm at it. A guy like me has a real need for speed. I drive fast and I love hard.

Unfortunately, "The Man" doesn't think speeding is as cool as I do. I got pulled over the other night for doing 70 in a 55. Whatever. Like I even noticed. The guy that pulled me over doesn't know how to party like I know how to party. Plus he had no sense of humor.

So anyways, I have to go to court on July 1. Then I'll have to give up some of my big $$$$$$ and probably have to take a driving test or something. Shit son, I move so fast they won't even know I'm there. LOL >:~D

-Maynard

NBA Finals predictions

Alright, I suck at these. First I predicted the Spurs, then the Celtics, then the Spurs again. Fuck this shit. The NBA wanted these Finals and they did whatever they had to to make sure they happened. Fuckers.

Lakers in 7. Why? I dunno. Stern wants a new Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant is as close as he'll get so maybe... just maybe... he'll make sure they win.

In other NBA news- the Miami Heat should totally trade Dwayne Wade to the Bulls for the number one pick in the draft and then take Derrik Rose and Michael Beasley and just rock that shit out all season.

The Indiana Pacers, if given the chance, should absolutely take Russell Westbrook over D.J. Augustin. In fact, they should trade Jermaine O'Neal to the Cavs for Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Anderson Varejao plus the 19th overall pick and grab Bill Walker with that shit. I read a rumor that that might happen (although they made no mention of who they'd try to pick if they could make the deal)

Here's my predictions for the first 14 picks in the NBA draft. Watch this shit.

1. Derrik Rose- Bulls
2. Michael Beasley- Heat
3. Danilo Gallinari- Timberwolves
4. Jerryd Bayless- Supersonics
5. Brook Lopez- Grizzlies
6. O.J. Mayo- Knicks (I don't know if he'll fall this far or not)
7. Eric Gordon- Clippers
8. Anthony Randolph- Bucks
9. Kevin Love- Bobcats
10. Russell Westbrook- Nets
11. D.J. Augustin- Pacers (but like I said, if they have the choice they should absolutely go with Westbrook)
12. Donte Green- Kings
13. Joe Alexander- Trailblazers
14. DeAndre Jordan- Warriors

No idea how it'll play out. We'll see.

-M

Americans vs. Brits

Who's stupider?

The Brits-


The Americans-


I report, you decide.

-M