Cat Wars: "This could be the end"

Things are heating up on the Cat Wars front. As you'll recall, last time out all the evil cats in the world went batshit insane and let loose and all their human dictators. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (aka the good cats) held a secret meeting to discuss what to do... before it's too late



Cat of the left: WE MUST ACT!! Assemble The League!! This could be the end!

Cat on the right: NO! No, if we tip our hand too soon, all will be lost.

COTL: You fool! You've always been a fool! Ruling with your mind instead of your heart!

COTR: Wuh?

COTL: I forget... moving on... looks like you got a little dirt on ya. Lemme just... lemme just (starts licking)

Happy New Year, everyone.

Top Ten: Songs of the 70's

First things first, the results of the last two polls.

90's-
Smells Like Teen Spirit- 9 (total votes)
Sometimes- 6
Paranoid Android- 6
Sabotage- 4
All Apologies- 3
No Surprises- 3
Unravel- 3
Karma Police- 2
Jane Says- 1
Sunken Treasure- 1

80's-
Love Will Tear Us Apart- 8
Don't Stop Believing- 6
Where Is My Mind?- 5
This Must Be the Place- 4
Teen Age Riot- 4
It's the End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)- 2
Just Like Honey- 1
This Is the Day- 1
Making Plans for Nigel (which I just learned is a 70's song)- 0
Down Under- 0

Ok, now for my favorite songs of the 70's

10. Metamorfose Ambulante by Raul Seixas

9. Judy Is a Punk by The Ramones

8. Pink Moon by Nick Drake

7. Idiot Wind by Bob Dylan

6. Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

5. Cosmic Dancer by T. Rex

4. Heroes by David Bowie

3. Kaze Wo Atsumete by Happy End

2. Street Hassle by Lou Reed

1. Here Comes the Warm Jets by Brian Eno.

Now shut up and vote.

Haircut.

New Years Eve is on the way, folks. Naturally, the backasswards Australians probably don't even celebrate it until damn April or something. Good thing I'm not Australian. I'm American, baby. And as such, I plan on getting wasted and then hooking up with a shitload of ladies on New Years Eve. Of course, I have to look my best for this to happen. With this in mind, I went to get a haircut today.

I went in with Lando tagging along, paid my money and sat down. Some woman who was clearly on the wrong end of 40 was my barber. She started cutting away and such and everything was fine for a few minutes. Then she started talking to me.

"How short you want it?" she asked. "I dunno, just shorter", I said.

So she went back to cutting. Then she started telling me about how her ex-husband had hair down past his shoulders and a full beard and how she liked it. "Awesome", I said. No I didn't. Why was she telling me? I didn't care.

Then she told me you have to live your life for yourself. Then she told me how her mom complained about how she had beer cans laying all over the house. Then she told me she was 29 and had two kids. That's when I realized she was hitting on me.

"I would have guessed younger", I lied. She stopped cutting my hair, looked directly into the mirror and into my eyes and said "Thank you", sounding like no one had ever said anything nice about her ever in her life. Chicks love compliments and will fall for anyone who says anything nice about them.

So then she kept "accidentally" rubbing up against me and everything. Like I didn't know what she was doing. Then she kept kind of dropping her scissors cause I made her nervous cause she liked me so much. Too bad, baby.

Anywho, let's just say that I might have a chick in love with me and leave it at that. It's the only way I can explain what an awful job she did on my hair. She was too distracted because she thought she had a new man in her life and someone to take care of her damn kids. Fat chance, honey.

I'm not going to any parties on New Years Eve, by the way.

-M

Vader Sessions

everyone look at this shit

this dude i know showed me this he has a mustache


-L

Bada Christmas.

You knew it had to come right? It's officially Christmas in Bada Land. Is he concerned/bothered about it being Christmas? I THINK NOT! I know what you are all going to say, "Bada Scrooge" "Bada Grinch" Sure you get presents, but when you get to Bada's age, Christmas is just another day. Maynard and Lando are obviously chewing on there turkey, so are far to busy to post in here. What did i tell you about these Americans. They think they can just sit on there fat asses and eat turkey, drink beer and burp real loud to try and be "cool" Bada has an idea what he is getting. He hopes to get more surprises though. I'm thinking some pornos and some condoms. Ok i'm kidding. Though i think Bada is getting sick here, SICK OF YOU! no seriously he keeps coughing, getting headaches. It's not looking good. So before Bada says farewell for Christmas. I hope you all have a bad CHRISTMAS! (ok i'm kidding geez). Have a lovely Bada Christmas and Bada sends his best wishes and hope you get all the cool stuff what you asked for and much more. Now Bada is off to play Halo 3. Don't worry he won't get drawn into that group of people who go around saying OWNAGE! He just wants to get his rank up. :)

B

Superbad.

Lando told me about this movie that he and Maynard went to see. It's called "Superbad" he told me to go and watch it, so i thought to myself just GREAT it's going to be one of those gay movies what they like, like GayBack Mountain. So anyways i checked it out and seriously everyone has to go and see this movie right now. It's probably the funniest or one of the funniest movies i have ever seen in my entire life. That's a lot of life baby. This movie seems to relate to my life and also there is a lot of similarities. It's the way me, Maynard and Lando act. This movie is infact based on us! Let me break it down for you suckers. Seth he is definitely Lando. The way Lando is infact rude, mean, constantly thinks about sex and also the fat guy. You see where i am going with this.... Evan is so me Bada. The shy guy, the guy who just wants the one woman. ;) The guy who has a hot mother.. OK that was just wrong and SICK. Fogell, yeah you probably all know who Fogell is. One word PATRICK. I can just imagine Patrick wearing glasses and has his hair coming down with a little fringe. FUCKING nerd. Also the guy who thinks he is cool which is so not true. I can just picture Patrick infact saying "I am McLovin" what a JOKE. Maynard now that was a tough one. Probably one of the cops best describe Maynard. Beer drinking, car driving, gun blazing, thinks he's damn cool! what an ASSHOLE! I tried to get this movie from PlayUsa. Out of damn stock. Screw you damn AMERICANS.

B

Fat People Deserve Respect.

This is bullshit. A new study finds that very obese people are 44 percent less likely to get a transplant than normal weight patient, according to something I just read on Yahoo. It also said something about them having to wait at least 18 months longer than normal people.

And isn't that just typical? Fatties getting the shaft. Let me tell you something folks, fat people are heroes. Every watch a movie? If you have you'll know what I mean. Movies are awesome and they're always right. Pretty much every single movie ever made has the same message behind it- be yourself, do what you love and to hell with what other people think. Just like The Godfather.

Fat people do what they love, and they do it A LOT, if you know what I mean (wink wink). Eating. So why aren't these people applauded everywhere they go (to eat)? They're living life to the fullest... and then when that starts to kill them, they have to wait longer for a new liver?! Actually it'd probably be a heart or something they're looking to get their grubby, greedy little hands on, eh? Eh?

Fat people are my heroes and they deserve to keep on kicking ass just like the rest of us healthy people. We could all learn something from them. Shame on you. You're living a lie. Trying to stay all fit and stuff. For what? Do you think anyone cares? Do you think it makes you better than me? Or them? Take a look in the mirror and next to you see a fat person, tell them... "Thanks... thanks for living the life I'm too afraid to live. You're a brave person, and I'm sorry for all that you've had to go through." And then try to fit your arms around them to give them a big ole bear hug ^_____^

With deep respect for fat people,
M.

AWW SHITZ!

we found this on Dark UFO's site and thought we should take it i do hope you enjoy it

even though we are the number 1 super fans of lost



with painful love


-L

EDIT: Sorry about that, we have a working one up now.

I Work at a Pool Now, I Guess

Yeah. I know. I work at a pool now, and guess what? I'M LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!

No. No, actually I hate it. And you can't really call it work for two reasons. One being I don't do shit for like 10 hours a day, the second because I only get paid 100$ a month. The rest is taken off my rent. But it's only on weekends, so... that's good, right? No, because it means I have no possibility to have a life now. Not that I had one before, but still... I could have had one, if I'd wanted it.

Another problem is the people. I hate them. Especially children. And black people. Ok, that last one was a joke. But I only had two people come in all weekend and one was a kid and the other was black, so I had to complain about them, right? I just locked myself in the office when they came to swim because there's no way in hell that I could save them if they started to drown. Seriously, I tried swimming when there was nothing to do and it turns out I'm bad at it. Which came as a shock to me because I had assumed I was quite good. It's kind of like running. I don't run often but when I do, I'm always shocked at how slow I am. It's like, "What's WRONG with me? Something has malfunctioned!!"

And then I sit down and cry.

-M

Dick Masterson is a "Manspiration"

http://www.shrinktalk.net/archives/the_mind_of_male_chauvinism.phtml

Dick Masterson is a good friend of mine. And by that, I mean we've never actually spoken, but he once talked to me via the "internet". Dick has been spreading the word lately. The N word!! No, sorry, that was a joke Bada once used. Dick has actually been trying to spread the word that men are better than women. While you may not agree with him, you can't deny that he's got style. In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to induct Dick into my Hall of Fame, or what I will heretofore refer to as "The Classy's". Only the classiest of people are are allowed to join this exclusive club. I'm in it, of course, since I'm The Always Classy Maynard and all. I guess Lando and Bada can be in it. They're classy. They're classier than shit. And now Dick is in too. Shit, I should have put Ike Turner in it. Ah well, too late. Dead people can't be Classy, with a capital C.

Anywho, enjoy the link thing. It's Dick talking to some guy about stuff. It's funny.

Unofficial best line- "A man will never cheat on a woman who keeps him well fed and well fucked".

Classy.

EDIT: The link thing isn't working right. Blogger is a piece of shit.

You stay classy, New York Times

R.I.P., Ike Turner. You couldn't ask for a classier send off.



EDIT: New York Post, New York Times, same thing. They're both run by Freemasons.

-M

Out, Smarten.

You're probably wondering what's with the heading "Out, Smarten". Well let me tell you a little story people. If you read the post before you'll realise what the hell Bada is going on about here. I said to my parents that i am infact getting an Iphone. They tried to put me off from getting one. Then my mum came through to my room and said "Can you put off getting an Iphone" I then said mum listen up, Man to Woman here, me being the man of course. "I'm not stupid, i know that i am getting a mobile phone for Christmas" then she left the room. Muhaha. As i was about to leave, i went into the living room and started boasting my ego by saying "You just got out, smarten" "I am so smart" My parents were like what are you going on about? I replied, "I was never really getting an Iphone" "Thanks for telling me what my Christmas Present is" Succccckers. I was planning on sending a Christmas Present to this girl. She's just called "girl" for now. It would be pretty freaky though if i were to like say. "Hey baby, give me your address" lol. Whether it would even get there in time for Christmas, who knows?

B.

Bada Christmas.

It is nearly Christmas people. That's right, Bada Christmas. Bada is going to get a whole lot of shit this Christmas. By that Bada means he's getting one thing only. Bada has been told that it is smallish, technology and is £130 and needs a new one. Bada thinks he is in fact getting a mobile phone. Which would be pretty cool i guess. 1 phone for business and the other phone for pleasure. ;) Any ideas what else it could be people? Send your ideas forward. Bada needs to figure this shit out before it's too late.

Let This End...

Back by popular demand, more cat wars. Last time, the humanoids merely mocked Emperor Mittens when he attempted to do something. I forget. Anywho, now all the evil cats in the world have united to wreck havoc on their masters. And wouldn't you know it, it was all caught on film.

In other news... I'm so lonely I think I'm about to have a heart attack.

I Really Really Hate Boston

Boston sucks, my friends. It's full of "cawk suckas" and "fackin queahs". They think they're so damn cool :< But you know what? They're not.

First thing I hate most about them is that all their teams are somehow incredibly lucky and win everything. This somehow makes the people of Boston feel as if they're superior to the rest of us. But they do have some great teams. Red Sox won that baseball thing that no one cares about. Pats are still winning. Celtics seem to be a real threat in the NBA. Like I even care :< Big deal. Fucking Boston.

Then today they announced their winners for the Boston Society of Film Critics. Naturally, Amy Ryan won Best Supporting Actress for Gone Baby Gone (which was set in Boston), while Ben Affleck won the Best New Filmmaker award for the same movie. Seems.. suspicious. No Country for Old Men won Best Film, which came as no surprise to most but I was starting to think they'd give the award to one of those documentary things ESPN did for the Red Sox or something. "A Season of Dreams", they'd call it. Then in the background they'd play the triumphant music while showing the Sox winning the World Series, while in the stands fans would be taking off their shirts, accosting young women and basically being the rude vile pigs they are.

The greatest man in Boston history was born in Indiana. DEAL WITH IT!!

Anywho... so this awards season is heating up, eh? DDL still hasn't won a Best Actor award... wonder if I should change my predictions yet?

Nah.

I Loves Me Some Sports

I noticed that in our Labels thingy, we only had one post on Sports. I found this incredible. I was under the impression that I had made somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 posts in Sports, keeping everyone updated on the Colts and NASCAR, or whatever you hillbillies love. We aim to please here at Maynard and Lando.. I mean, Maynard and Lando and Bada... I mean, N Words 4 Life...

... I'm thinking about changing the name of this site to Marlboro Men From the Future.

So anywho, what's going on in the sports world? Meh, same old, same old I suppose. New England Patriots still winning every game. Bada loves the Patriots and our friendship almost ended last January when the Colts beat them to earn a trip to the Superbowl. Since I respect Bada so much (and by respect, I mean I don't respect him), I've decided to let everyone know that the refs GAVE the game against the Ravens last week to the Pats. Handed over to them on a silver platter. Pats are big news this year. Can they go 19-0? Of course they can with the NFL all but officially on their side. Sorry Bada, I'm only saying this to upset you ^____^

Anywho, they're playing the Steelers this week and I expect the Pats to take their first lose of the season. I'm calling it, Steelers 31, Pats 27.

NBA TIIIMMEEE!! Hmm.. Pacers aren't doing so great. That's gay. Uh.. Boston Celtics are everyone's favorite team again. Why does Boston get all the good shit? Indiana never gets NOTHIN!! Everyone thinks we're all obsessed with race cars. Do you know what they put on our State Quarter? Some race car. We're not like that, really people.

Ok, time for some predictions. Colts vs. Cowboys in the Superbowl, with my alternative pick being Pats vs Cowboys. AFC wins either way.

Spurs will win another title if Duncan stays healthy, beating the Celtics in 7 games. Kevin Garnett wins MVP and Kevin Durant wins Rookie of the Year.

Now when all this shit doesn't happen, I will erase this post and act like it never happened and I'll call you a liar and a son of a bitch if you bring it up.

Peace be with you,

- M

women make me sick

lando here with another tacky blog about women and other things. first off i want to tell you about something really sick i saw in wal-mart. see me and this one dude i know went to wal-mart and i had to go to the shitter and when i went in i saw something unlike anything i have ever seen before. two dudes in one stall. i could see their cowboy boots and everything. there was no way i could have mistaken this for something else. and i went and told everyone i knew.


now to the main event. this other time i was in wal-mart AGAIN and you wont believe what happened to me. i was walking and minding my own business when these two chicks came out of nowhere, like the devil, and started talking really loud right behind me. they were laughing and giggling and having a great time, not even caring that they were making me insane. letting little girls run around alone in stores is like letting hogs run wild in your house. they can drive you crazy and ruin the best of times. they only care about themselves and their good time and not one bit about the people around them.


and then we were in the check out line and there was some lady in a powerchair, and it was taking forever. the cashier did not know what SHE was doing. so after about 10 min. my mom took all of our stuff off the line and got all angry and said "this lady does not even know how to move!!" and i thought she meant the lady in the powerchair and i started laughing.


and then we saw this one chick we knew from way back and she acted like she did not even want to talk to us. of course we were hiding from her but she saw us and could have at least said hello. she saw us 3 times and she did not say hello once. hows that for a woman? also she had lost all her teeth since the last time i saw her and she is only like 22 years old.


with painful love

-L

Top Ten: Songs of the 80's

It's that time again. Time for you to shut up and ROCK THE VOTE. By voting for the best song of the 1980's. So vote.

10. Down Under by Men At Work. I believe they officially made this the Australian National Anthem. This one goes out to all my Australian friends and fans out there.

9. Don't Stop Believing by Journey. Shut up, it's cool and you know it.

8. Making Plans for Nigel by XTC.

7. Where Is My Mind? by The Pixies

6. This Is the Day by The The

5. It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) by R.E.M.

4. Just Like Honey by The Jesus and Mary Chain

3. Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division

2. Teen Age Riot by Sonic Youth

1. This Must Be the Place by Talking Heads (the Stop Making Sense version, not the studio version)

Shut it and vote. If you haven't heard one of these songs, press Launch Playlist.