Haircut.

New Years Eve is on the way, folks. Naturally, the backasswards Australians probably don't even celebrate it until damn April or something. Good thing I'm not Australian. I'm American, baby. And as such, I plan on getting wasted and then hooking up with a shitload of ladies on New Years Eve. Of course, I have to look my best for this to happen. With this in mind, I went to get a haircut today.

I went in with Lando tagging along, paid my money and sat down. Some woman who was clearly on the wrong end of 40 was my barber. She started cutting away and such and everything was fine for a few minutes. Then she started talking to me.

"How short you want it?" she asked. "I dunno, just shorter", I said.

So she went back to cutting. Then she started telling me about how her ex-husband had hair down past his shoulders and a full beard and how she liked it. "Awesome", I said. No I didn't. Why was she telling me? I didn't care.

Then she told me you have to live your life for yourself. Then she told me how her mom complained about how she had beer cans laying all over the house. Then she told me she was 29 and had two kids. That's when I realized she was hitting on me.

"I would have guessed younger", I lied. She stopped cutting my hair, looked directly into the mirror and into my eyes and said "Thank you", sounding like no one had ever said anything nice about her ever in her life. Chicks love compliments and will fall for anyone who says anything nice about them.

So then she kept "accidentally" rubbing up against me and everything. Like I didn't know what she was doing. Then she kept kind of dropping her scissors cause I made her nervous cause she liked me so much. Too bad, baby.

Anywho, let's just say that I might have a chick in love with me and leave it at that. It's the only way I can explain what an awful job she did on my hair. She was too distracted because she thought she had a new man in her life and someone to take care of her damn kids. Fat chance, honey.

I'm not going to any parties on New Years Eve, by the way.

-M