So... I suck at video games

Pretty badly. Pretty REALLY badly.

So I unexpectedly went to a sort of cook out today at my sisters. We'll call her... Saucy Sally. She's married to this guy, who we'll refer to as Frankie Teardrop. Sally and Frankie enjoy video games. I used to as well, up until the good game systems came out. Then it got too confusing for me and I gave up, becoming obsessed with movies and music instead. Every time I play games I get slaughtered. Today was no exception.

Lando was hanging out with them all day and the way he explains it, Saucy Sally and Frankie Teardrop spent the entire day trying to track down a game called Call of Duty 4. So this evening we all went over and decided to play. I knew it was a bad idea for me to even try because I have no idea how to even use those controllers. I sat and watched everyone playing and I thought- "Shit son, this looks easy. I could smoke these jokers."

So I tried. And sucked. Within the first few minutes, I was killed 8 times, if memory serves. I got in a few lucky shots, but that wasn't skill. Just random shooting. Every time I got a kill I tried to gloat over the fresh victim, and the damn body would explode right as I was trying to step on their face!! That happened like 5 times, maybe more. Plus I couldn't get a handle on the controllers. I'd get someone in my sights and I wouldn't be able to kill them because I'd shoot right next to them. It sucked. Everyone else was having a great time. I almost put my fucking foot through their television set. Luckily (for them) I contained my composure. I may not be able to kill them in a video game, but I could damn sure ki.... never mind.

Video games are fucked anyways. They should have just stopped making them after Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest came out. What's the point? After you beat that game, your life is complete. That game was awesome.

-M